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Thread: I Finally Did It. Man Does it Hurt.

  1. #1

    I Finally Did It. Man Does it Hurt.

    So seven months after her breaking up with me I finally blocked her on all forms of media and her number. I donít know why I stuck around for so long, I wanted the old her back, I knew she was in there somewhere deep down but after getting my hopes up and hurt time and time again, I finally gave up.

    We shared the same friend group and one of her old high school exís has always been one of her best friends. He would constantly make advances on her while we were dating but she would always tell me when he did. Funnily enough, two months after she left me he also left his girlfriend and her and him had a thing going on for awhile. I only know what I hear from other people but I guess they slept together a lot and she wanted to date him badly but he didnít want to date her.

    She found out he was sleeping with his ex while he was also sleeping with her early this month and she went into a depression. Thatís when she reached out to me again. Like an idiot, I thought she actually wanted to be friend again. We hung out a couple of times and it was fun albeit I could clearly tell she was depressed. She texted me regularly for the first three weeks then all of a sudden I stop hearing from her. I friends with both of them on Facebook and noticed they were always on messenger at the same time, I mean nonstop for almost an entirety of each day. I started to catch on that heís trying to get back into her life and I contemplated giving up on her.

    As exís do she ended up messaging me today. Talking about the corona virus, hoping Iím safe, and sends me a listing of a dog she thinks I should adopt. I try to carry a conversation with her but she responds with one to two words most of the time. Why even start a conversation with me if youíre not going to put any effort into it? I would wait hours for responses while at the same time I constantly see her and him online. So I finally did it. It hurts so much, I donít understand how she can be so head over heels for a guy that has broken her trust and did her wrong multiple times throughout her life and she keeps going back for him. Iíve never done anything to hurt her and I have always been there for her, yet here I am, the second option for when she gets lonely or when heís not giving her attention.

    This was mostly just a rant. To get seven months of bad memories off my chest. How do I move on from this? Any advice? Iím so lost and lonely. I donít talk to much people so most of my interactions involve my friends and the scraps of attention that she would give me. Thanks for taking the time to read this, means a lot.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    "I donít understand how she can be so head over heels for a guy that has broken her trust and did her wrong multiple times throughout her life "

    And yet, you're doing the same thing.

    Blocking her was the best thing to do. She causes the pain, she doesn't cure it.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    The only way from here is up! You've blocked and deleted her so now you can take time to heal and move on with your life.

  4. #4
    Youíre certainly right. It feels liberating for sure, just empty.

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  6. #5
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Percival99
    Youíre certainly right. It feels liberating for sure, just empty.
    Itís always so tempting to choose ďstatus quoĒ instead of ďcharacter building.Ē The familiar, even if itís toxic, is....well familiar, and thereís comfort in familiarity. While change, even the growth-oriented and positive change that leads us to better things, is always painful to one degree or another.

    Kudos to you for choosing the path less traveled and exploring new experiences in life! This is a cool place to vent if the going gets rough, and Iíve found that doing my best to be helpful to others who may post here eases my own concerns considerably. Good luck!

  7. #6
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    I have sooo been where you are and man was it painful. My only advice to you is to be kind to yourself. Don't get mad at yourself for wanting her and obsessing over her, in spite of how she treats you. It will get better and you will get over her. I did, and it felt really, really good when I did. But was so painful when I was still caught up. Just give it time. You're far from over her. I would also advise that you unfriend both of them. It will be painful, but it will help you to stop focusing on her and checking to see if they're both online. Find another, healthier way to spend your time. It does get a lot easier. Hood luck.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Percival99
    Youíre certainly right. It feels liberating for sure, just empty.
    Empty is good. You have to clean out the moldy container before you can put something good in it again.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You haven't had closure because you've clung onto that lifeline, so you've never achieved closure and you're still in the mourning stage. Now that you've cut the line, with time, you will achieve healing and moving on. It'll likely take a good 3 or 4 months, but that's just a blink of time when you think about it. You'll get there.

    Always keep up with your friends and hobbies so that you always have other positive stuff going on in your life besides having a gf.

    I wanted the old her back, I knew she was in there somewhere deep down but after getting my hopes up and hurt time and time again, I finally gave up.

    We shared the same friend group and one of her old high school exís has always been one of her best friends. He would constantly make advances on her while we were dating but she would always tell me when he did. I wanted to point out this major red flag that you missed, so that you don't make the same mistake again--dating someone without good relationship boundaries.

    Sorry, but just "telling" you about how her "best friend/ex" hit on her, and with regularity, doesn't make her an innocent bystander.

    I know what it means to cut guys off at the knees who pull this BS when they know I'm married. I don't need the ego boost. I don't need the attention. I don't need someone else causing trouble in my happy marriage and making my husband wonder what the hell I'm doing by allowing any other guy to blatantly flirt with me. I've put co-workers in their place and they never crossed that line again. I've unfriended from Facebook a group friend I'd had when we were teens, and tried to message me with sexual nuances.

    The old her was someone you saw through rose-colored glasses, and you still don't seem to realize she was never that great to begin with if she was crossing relationship boundaries all that time with her ex.

    We all make mistakes, but that's okay as long as we learn from them. With each relationship you will learn what you want and what you don't want. The secret for relationship happiness is to cut the losers loose as soon as we see dealbreakers, so we will be free when the right one comes along.

    When you meet someone worthy of you, you will appreciate her all that much more, after experiencing someone "less than." I know that happened to me. Take care.

  10. #9
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    Don't waste another seven months of your life:block and delete!

  11. #10
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Block her for crying out loud. If you did that 7 months ago we wouldn't be having this conversation. Time to go forward. life will be great if you just ditch this baggage.


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