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Thread: Is he over sensitive or did I overreact?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TanyaJo
    I'm fairly new to dating and I took 3 months as a good things as he was not rushing into anything and giving me time. But now it looks like a massive waste of my time. It feels like has his understanding of me over the past 3 months and a date went down in 1 conflict.
    Well....lesson learned. Men who drag their feet about meeting you is not a good thing at all. People who are ready to date, set up dates fast, those who play games....do what this jackazz is doing -play games. The minute you have to teach a grown man how to behave is your clue to simply run for the hills. In the future, skip telling a guy what is and isn't right, just next him and spare yourself the mind games. When it comes to meeting people from online, you really have to learn to become ruthless, discerning, and quick to dismiss losers because you will encounter many or those. Easiest way to weed out losers is to meet up quickly for something light - coffee, happy hour, juice bar. Basically something where you can see each other face to face, gauge chemistry and see if there is enough there to set up a proper date. If not, if they drag their feet, if they show you any kind of shady behavior - do not overthink it, just next him.

  2. #22
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    I'd also add that in the future, if the guy isn't setting up a date fairly quickly, like in a week or two, stop wasting your time and walk away, unless there is some mutually legitimate reason you can't meet in that time frame. Keep online chit chat short and meet in person quickly - coffee, happy hour and then decide if this person is worth an actual date in the future. This approach will save you a lot of grief. Stay away from developing extended online "connections" as that leads to a false sense of intimacy you don't actually have.
    This is so key.

    I would also add that itís okay in modern Western culture for women to ask for/suggest a date, too!

  3. #23
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    I did use to think that it is odd to be either not married and never had a long term relationship at 41. The initial red flag was when he said "My ex used to get jealous when I talk about pretty girls, then I found out that she was cheating on me so she was thinking I was doing the same too". I found that reason so odd

    1. Why did you girlfriend cheat and not breakup with you, coz you were not married
    2. Why are you talking about "pretty" girls to your wife all the time

    In fact I never asked these question as they might be intrusive. But in the end I was coined to be controlling and jealous and he ghosted me just like that with no explanation.
    I really feel gutted for wasting 3 months of my time emotionally invested.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    "My ex used to get jealous when I talk about pretty girls, then I found out that she was cheating on me so she was thinking I was doing the same too". I found that reason so odd
    Ha! My ex used to say the exact same thing, and you know what? He was the bigger cheater I ever knew. This guy is a rotten apple, really easy to see that.

    If he's this old and nothing has worked out for him, there's a good chance there's something majorly wrong with him.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Don't feel bad, 3 months is a drop in the bucket. I wasted 2 years! And on top of it, found out her was cheating every chance he got.

    But he didn't do that to just me, he did that to nearly every woman he ever dated.

    This guy sounds really similar.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Skeptic76
    This is so key.

    I would also add that itís okay in modern Western culture for women to ask for/suggest a date, too!
    I don't think suggesting a first meet to a stranger from a dating site is asking someone out on a date so "modern" has nothing to do with it. I suggested first meets several times -who wants to waste time typing and talking to a stranger -and I almost always let the man ask me out on a date.

  8. #27
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I don't think suggesting a first meet to a stranger from a dating site is asking someone out on a date so "modern" has nothing to do with it. I suggested first meets several times -who wants to waste time typing and talking to a stranger -and I almost always let the man ask me out on a date.
    Totally agree!

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TanyaJo
    I did use to think that it is odd to be either not married and never had a long term relationship at 41. The initial red flag was when he said "My ex used to get jealous when I talk about pretty girls, then I found out that she was cheating on me so she was thinking I was doing the same too". I found that reason so odd

    1. Why did you girlfriend cheat and not breakup with you, coz you were not married
    2. Why are you talking about "pretty" girls to your wife all the time

    In fact I never asked these question as they might be intrusive. But in the end I was coined to be controlling and jealous and he ghosted me just like that with no explanation.
    I really feel gutted for wasting 3 months of my time emotionally invested.
    I'm sorry you had a negative experience with him, TanyaJo.

    It is unusual and strange to either not be married and never having had a long term relationship at 41. It is definitely not the norm.

    I agree, he shouldn't have been talking to pretty girls while married and then emphasized to his wife that those girls were pretty.

    He did you a favor by ghosting you and you return the favor; delete and block him permanently. Good riddance!

    Your 3 months with him was not all in vain. Better to realize now at 3 months than many wasted months and years beyond 3 months. Thank your lucky stars that you didn't drag out this toxic relationship with this dud.

  10. #29
    Silver Member dion333's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TanyaJo
    I went on a date with a man whom I've been texting for 3 months. We first met it was a very nice first date, we spend 5 hours just talking and walking. We continued texting the following week as well and we were planning to meet for the second date. Around yesterday, the chat conversation ended up around a funny hat that he had. He sent me a few pictures of him with a few random women (who were actually pretty good looking) wearing that hat. He also sent me a random fwd from a women who he used to work with. To me these two kind of stuck out odd for two reasons

    1. I happen to feel if this is an attempt to make me jealous that either he knows good looking women and are in touch with them
    2. This was a de ja vu to me as my ex boy friend 5 yrs ago did the same and he is now married to one of the women. So at that time it was him getting a validation from me that she was hot enough.

    So I did mention to him over text that I was not comfortable him sending me pics of random strangers who I don't know. He took it wrongly and thought I was controlling (in the sense I am controlling him from being friends with women in general on FB) and jealous (because they are better looking). None of this is true and I'm pretty confident about who I am and I'm not on his Facebook and I don't have the rights to control someones friends list. All I asked was not to text me those because they are not necessary for me and also it brings back bad memories to me.

    He said, this is going to be a problem if I would start reacting for things such as him talking to his colleagues etc. We all have work colleagues and so do I.

    I'm confused if I overreacted by asking him not to send such pics or is he being really sensitive about my reaction.
    I really liked him and I did mentioned that to him and he seem to like me too but I'm really gutted at what just happened.

    -Tanya,
    He is playing games. Sounds insecure. He has done this on purpose to make you feel jealous and that gives him more power-or he thinks it does. If he is already getting pissed off that you mentioned that y'd been hurt in past by this and isn't understanding your pain-the you are not compatible and there is going to be issues down the line i suspect. Remember, we can get on with someone like a house on fire, but there can be some core traits that we don't connect with or like. It's worth trying one more time and if he for eg says 'hey. i'm sorry, i overreacted a bit, i was just a bit confused why you reacted like that and i understand now why it hurt and frustrated you because of your past situation, want to chat about it?'...then h's a 'good' guy(NOT that h's a bad person)..but i doubt the latter will happen. It's not about sensitivity btw, being sensitive is a beautiful quality esp in a man, if he was sensitive, he would've understood-instead of coming out with what eh said. Remember, he may have been burnt in past too by controlling girls and h's misreading the situation too due to past baggage. However, i still don't agree with the pic thing. That's like a girl sending hot hunk pics to a new guy date with her in them. Like the guy wouldn't be start feeling a little annoyed or something!

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by dion333
    He is playing games. Sounds insecure. He has done this on purpose to make you feel jealous and that gives him more power-or he thinks it does. If he is already getting pissed off that you mentioned that y'd been hurt in past by this and isn't understanding your pain-the you are not compatible and there is going to be issues down the line i suspect. Remember, we can get on with someone like a house on fire, but there can be some core traits that we don't connect with or like. It's worth trying one more time and if he for eg says 'hey. i'm sorry, i overreacted a bit, i was just a bit confused why you reacted like that and i understand now why it hurt and frustrated you because of your past situation, want to chat about it?'...then h's a 'good' guy(NOT that h's a bad person)..but i doubt the latter will happen. It's not about sensitivity btw, being sensitive is a beautiful quality esp in a man, if he was sensitive, he would've understood-instead of coming out with what eh said. Remember, he may have been burnt in past too by controlling girls and h's misreading the situation too due to past baggage. However, i still don't agree with the pic thing. That's like a girl sending hot hunk pics to a new guy date with her in them. Like the guy wouldn't be start feeling a little annoyed or something!
    No, he did not come back with any comforting message for if I'd be hurt. When I asked if we have to speak about this and decide if to end this here or move forward, this was his reply


    Depends if you want to
    I guess I made it clear that I don't expect you to have issues with me having female friends
    And you made it clear you don't want me to send photos of them
    You know I REALLY like you, so please don't be silly about other girls


    I don't know how to take this. My issue was never about him having female friends but about the photos he sent with them.

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