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Thread: What are your thoughts?

  1. #1
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    What are your thoughts?

    I made a post a few days ago, but I gave in again and had a stalk because it was my ex’s girlfriends birthday. He made a post dedicated to her on Instagram saying “wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else with anyone else” - I’m saying this because when we were together he never posted for my birthday. She commented he made me breakfast in bed - I’m also saying this because he never cooked for me once. I know I’m overthinking but I would just like your opinion on this! Do you think he was embarrassed of me because his friends didn’t agree with me and love her? Or do you think he just loves her a load more and just used me for a year and a half? Or anything else.. I will block them but I just want your opinion on it.


    For background - he dumped me out of the blue, a day after asking me to move in with him. 3 months later he starts going out with his current girlfriend, they move in together after 6 months. We were together for a year and a half. Thanks

  2. #2
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    I still think there's a lot you didn't know about him, which is why he kept you away from his friends. He didn't want whatever he was hiding from you to come out so he invented excuses to avoid making those introductions.

    You need to stop doing this to yourself, though, OP. This guy sounds like a total who didn't treat you well. What are you getting from comparing yourself to his new girlfriend all the time?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You don't value yourself, so a guy won't either. Work on your self-esteem, and you'll be seen as a treasure instead of a doormat. You'll attract decent men instead of losers when you love yourself. You won't accept one day of toxicity when you possess self-love.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    try not to torture yourself with this. My advice remains the same: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Ash12345
    I made a post a few days ago, but I gave in again and had a stalk because it was my ex’s girlfriends birthday.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    You don't value yourself, so a guy won't either. Work on your self-esteem, and you'll be seen as a treasure instead of a doormat. You'll attract decent men instead of losers when you love yourself. You won't accept one day of toxicity when you possess self-love.
    This.

    Switch up your questioning, along these lines: Why did you choose to spent 1.5 years with a man who never cooked for you, who didn't want to celebrate you on social media, who kind of kept you and your relationship in the shade?

    Figure out the answer to those questions—the ones all this stalking and obsessing about him and her, as if they're monsters or superheroes, is allowing you to avoid—and you'll be on the path to real clarity, empowerment, and, eventually, a connection that is built with much stronger fibers than this one ever was.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    This.

    Switch up your questioning, along these lines: Why did you choose to spent 1.5 years with a man who never cooked for you, who didn't want to celebrate you on social media, who kind of kept you and your relationship in the shade?

    Figure out the answer to those questions—the ones all this stalking and obsessing about him and her, as if they're monsters or superheroes, is allowing you to avoid—and you'll be on the path to real clarity, empowerment, and, eventually, a connection that is built with much stronger fibers than this one ever was.
    Very true!

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    You don't value yourself, so a guy won't either. Work on your self-esteem, and you'll be seen as a treasure instead of a doormat. You'll attract decent men instead of losers when you love yourself. You won't accept one day of toxicity when you possess self-love.
    Yeah I agree! My self-esteem is at an all time low.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ash12345
    Yeah I agree! My self-esteem is at an all time low.
    Why do you have a poor opinion of yourself? Just because this guy broke up with you or did you always feel badly about yourself?

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Why do you have a poor opinion of yourself? Just because this guy broke up with you or did you always feel badly about yourself?
    I’ve always kinda struggled with it a little, but it definitely was no were near as bad as it is now

  11. #10
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ash12345
    I’ve always kinda struggled with it a little, but it definitely was no were near as bad as it is now
    Continuing to attach yourself to that guy is not going to make your self esteem any better. And by continuing to look at his (and her) social media, you are keeping yourself attached.

    Please do this; next time you want to look at their social media, tell yourself "I am deliberately choosing to hurt myself. I can no longer blame him for hurting me because he stopped. I am choosing to do this and will take responsibility for how I feel afterward."

    Then ask yourself if looking will make you feel better or feel worse.

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