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Thread: A Long 4 Weeks or... More

  1. #1
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    A Long 4 Weeks or... More

    So as of 3 days ago my country has been put into lockdown because of what is happening in the world. The lockdown is for 4 weeks but it could be extended depending on cases and all that etc... My partner and i have been together for 3 years and are both still living at home (we live a 10 min drive away from each other). I asked him if i could stay at his with his mum and grandad during this time however his mum said no (baring in mind i have stayed there before), and i don't think he would want to stay with me at mine. I found what his mum said to be kinda heartbreaking almost as i visited the day before the lockdown was put in place and she calls me family but wouldn't help us out.
    I also can't exactly visit him either cos i'm "not suppose too" and this time reminds me of a time in the beginning of our relationship when we weren't together for 5 weeks. I am really struggling or i know i will.. and the media keep saying this lockdown will last longer and i am not prepared to not see him for 3 months! We were suppose to move out this year and sort our lives and i love him so much and my love language is touch and being around that person (i basically saw him every day) and just want to find a way to be with him during all this, in my head i feel he should of tried harder to get me to stay as i see everyone staying with their partners... bloody struggling. Need some advice

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    So, this is a time when you have to be strong for yourself and for him. You cannot depend on someone being there every day for you, just so you feel comfortable. That is very needy behaviour. If you have issues with separation anxiety, then you need to talk to someone and get help for that situation. You need to learn to be comfortable by yourself, it will help you grow, as right not you are super dependent on someone else, and that is not healthy.

    And, it's not your bf's mother doing this on purpose, she is trying to protect her own family. If you have come in contact with the virus and spread it to her older father, he may be in trouble. If he should inadvertantly get the virus and die, because you brought it into the house, how would you feel? The lock down is for a purpose, not to just be inconvenient.

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    Yeah I know. I just also blame the both of us for not getting our stuff sorted last year so we didnt have to deal with this. And it just sucks seeing social media posts with every couple together :( we have always done everything together except when I went on holiday in 2017 but I was easily distracted with things. Now I'm at home I'm bored and have always hated being bored at home. And I worry our intimate life will disappear because of this too.

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    i don't think he would want to stay with me at mine

    Why wouldn't he want to stay with you out of interest? Have you asked him and, if so, what did he say?

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    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    I think it's the perfect time to start growing some hobbies and strength in being more disconnected. You can still talk to him, facetime etc, but in some ways, if you look at this in a positive light, something good for you, perhaps it will be a little less hard. You can do this and it is for the betterment of the relationship and yourself.

    There is another post in ENOTALONE today where a guy has been with his girl 6 years and she gets irritated when he tries to do anything not involved with her. That could be you in 3 years. I'm not saying your relationship is like that, but happy relationships last if both partners have separate things to get on with in their life. The more comfortable they can be apart, the longer the relationship lasts.

    And sure, while you are not able to have physical intimacy at present, at least he is not going out and getting it somewhere else, right?

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    Ages ago my dad and him got into a fight. My dad isnt the nicest person and my partner no longer likes being around him. Also theres always tons of fights here so isnt very nice really

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    Yeah. Hes let me borrow his guitar. Hes tried super hard to comfort me and give me ideas on what to do. Give me links for guitar courses and games. He has things he wants to learn (hes a personal trainer) and he wants to up skill some of his current skills so he can hopefully keep and maintain his clients and get more to earn more and has put some of his subsidy pay due to this time to go towards a bond for us in the future for a house. I just was really loving the time we have shared lately and we were both in good places intimacy wise (which did go through a rough patch because I feel we were putting pressure on one another) but it went back to fun after we went on a holiday for my birthday early this month, and I'd say we both have quite a high drive least I do and hes the only one for me. When I was away we went through a patch afterwards when trust was kinda broken between him and I (he wasnt cheating but was something else) and I still kinda keep that in mind to this day so i feel the distance triggers that past.. which sucks as well. I know I need to heal from that. We have always been this power couple and like best friends too. So yeah I miss him making me laugh and hugging him. He keeps reassuring me that this lockdown will only be 4 weeks and that we will get through it and for me to be positive. I just feel its hard too since it all of a sudden was announced without any warning almost, compared to times when you plan to go away and you're expecting to spend time apart.

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    We both have had like issues with trust as well from past relationships etc. So he does I guess understand me at times and I have understood him. The beginning of our relationship was very weird and he was kinda intense about what I was doing and all that but he has healed that side of himself over the past 2 years and I feel sometimes even now I can slip up and have issues but I know they're my own insecurities.

    Also I feel over the past few years I've become less shy and have been wanting to spend time with more people and have met people at work etc but I dont have any close close friends or any siblings so being home basically all by myself is lonely

    The gym has been my hobby too for years now and sucks they're closed and I don't have any weights at home to use. It was one of my happy places

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    As someone living with beer fiancee of 3 years, it isn't easy being with each other 24/7 we've been at it nearing two weeks now as I'm pregnant and was put on lock down before the rest of my country.
    We're lucky he can work from home, but that means there's less space for me to do my thing so I'm not interrupting him. We've had to give up a lot of our own time and hobbies, his going out 2 nights a week for band practice, where I can do what I want in the lounge. It's a huge change, and honestly a lock down is not the best time to practice living together. I'm locked either in our bedroom, the kitchen or garden because his desk is in lounge.

    Use this time to learn the guitar, or any hobby, focus on yourself, career or educational improvements, like he's doing. If he sees you making the most of the lock down, then he'll live you even more, because he'll know you're strong and if you can very through this you can get through anything. Your life shouldn't revolve around a partner, they should enhance your life.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately his mother is correct by not burdening and crowding out her own family for your romance. If your relationship is secure, it will endure some separation by video chatting, etc. If not, then perhaps you need to reflect on that. Use this time to access your life, support Your Own family, reach out to friends, etc.
    Originally Posted by beccab98
    his mum said no , and i don't think he would want to stay with me at mine.

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