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My fiance dumped me. He stated that to him we are still together and he isn't looking for anyone else and that he love me. We hang out and still communicate. Sometimes we have really good days and forget that we aren't "offical". But that don't sit right with me. I get angry and i feel like if we are going to act like we are together than why can't we be together. He said he is at a mental standstill in his life and need to work on bettering himself and i should do the same. That's cool and all but it don't make sense to me. How are we supposed to better ourselves apart but still be involved in each others lives? Its frustrating. I just want to move on. Not move on and sleep around, but move on and heal. I want us to grow together, not apart and he won't change his mind and i hurt him constantly by being ok with it one moment and hurt the next. He keep saying stuff like "I don't know what I'm doing" or "I'm lost and confused" "I'm sorry, i don't want you to hurt"....

 

Can somebody explain what im supposed to do. Why is he doing this. I need to make a very big decision and i dont want to feel selfish or regret from it.

 

And please no bashing. I'm not ok the last thing i need is some to tell me to get over it. My mind is fragile and sometimes i don't even want to be alive.

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He can't break up with you and expect you to still act like a couple. That is astonishingly selfish. He is trying to keep you warm so he can still enjoy the benefits of a relationship without being committed to you, which is a recipe for disaster.

 

Completely unfair and unkind. Tell him you're not okay with this arrangement anymore, and not to contact you unless he genuinely wants to reconcile. None of this half-way malarkey.

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Sorry to hear this. Your are justifiably upset. What was the faux-breakup about? Sadly he has merely demoted you to FWB. You are thinking this will lead to moving forward and reconciliation, and he is thinking 'now I don't have to get married or be committed but can string her along for sex'.

 

He is giving you a bunch of "confused' lines and double-talk to keep you around for his purposes, while he doesn't respect or care enough to work it out or go forward. He Does want to hurt you, don't kid yourself. You need to immediately go no contact and delete and block him and all his people from all your messaging apps and social media. Let him be "confused" alone.

My fiance dumped me. He stated that to him we are still together

Sometimes we have really good days and forget that we aren't "offical".

He keep saying stuff like "I don't know what I'm doing" or "I'm lost and confused"

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You're hurting him?

 

Think about that. He is jerking you around and now he's hurt that you are not ok with it?

 

That is one big manipulation and mind f.

 

i would have to break up with him for the sheer facts that he is not ready for any kind of committed relationships, let alone a marriage!

 

Do not give him comfort while he basically drains you and gets strong enough to leave.

 

This man is a coward.

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Follow what your gut is telling you - you need to end this and allow yourself to heal and move on. Your instincts are right on point.

 

The day he broke up with you, he lost the privilege of your friendship, companionship and so on. He doesn't get to have things both ways where he ends the relationship and still gets to act like he is in one. If he is telling you that he needs to sort himself out, then give him all the space in the world to do just that. Tell him straight up that you are going to cut contact and that you only want to hear from him if he decides that he wants to reconcile after he has sorted himself out. Then go absolute no contact and heal yourself.

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He said he is at a mental standstill in his life and need to work on bettering himself and i should do the same.

 

I'd tell him you'll take him up on his on point advice, wish him well and if/when he "betters himself" he can look you up if you're still available.

 

No more "freebies" yet when all is said and done, you'll send the message that you have much more respect for yourself than to fall for his BS.

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This now boyfriend-girlfriend or friends relationship will go nowhere. It's time to go your separate ways permanently.

 

Tell him to go find himself, do his own soul searching, "better himself," think about his "confusion," figure out "what he's doing" and all of that hot air. He's being overly dramatic.

 

The bottom line is this: He doesn't love you THAT much. It's more convenient for him to have you as his girlfriend or friend; no strings attached. He doesn't love you enough to give you a legal commitment. Not nearly enough. In other words, his intentions with you are dishonorable and insincere because his liking you only goes so far and stops short. This is your harsh reality check, Kiakitty.

 

Remain realistic about your relationship with him which is dead IMHO. He's a lost cause.

 

He has the "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" mentality. :upset:

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Can somebody explain what im supposed to do.

 

Sure. Quit awaiting directives from him as far as if he'll do you the honor of letting you be in a relationship with him. He apparently made his decision. Make your own decision and dismiss him posthaste.

 

I would not be available for him should he change his mind eventually. Unless you want to go through all this again at some point down the road.

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Oh no that was years ago. And no he never got clean. Im not who i used to be ive grown a little. This was supposed to be the good guy. Church going honest man. I really thought this was going to be my last relationship when he asked to marry me.

 

Good that you moved on from that guy.

 

If someone loves you, they do not treat you this way.

 

I am sorry, but your ex is stringing you along. It is very selfish and cruel. You must cut him loose, block, and delete. There is no future here.

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I can't speak for you, but the moment a partner were to downgrade me to anything less, muchness some warped version of a FWB, I'd tell him he can keep that--whatever 'it' is--and have it with someone else. I'd be gone so fast there'd be no time to notice whether or not his head spins.

 

Respect yourself. It's the only way to earn respect from anyone else.

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Im not sure on what he expect me to do. I think he think im always going to be there but i really don't have time for this . Our last argument he stated that his daughter need more attention cause his wife died and he needed to be there for her. One that was 3 years ago. Two, he should have been doing they way before he chased me down and asked me to marry him. On the outside looking in everyone seem to think what im thinking. But he is on a whole different level of bull. Completely convinced himself that he is getting his priorities straight, and that we are still together and its nothing he can do for me even though he left me homeless. He basically been hiding me from his daughter. Its so degrading. Day 4 NC. Im just preparing to move on.

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Ok that's fine, but make a clean and complete break. Can you move back to where you lived before?

he stated that his daughter need more attention cause his wife died and he needed to be there for her. its nothing he can do for me even though he left me homeless.
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Im not sure on what he expect me to do. I think he think im always going to be there but i really don't have time for this . Our last argument he stated that his daughter need more attention cause his wife died and he needed to be there for her. One that was 3 years ago. Two, he should have been doing they way before he chased me down and asked me to marry him. On the outside looking in everyone seem to think what im thinking. But he is on a whole different level of bull. Completely convinced himself that he is getting his priorities straight, and that we are still together and its nothing he can do for me even though he left me homeless. He basically been hiding me from his daughter. Its so degrading. Day 4 NC. Im just preparing to move on.

 

Skip the focus on what HE wants from you, and focus instead on what YOU want for yourself.

 

If you're smart, it won't be him. Then it won't matter what he expects from you. Make your own rules.

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