Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 31

Thread: Everyone loves my husband

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    17
    No, no one new has come into my life. I've felt this way for a long time but I always kind of bury these feelings. We have two daughters together and I feel kind of stuck. But recently with this new position at the university it's gotten worse.

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    17
    Miss Canuck, wow, I couldn't have put it better myself. That's exactly what I'm feeling. There's almost never been emotional intimacy, so with that the physical intimacy has gone too. I don't feel attracted to someone who so desperately needs the approval and admiration of others. Yet doesn't feel the need to have an intimate bond with me. Or doesn't know how to. I feel completely alone in this marriage.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    14,625
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Traes
    No, no one new has come into my life. I've felt this way for a long time but I always kind of bury these feelings. We have two daughters together and I feel kind of stuck. But recently with this new position at the university it's gotten worse.
    That's exactly what I'm feeling. There's almost never been emotional intimacy, so with that the physical intimacy has gone too. I don't feel attracted to someone who so desperately needs the approval and admiration of others. Yet doesn't feel the need to have an intimate bond with me. Or doesn't know how to. I feel completely alone in this marriage.
    Well have you told Him how you are feeling? What has he said, if you have talked to him about how you're feeling?

  4. #14
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    17
    When I tell him how I feel he states at me blankly like he doesn't know what to do. If I push at all he gets defensive.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    923
    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    He's a narcissist. Narcissists have their dark side which is their personal life and personal relationships. It is indeed an unsavory side to their character.

    No, you're not being ridiculous. Don't be jealous because you know the real him. Narcissists are extremely selfish, self-centered and insecure. Secure people are modest, humble, self-confident yet not cocky.

    The problem is you're married to him. Everyone loves the life of the party. Then when they have their private life, it's not fun engaging with a narcissist everyday at home.

    He either needs therapy or both of you need professional marriage counseling because he's not going to change for you otherwise. "A leopard cannot change its spots." He is who he is from birth.

    I don't take too much stock into feeling impressed by popular people anymore because behind closed doors, their characters are despicable. I know several narcissists and they're very difficult to live with if not impossible.

    Educate yourself and surf the Net. Google: "Narcissism" or "Narcissist." It's a real eye opener.
    I totally agree with Cherylyn >>> "No, you're not being ridiculous. Don't be jealous because you know the real him. Narcissists are extremely selfish, self-centered and insecure. Secure people are modest, humble, self-confident yet not cocky."

    I was married to one and it's not pleasant, I assure you. I know it has a lot to do with insecurity. Your husband desperately needs for people to tell him how wonderful, etc that he is. It gets old after a while.

  7. #16
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    17
    Goddess and Cherylyn, omg, this thread has opened my eyes again. It's difficult because when you research narcissists they talk about how they belittle you and put you down. He would never outright say or do anything hurtful to me. It's much more subtle. It's not about putting me down. I don't think he really cares about what's going on with me. We're all just supposed to adore him. But when he starts to think I may be pulling away a d have had enough, he'll get very attentive. But it's still in a selfish way. If that even makes sense. I'm going to start seeing my therapist again and figure out what I need to do to be happy and raise happy healthy daughters.

  8. #17
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    17
    Oh and thank you everyone who read and responded! Your responses have been VERY helpful! Thank you!!

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,015
    Originally Posted by Traes
    Goddess and Cherylyn, omg, this thread has opened my eyes again. It's difficult because when you research narcissists they talk about how they belittle you and put you down. He would never outright say or do anything hurtful to me. It's much more subtle. It's not about putting me down. I don't think he really cares about what's going on with me. We're all just supposed to adore him. But when he starts to think I may be pulling away a d have had enough, he'll get very attentive. But it's still in a selfish way. If that even makes sense. I'm going to start seeing my therapist again and figure out what I need to do to be happy and raise happy healthy daughters.
    I'm sorry you're going through this, Traes. Good thing you'll see your therapist again and hopefully your husband will get professional help, too. Something needs to be done otherwise he'll drag you and your daughters down to a dark hole called an abyss. And yes, narcissism can be passive aggressive, too. Either way, it's all very bad, unacceptable and intolerable.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    4,236
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry about the feelings of disconnect. Alone is no way to feel inside a marriage.

    I'm curious to know how your own life is going, outside the marriage and motherhood. Do you have sources of joy, of inspiration, things that reflect a dynamic, evolving version of yourself back to yourself? Have you by chance found that, since becoming a mother, your identity as an individual and as a woman has become a bit blurry?

    The reason I ask all that is because I believe there are limitations to finding comfort in diagnosing your husband as a narcissist, since it continues to give him an enormous amount of power and sway and make him the source of all problems with the solution to those problems being...well, what, exactly? Treating his narcissism?

    That's a risky proposition, right there, so I guess I'm wondering if there's anything in your life that you'd like to see change rather than just seeing if he can change. Amazing how much power can be found in that. Doubly amazing is what happens when we feel empowered, particularly self-empowered: other people, even those closest to us, even those with some tendencies toward self-absorption, don't have quite the same sway on our emotional cores.

    That's not me trying to minimize his shortcomings here, or even to turn the lens on your own. Not at all. Just trying to offer a perspective that gives you some power independent of him—a way of feeling seen and heart by your own spirit, if that makes sense.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,015
    Narcissism is like a cancer in the home that won't go away.

Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •