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Thread: How did I get there ...

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Mar 2020
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    How did I get there ...

    Hi everyone, I'm coming here to see if you can help me with my situation. I'll try to make it short enough not to bore you out but i'll happily give more details if needed.

    Long story short, I met this girl a few months ago, we were in the same class. I saw her from the first day as she was the prettiest woman in the room but I wasn't really intending to move forward with it as I work a lot and had a good rythm going on.

    A few weeks later she started talking to me, adding me on social media, being flirty and sending texts every day, it turned into a friendship where we both knew we were attracted to each other. The first few weeks I was trying to get her out, do activities, share moments together but, and I couldn't understand it back then, she usually was saying no to every invitation I was sending. I thought I misread her and she wasn't interested but she kept being flirty. One day after class we spent the whole afternoon together, ate out, sat next to each other being playful and I dropped her at her place before leaving for work. We kept on texting each other for a few hours until late at night when she asked why I didn't kiss her that afternoon. I immediately drove to her place to show her I wanted to but didn't want to damage our relationship, that's why I didn't try before. Right after I kissed her, she told me she had a boyfriend. It was a hard pill to swallow and then she proceeded to give me more details. For example he lives really far from her (like 7h driving), they started dating a few months ago but only spent a few weeks together really. She admitted she was starting to have feelings for me but didn't want to hurt him...

    We both took time to think this over and, I must admit, I wasn't really excited about the situation but it felt like it was more of a "virtual" boyfriend that would fade slowly into the distance as they barely see each other. I know ... I know ...

    So I kept seeing her, we kept on going out, we kept on doing things you usually do with your other half and not a friend until he came for christmas. I didn't see her for a week and we barely talked by messages. The day after he left we saw each other and she told me it wasn't right, we needed to stop what we were doing because she was afraid to hurt me, him and herself at the same time. I said it was probably for the best as I wanted to be with her but didn't want to share her, her virtual boyfriend became a real boyfriend in my mind at that point.

    Over the next few weeks we kept on talking a lot, sat next to each other in class, ... but remained friends, it felt good. One night she went out with friends and ended up drunk, she was in a terrible shape so she asked me if I could pick her up, which I did. I brought her home, cooked her something and dropped her in her bed. Right when I was about to leave she grabbed me and started to kiss me, I told her it wasn't right and we stopped it there. The next few days she was insisting on me coming to her place or doing things together, when I did she told me she had feelings for me, that she loved me but also love him, in a different way. That she believe I'm the man she should be with, like long term, but didn't know what to do, didn't want to hurt him as she still had feelings for him and feels its unfair to let him go "because of the distance" when they both knew it would be hard from the beginning...

    Here we are, a few days before the quarantaine in my country, spending days together and talking about it when they announce the quarantaine, her boyfriend decides to come spend it with her. She's now been locked up with him for over a week but still takes time to write to me, call me, already had a major argument with him over me because she was writing too much to me etc etc. She keeps telling me she loves me and misses me and I'm just here feeling like this is rubbish.

    Obviously I have feelings for her, I also enjoy/love every minute I spend with her, she seems sincere when she tells me about her feelings but I just don't know what to do... I wish for her to leave him and come to me but it seems highly unlikely in a close future. I want to keep her in my life in a way or another (friend or girlfriend) as we really have a lot in common but I dont want this kind of weird relation... What would you do if you were me ? Please help

  2. #2
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    If I were you I would leave the situation all together. She’s not someone you can trust if she’s going behind her boyfriends back with you. Also she could never give you her full heart being as she’s confused about who she likes better.

    You’re right it is rubbish! Time to rinse your hands of her and her emotional baggage. Plus you know you could never just be her friend. The best thing is to walk.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I wish for her to leave him and come to me but it seems highly unlikely in a close future. I want to keep her in my life in a way or another (friend or girlfriend) as we really have a lot in common

    Take your rose-colored glasses off, because either they are clouding your judgement or you haven't had enough life experience to realize she is the worst risk possible to your heart. Why would you want a girlfriend whose ethics suck? A cheater, who doesn't mind playing games with your heart. What she is doing to him, she will do to you when he dumps her. When she says you're her boyfriend, she will be flirting with the next cutie, telling him similar BS, that you work so much you two hardly see each other, and she's developing feelings for him.

    And if you want to stay "friends," no attractive woman you'll attempt to date will give you the time of day when she finds out the inappropriate dynamic and past kissing history you have with Miss Wishy-Washy player.

    This is the time of life you will be meeting a huge amount of attractive singles. Don't you want to be free to find one who has the ability of being faithful? If you accept trash, subconsciously that's exactly what you think you deserve. You're smart enough to be in college. Common sense is as important as book sense, so start using it.

  4. #4
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    She is playing you both. She is a cheater and has very low character.

    How can you have any trust or respect for this woman? Sorry, but she is playing you for a total fool, as you jump everytime she reaches out. In the future, do not be someone's side piece-he is her priority-and respect yourself more. Certainly you can find a girl who wants to be with you, and only you! What happened to your self respect?!

    I also think you should do your own character assessment, as it is terrible for you to continue to pursue someone who is a relationship. Would you like this done to you?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Focus your energy on women who are single and available. Redirect this crush on her. Don't be the male-girlfriend. Also reconnect to friends, family, coworkers, etc.

  7. #6
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    My man, this girl is a hot mess and is playing you like a fiddle.

    She is in no way mature enough to date anyone seriously. You're seeing pretty clearly why she's a poor candidate for a relationship: she's selfish, dishonest, emotionally immature and manipulative.

    You're kidding yourself if you somehow think all these traits would disappear if she breaks up with him to be with you. It would only be a matter of time before she does exactly the same thing to you. You all sound quite young, but believe me, this is not the girl you're going to ride off into the sunset with.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Whenever someone demo's a capacity for disloyalty toward someone else who trusts them, what should that tell you?

    Even if you 'win,' you lose.

  9. #8

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    "And if you want to stay "friends," no attractive woman you'll attempt to date will give you the time of day when she finds out the inappropriate dynamic and past kissing history you have with Miss Wishy-Washy player."

    Yes, that's what I needed to hear. Thanks everyone for your time and input, will make use of the quarantaine time to get used to the distance and not fall back into it !


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