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Thread: Should I leave my husband ?

  1. #1

    Should I leave my husband ?

    My husband and I have been together for 7 years now and married for 6 months. We share a toddler together.
    Our relationship has been more or less perfect up until the day my daughter was born and then exploded the day after the wedding.
    My in-laws and my husband have always been a tight knit family with contact daily with them, they were always nice/respectful towards me during my pregnancy. My FIL came from over sees before the birth of my Daughter and had planned to stay a few months before returning again. Because we had booked our wedding for when our daughter was 1 meant he decided to stay and live with us for the year. This is where problems started escalating. This man is known by everyone that knows him to be a VERY difficult person both at work and with family constantly being a pain and causing issues. My husband and him have always had a volatile relationship but after the birth of our daughter their relationship has disintegrated resulting in them to no longer be on talking terms for the last 6 months.
    My FIL started telling how to do everything regarding my daughter, how to change a nappy, feeding , play , clothes, absolutely everything and anything he had an opinion on and would belittle me and embarrass me by making it out I was doing everything wrong. It was the most stressful time of my life having this elderly man who never helped raise his own children give me his totally wrong, ignorant and old fashion advice constantly. My husband argued with him daily to stop his behaviour but he never did. From this I got severe postnatal depression and was heavily medicated because I was a nervous wreck.
    I begged with my husband to have his father leave and he said as soon as the wedding is over he will be leaving.
    Things because worse over the year and leading up to the wedding there was an enormous amount of tension.
    On the wedding day my in-laws behaved like a pack of wild dogs. They completely snobbed and were rude and unfriendly to my family (no hello or even a congrats).
    When I walked down the aisle the whole church stood up beside my father in law who remained seated with a filthy look on his face. The whole church ceremony was done in another language even tho I specified I wanted in English (this was the MIL doings), FIL gave a speech in another language so I couldn’t understand, SIL parades around like it was her wedding and tried to upstage me by wearing basically a dress that could have been a wedding dress. My family and I were in tears and it was the worst day of my life.
    The day after the wedding I had an argument with the SIL she had been like a best friend to me leading up to the wedding when on the day she did not speak 1 word to me and I was cut very deeply by this.
    My husband in this has been acting spineless and putting his family first before me. He refused to pull them up on their actions over the year, brushing it under the rug and giving the excuse of “that’s just what they’re like”
    I let this go.
    Couple of months after the wedding MIL and FIL were spending every single day at our house coming unannounced, ignoring me, kidnapping my daughter and being nasty. After 1 month of this behaviour I had an enormous argument with both of them which resulted in both of them being physically violent towards me and my daughter, my MIL kept trying to take her out of my arms and attack me at the same time when I pushed her away from us my FIL has grabbed my arm and pulled it backwards I thought it was broken.
    This incident has left me absolutely a mess, I had bruises on my face and arms and was scared for the life of my daughter. When my husband returned home both my In-laws lied and lied and lied I am shocked to this day of how they could lie so much. My husband has known for over a year what has been going on as I nag and argue with him almost daily about them. We split up for a few weeks after the incident because he wasn’t being supportive of me and seemed to be taken their side. Nothing I could say or do would get him to listen to me. After things cooled down we started living together again but he still refused to kick the FIL out and kept saying he’s going soon. Fast forward to today it’s been 1.5 of living with my FIL with NO signs of him leaving. My relationship with my husband is basically non existent. I am miserable and sad. I can’t have a conversation with him about his family without him being extremely defensive.
    He is an amazing dad and before these issues I loved him so much. I grew up with a single mother and it was extremely hard and I promised myself if I have kids I wouldn’t allow that to happen. But now I can’t see any other way, the only thing keeping me is I don’t want to be a single mother and make my child suffer.
    My relationship with my husband is great when his family is not involved daily and keeps me hope that it may return. I am severely heartbroken and depressed because of these issues. And this is just scratching the surface, I would take a year to write everything that has happened
    I don’t know what to do anymore I am desperate, should I stay or leave.? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
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    Wether or not to end the marriage is besides the point. You need to get away from these people and protect yourself and your child from them. Your husband does not sounds able to do this himself.

    The while situation sounds horrible and dangerous.

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    You need to go to a lawyer, immediately. If anyone lays a hand on you you call the police IMMEDIATELY.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    The only thing that popped in to my mind is where can you PHYSICALLY go to be safe from violence and abuse? Do you have relatives or friends who will let you and your daughter stay with them?

    I couldn’t possibly fathom what’s in your heart about trying to save your marriage or leaving him for good...I would never pretend to be able to choose for another person...but leaving “for now” seems like a minimum safety measure.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    If your husband doesn't forbid them from having any contact with you, then yes...you should divorce him.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    After leaving you with bruises, there was your golden chance to file assault charges, along with filing for a restraining order. As this point, both you and your child are in imminent danger while your husband sides with these idiots.

    I would contact social services, and go from there.

  8. #7
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    Agree with everyone!

    What country are you living in? Why is the FIL still there? These people are dangerous!

    This sounds miserable. You need to leave you husband, you and your child should not be exposed to this.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Children would rather be from a broken home than live in one. Think about that.

    I would be gone, if I was you. Take your child and move in with family or a friend. Talk to a lawyer.

  10. #9
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    If the marriage ceremony was performed in a language you did not understand, that is strong grounds for an annulment. I would have put my foot down about FIL moving in from the get go and would have moved in with my parents or other relatives before allowing that nonsense. I would definitely see an attorney to find out what your rights are, and to file for custody of your child and possibly file for divorce. I would get a restraining order because they were physically violent. your husband allowed this. He does not deserve you.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Are you and your husband from different cultures? Is this an arranged marriage? Call the police immediately if someone assaults you. It's foolish to allow your child to be subjected to this. Get to a doctor/ER asap and document the assault. Immediately ask friends/family to take the child.

    Get a restraining order against the FIL and MIL asap for yourself and your child.. Sadly your husband is in on this and allows and condones this domestic violence. You need to get yourself and your child to safely.
    Originally Posted by Rosebud19
    married for 6 months. We share a toddler together.

    both of them being physically violent towards me and my daughter, my MIL kept trying to take her out of my arms and attack me at the same time when I pushed her away from us my FIL has grabbed my arm and pulled it backwards I thought it was broken. I had bruises on my face and arms and was scared for the life of my daughter.

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