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Thread: Everyone loves my husband

  1. #1
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    Everyone loves my husband

    My problem may sound silly, but it really bothers me. Everyone I meet absolutely falls in love with my husband and thinks he's the greatest guy. He is a nice guy and I love him, but he has his idiosyncrasies too and one thing about him that bothers me is that he's a bit self-centered. He loves talking about himself and doesn't seem interested in getting to know others. That's a problem for me, but not for other people. They love to hear him talk about himself. People treat him like he's a celebrity. They literally hang on his every word and laugh at his every joke. Everyone wants to be his friend. Even my friends and family act like I married a celebrity and kind of worship him. He is very smart and successful in his career and is very well respected, and he makes a lot of money. He loves that people adore him the way they do and it's completely gone to his head. He'll do things like throw a little bit of information about himself out to get people to ask him questions about himself. He does that all the time. He plays the "nice guy" role so convincingly. And it comes off making me look angry because it's annoying. I've never experienced this with anyone I've dated before and I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life feeling this way. What's my problem? Am I being ridiculous? Am I just jealous?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    He's a narcissist. Narcissists have their dark side which is their personal life and personal relationships. It is indeed an unsavory side to their character.

    No, you're not being ridiculous. Don't be jealous because you know the real him. Narcissists are extremely selfish, self-centered and insecure. Secure people are modest, humble, self-confident yet not cocky.

    The problem is you're married to him. Everyone loves the life of the party. Then when they have their private life, it's not fun engaging with a narcissist everyday at home.

    He either needs therapy or both of you need professional marriage counseling because he's not going to change for you otherwise. "A leopard cannot change its spots." He is who he is from birth.

    I don't take too much stock into feeling impressed by popular people anymore because behind closed doors, their characters are despicable. I know several narcissists and they're very difficult to live with if not impossible.

    Educate yourself and surf the Net. Google: "Narcissism" or "Narcissist." It's a real eye opener.
    Last edited by Cherylyn; 03-25-2020 at 06:40 PM.

  3. #3
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I don't think it's jealousy as much as dissatisfaction with your marriage. How long have you been married?

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    Wow, you just reminded me, I had a friend who's mom was a narcissist tell me the same thing. And I think you're absolutely right. He is very insecure.
    He recently got a job at a very prestigious university and he brings it up to EVERYONE we talk to no matter what the conversation. Like, we could be talking about how blue the sky is and he'll say, "the university's colors are blue" to which the other person will say, "What university is that?" and off he goes.. We've been married for 17 years, believe it or not. There are times when I think he's a really great guy too and I'm very lucky. But then times when I realize there's no intimacy because he never, ever, ever asks me anything about myself.

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Traes
    Everyone I meet absolutely falls in love with my husband
    I've never experienced this with anyone I've dated before and I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life feeling this way.
    Wait! What?

    We've been married for 17
    Something isn't adding up?

    Has someone new come into your life that makes you all of a sudden think, after 17 years married (lord knows how long you've dated before that) you can't spend the rest of your life "feelings this way."

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    ThatwasThen, I don't understand your question.

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    You sound deeply unsatisfied with your marriage, and your resentment over others' adoration of him is really just a symptom of that problem. You feel unseen and unheard in your marriage, if I understand it correctly, and other people fawning over him triggers that painful feeling.

    With that in mind, let's peel it back a little further: How long have you felt this way, OP? You say there is no intimacy - do you mean both physical and emotional?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Traes
    ThatwasThen, I don't understand your question.
    Well, I'm not sure I understand your situation, actually. I'm wondering why you first say "husband" then you say you never dated anyone like him before yet you've been married for 17 years.

    Have you met someone new that has made you wonder about the rest of your life. Or: You've put up with this for 17 years or longer and are you saying your finally at, or getting at, the end of your rope with him?

  10. #9
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Traes
    ThatwasThen, I don't understand your question.
    In other words, it took you 17 years to decide you can't spend the rest of your life with this? Or is there something new in your life that looks better?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Yep, narcissists are a different beast all their own. They think the whole world revolves around them and that they're the greatest gift to mankind. They're a pathetic lot because they'll never be happy within their own skin. Narcissists are internally extremely insecure.

    Narcissists lack empathy to the core which is a given.

    Narcissism is a severe mental disorder for which there is no cure.

    I have several narcissists within my midst and fortunately, I can enforce healthy boundaries with them.

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