Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Need help with Ex BF

  1. #1

    Need help with Ex BF

    Hi Guys,

    Hope you all are doing good ! I need your advice, this quarantine is making me so confused (hence my username).

    I had a year long relationship with my BF, though we were friends from 6 years. Everything was like the best but he suddenly became distant this past February and went silent on me. To mention, he started a new job, and had an overwhelming amount of work, first i thought he maybe is stressed from his work and I started giving him space, but because my family was pressurizing me to get married, I conveyed my feelings to him which may have added to his stress at this time ( I know, my bad ). When the silence got too long (after 2-3 days of no contact from him ), I reached out to him to see if he is okay to what he replied that he wants a break from us. I did everything I should not have done. I regret that but I am dealing with anxiety issues so I really couldnt control myself.

    Now I am doing no contact from a week ( I was reaching out to him here and there but have stopped now) and he is spending his time with his family and is also completely distracted by his overwhelming work. I know he loves me but is just shutting me out right now. I feel bad as I was expecting him to reach out to me in this hard time but he never initiates any contact. I still love him and really want him back but I don't know what to do in this situation.

    I feel scared that this no contact may push him to move on. When we last talked, he said he may consider to give our relationship a second shot. During the span of our friendship and relationship, he has always been a caring friend/bf, he know me inside out and would always say that he loves me more than I love him. I was hospitalized once and had a very sad and emotional experience in my life and he was there for me always. I just cant understand where I went wrong and how could this end.

    I really need your advice guys. (Sorry, if some of the sentences are not clear. English is not my first language).

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,309
    I'm sorry you're experiencing such heartache, soConfused18.

    He has his own reasons to breakup with you such as his new job, overwhelming amount of work and lack of brain space and energy for you. It's more than that though. He's not willing to give you the commitment you want both in a long term relationship and marriage. He wants his freedom and doesn't want to be tied down. That's how some guys are. He wasn't willing to give his life and devotion to you.

    Instead of figuring out why he rejected and dumped you, let it go so you can heal your broken heart and move on with your life. Let time heal your old wounds someday. This chapter of your life should close so you can recover and look forward to a bright future without him.

    Since he didn't place utmost priority and importance on you, think in your mind, that he's not worth it. Let him live his own life as you forge ahead, start fresh and anew.

    Don't dwell and ruminate anymore because it's mentally unhealthy for you.

    His NC (no contact) signals that it's time to go your permanent separate ways. Someday, he'll become nothing but a blur and he will be out of sight, out of mind as you forge ahead.
    Last edited by Cherylyn; 03-27-2020 at 12:15 AM.

  3. #3
    Thanks for your kind words Cherylyn. Its just so hard. There were times when we got super drunk and he proposed me. But it was all fun. I was actually expecting him to propose me in near times. I cant just accept it.

    We are still following each other on social media where some time ago, i posted a picture and he liked it. I was planning to go NC for 30 days and if within these days, he doesn’t reach out to me, that will be a hard stop and I move on from there. I am confused if i should do it or not.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,415
    Originally Posted by soConfused18
    I feel scared that this no contact may push him to move on. When we last talked, he said he may consider to give our relationship a second shot. During the span of our friendship and relationship, he has always been a caring friend/bf, he know me inside out and would always say that he loves me more than I love him. I was hospitalized once and had a very sad and emotional experience in my life and he was there for me always. I just cant understand where I went wrong and how could this end.
    You don't need to worry about this, given that he's already ended the relationship. That is your sign he wants to move, unfortunately.

    Don't be so hard on yourself, girl. Easier said than done, I know. But you haven't necessarily done anything wrong. Sometimes relationships really do just run their course and one party loses interest. It's sad and frustrating, but that might be what's happened here.

    Just to clarify - how old are you both, and how was your relationship prior to him taking this new job?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,206
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. Was this supposed to be an arranged marriage? Why would your family pressure for marriage after dating for only a year? Try to pull back and give him the space he need to miss you and reflect. Sadly you know what went wrong. Too much too soon with the marriage pressure and he opted out.
    Originally Posted by soConfused18
    my family was pressurizing me to get married, I conveyed my feelings to him

  7. #6
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck

    Just to clarify - how old are you both, and how was your relationship prior to him taking this new job?
    I am 28 and he is 30. Our relationship was perfect, we had fights but always resolved them. I never saw it coming and the part that hurts most is that he never reached out to me after the breakup and he was always the one that during our relationship would always say- he loves more than i do.

  8. #7
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. Was this supposed to be an arranged marriage? Why would your family pressure for marriage after dating for only a year? Try to pull back and give him the space he need to miss you and reflect. Sadly you know what went wrong. Too much too soon with the marriage pressure and he opted out.
    The thing is when we started dating.. we did it for the intention of getting married as we were friends from before. It wasnt an arrange marriage but we were looking forward to get married in the near future. I am giving him time and space but it is just so difficult to let go as I think about him all day in this quarantine time and him not reaching out to see how I am is so hurtful.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    N/A
    Posts
    2,721
    Don't beat yourself up.

    While I understand what you're saying about being "wrong" bringing up your concerns when he was already stressed.

    Its completely unrealistic to expect anyone (yourself) to not have your own emotions etc at the same time.

    I feel this is really telling of his mental state and therefore does not make for a good match. Sure he could argue with you, that he is stressed etc and to stop, but to end things?

    Unfortunately, that's just him choosing to end things. I know that hurts to hear. I've been there! It is a total mind eff.

    Focus on yourself. Stay off your social media, if you can't bring yourself to block him. Because when someone dumps you, you go away. half staying only serves them, to treating you badly in the future.

    I know it seems so unthinkable now, but in time you'll kick yourself for being too nice to him and not blocking him first.

    People that once loved us, can turn cold... And its definitely something in them, not you. Many times, well meaning advice tells you what you did "wrong". But I'm here to tell you weren't wrong.

    If you are being yourself and trying your best to be loving and supportive, that's enough. Its on the other person, too. Being stressed etc, is not an excuse to be selfish to your partner.

  10. #9
    Thanks lambert. What you said is an eye opener for me. During the past 2 month duration, i never heard from him...not even once to see if i am doing okay in this hard time. I felt really bad as now a days everybody is glued to their phones and its not hard to send one text message to person you once claimed to love more than anyone else.

    So finally i put a hard stop today and removed him from my life completely. Removed him from my social media, packed all his stuff in a box and kept it away. Will begin my healing today. Though in the back of mind.. i feel like i may have lost the chance of being together again but if he has not realized now, i dont think he will ever. I feel lighter and hopefully within few days, it wont affect me that much

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    N/A
    Posts
    2,721
    Originally Posted by soConfused18
    Thanks lambert. What you said is an eye opener for me. During the past 2 month duration, i never heard from him...not even once to see if i am doing okay in this hard time. I felt really bad as now a days everybody is glued to their phones and its not hard to send one text message to person you once claimed to love more than anyone else.

    So finally i put a hard stop today and removed him from my life completely. Removed him from my social media, packed all his stuff in a box and kept it away. Will begin my healing today. Though in the back of mind.. i feel like i may have lost the chance of being together again but if he has not realized now, i dont think he will ever. I feel lighter and hopefully within few days, it wont affect me that much
    I'm proud of you. Good for you. And I mean that.

    You're right about him not checking on you. I went through that, too. Like dang, one day I was the best thing that ever happened to a guy, the next, I no longer existed.

    This is a tough time. My area us locked down, like so mamy others in the entire world! And it is a hard time emotionally to begin with. However! Its also a blessing....

    You have this time to sleep, read, binge tv, eat snacks, take long baths.... without any fomo. No one else is doing anything either!

    I've actually lost interest in social media. How many videoes of people having convos with the dog can on person watch. lol.

    Hang in there. Work on yourself and when the pandemic is over, you'll meet someone BETTER!


Videos


Most Women Rather Not Date Unemployed Men

Why Young People Don't Rush To Marry? They Fear Divorce

Why People Lie On Online Dating Services?

Relationships During Quarantine

Cheating Husbands Are at Risk of a Heart Attack

Romance At Work: Yes Or No?
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •