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Thread: Is he over sensitive or did I overreact?

  1. #1
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    Is he over sensitive or did I overreact?

    I went on a date with a man whom I've been texting for 3 months. We first met it was a very nice first date, we spend 5 hours just talking and walking. We continued texting the following week as well and we were planning to meet for the second date. Around yesterday, the chat conversation ended up around a funny hat that he had. He sent me a few pictures of him with a few random women (who were actually pretty good looking) wearing that hat. He also sent me a random fwd from a women who he used to work with. To me these two kind of stuck out odd for two reasons

    1. I happen to feel if this is an attempt to make me jealous that either he knows good looking women and are in touch with them
    2. This was a de ja vu to me as my ex boy friend 5 yrs ago did the same and he is now married to one of the women. So at that time it was him getting a validation from me that she was hot enough.

    So I did mention to him over text that I was not comfortable him sending me pics of random strangers who I don't know. He took it wrongly and thought I was controlling (in the sense I am controlling him from being friends with women in general on FB) and jealous (because they are better looking). None of this is true and I'm pretty confident about who I am and I'm not on his Facebook and I don't have the rights to control someones friends list. All I asked was not to text me those because they are not necessary for me and also it brings back bad memories to me.

    He said, this is going to be a problem if I would start reacting for things such as him talking to his colleagues etc. We all have work colleagues and so do I.

    I'm confused if I overreacted by asking him not to send such pics or is he being really sensitive about my reaction.
    I really liked him and I did mentioned that to him and he seem to like me too but I'm really gutted at what just happened.

    -Tanya,
    Last edited by TanyaJo; 03-27-2020 at 02:09 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Why did you spend 3 months texting before finally meeting? Why didn't you meet sooner?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    He sounds like an a-hole..sorry, but he does.

    He was gloating, he can deny it, but what decent man wants to throw pictures of him and other women in your face? Very poor taste.

    And then to further accuse you of being the one with the problem, wow. No sensitivity on his end at all.

    and jealous (because they are better looking).
    That right there would have me telling him to go shove it.

    If I were you, I would seriously run the other way and not look back.

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    He never took initiative for a date. He said he would usually let the woman take initiative so that he is not forcing anything on me. So I ended up asking him if we are going to me.

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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Why did you spend 3 months texting before finally meeting? Why didn't you meet sooner?
    He never took initiative for a date. He said he would usually let the woman take initiative so that he is not forcing anything on me.
    So I ended up asking him if we are going to meet or not. Finally he fixed a date.

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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    He sounds like an a-hole..sorry, but he does.

    He was gloating, he can deny it, but what decent man wants to throw pictures of him and other women in your face? Very poor taste.

    And then to further accuse you of being the one with the problem, wow. No sensitivity on his end at all.



    That right there would have me telling him to go shove it.

    If I were you, I would seriously run the other way and not look back.
    He kept telling I am hotter but I really did not like the idea of comparing women based on "hotness", this isn't a competition or pageant. I'm very forward thinking and this made me very uncomfortable even though it was an attempt to make me feel better in terms of appearance.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    This entire situation is pretty messed up. You essentially had a one date with a huge side of drama. I wouldn't be asking who is right or wrong, because this entire dynamic is wrong, so I'd just walk away from this.

    Wasting 3 months on chit chat may seem and feel like you have a deeper connection but you really don't. After just one date, there is way too much drama, conflict, and overall shady behavior. No reason to try and sort this out, just walk away.

    I'd also add that in the future, if the guy isn't setting up a date fairly quickly, like in a week or two, stop wasting your time and walk away, unless there is some mutually legitimate reason you can't meet in that time frame. Keep online chit chat short and meet in person quickly - coffee, happy hour and then decide if this person is worth an actual date in the future. This approach will save you a lot of grief. Stay away from developing extended online "connections" as that leads to a false sense of intimacy you don't actually have.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sorry about all this.

    Easiest read, to my eyes? You've learned, very quickly, that this is not a man worth your time. Always a bummer, and I'm sure the sting is a bit more potent than usual because of those 3 months talking. Still, facts here are facts: you had one nice date, and, prior to setting up the other one, he showed you in more ways than one that he's a bozo.

    First way: sending you photos of him with women. Makes no sense. As lame as lame gets.

    Second way: reacting to your concerns as he did, getting into the "hotness" comparisons. Yawn. That's frat boy stuff, boring stuff, stuff to shrug off with a laugh.

    So, yeah, a bummer. But better to know all this now than to discover it as real connection, and real attachment forms.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    First way: sending you photos of him with women. Makes no sense. As lame as lame gets.
    For real though!!

    Second way: reacting to your concerns as he did, getting into the "hotness" comparisons. Yawn. That's frat boy stuff, boring stuff, stuff to shrug off with a laugh.
    Couldn't agree more.

    He's an idiot.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    This entire situation is pretty messed up. You essentially had a one date with a huge side of drama. I wouldn't be asking who is right or wrong, because this entire dynamic is wrong, so I'd just walk away from this.

    Wasting 3 months on chit chat may seem and feel like you have a deeper connection but you really don't. After just one date, there is way too much drama, conflict, and overall shady behavior. No reason to try and sort this out, just walk away.

    I'd also add that in the future, if the guy isn't setting up a date fairly quickly, like in a week or two, stop wasting your time and walk away, unless there is some mutually legitimate reason you can't meet in that time frame. Keep online chit chat short and meet in person quickly - coffee, happy hour and then decide if this person is worth an actual date in the future. This approach will save you a lot of grief. Stay away from developing extended online "connections" as that leads to a false sense of intimacy you don't actually have.
    I'm fairly new to dating and I took 3 months as a good things as he was not rushing into anything and giving me time. But now it looks like a massive waste of my time. It feels like has his understanding of me over the past 3 months and a date went down in 1 conflict.

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