Is she lying to me?

I have been dating this girl for approximately 3 weeks and things have been going great. Recently, a friend pointed out to me that she heard that the girl I was dating was sleeping with her colleague (they were caught by another colleague who walked in on them in the workplace). The one who walked in on them told my friend, and my friend told me. I asked the girl I was dating if this was true, and she got mad and told me it wasnt true. I dont know if she is lying to me as she got defensive over a simple question.

May or may not be true. I would just see how things go. Could be a red flag though. If there is another red flag, I would be out.

When we are first dating someone there are usually signs of whether or not they are good/bad for us. Eyes open.

She hasnt been replying to me. I apologized for asking if it was out of place, but she hasnt replied.

Did this supposedly happen before you were dating? Also, who exactly is the person who told you? An ex? Or a friend?

This supposedly happened around 1-2 months before we were dating and it was told to be by a good friend of mine.

It’s definitely possible it happened. Once she cools down, you’ll have to talk it out. Keep your eyes open with this girl though.

Thats what I was thinking. If it didnt happen she wouldnt have gotten so mad about it. And it wouldnt have been a big deal since it was before we started dating. If she doesnt want to talk or fix this, then I wouldnt want to force it.

May or may not be true. I would just see how things go. Could be a red flag though. If there is another red flag, I would be out.

When we are first dating someone there are usually signs of whether or not they are good/bad for us. Eyes open.

She hasnt been replying to me. I apologized for asking if it was out of place, but she hasnt replied.

Thats what I was thinking. If it didnt happen she wouldnt have gotten so mad about it. And it wouldnt have been a big deal since it was before we started dating. If she doesnt want to talk or fix this, then I wouldnt want to force it.

That isn't necessarily true.

She might also be upset that she is the subject of office gossip, OP. Especially if it's unfounded. I also can't agree that it was a simple question; it was a loaded one. You're only 3 weeks into this so it's a rather invasive question in any case. I am not saying the rumor definitely isn't true, but her reaction is not your indicator that is true, either. And if it wouldn't have been a big deal since it was before you were dating, then why ask her about it to begin with? Something to think about.

In any event, if she isn't responding to you, there's not a lot you can do. She might be willing to talk once the dust settles a little.

Why did you ask, you weren't dating?

That isn't necessarily true.

 

She might also be upset that she is the subject of office gossip, OP. Especially if it's unfounded. I also can't agree that it was a simple question; it was a loaded one. You're only 3 weeks into this so it's a rather invasive question in any case. I am not saying the rumor definitely isn't true, but her reaction is not your indicator that is true, either. And if it wouldn't have been a big deal since it was before you were dating, then why ask her about it to begin with? Something to think about.

 

In any event, if she isn't responding to you, there's not a lot you can do. She might be willing to talk once the dust settles a little.

I have known her before we started dating. We pteciously worked together last November-December 2019 before I moved to a different office. It wouldnt have been a big deal, but I wanted to know if it were true or not so as to defend her to her colleagues. And yes, I guess it was a loaded question but it was something I needed to know as they are still working together.

My source is a friend of mine who swears that it was true. She has been my friend for years now and she wouldnt just spread rumors.

Why did you ask, you weren't dating?

We may not have been dating then but she is still working with the person she slept with. I would like to know if this were to go further that nothing of the sort can happen again.

We may not have been dating then but she is still working with the person she slept with. I would like to know if this were to go further that nothing of the sort can happen again.

I highly doubt she would tell you that it might. It does not sound like you trust her. May be better to move on.

I highly doubt she would tell you that it might. It does not sound like you trust her. May be better to move on.

I know it was risky to ask that question, but it would be a concern in the long run. They both work in the hospital they work 36hrs a day and almost spend most of the time together. If they had a past, it would be understandable as it happened before we started dating, but her reaction to the question was what bothered me.

It wouldnt have been a big deal, but I wanted to know if it were true or not so as to defend her to her colleagues. And yes, I guess it was a loaded question but it was something I needed to know as they are still working together..

The issue with this? You don't need to defend her. You could have simply said it was her private business and left it at that with these colleagues who frankly don't need to know anyway.

If you had wanted to address it with her, there were more delicate ways you could have approached her. It might have been wiser to ask if she'd dated anyone at work, and take the conversation from there.

Anyway, what's done is done. I guess there's no sense stressing over that part of it. She is bothered by your line of questioning, and you are bothered by her reaction. There isn't really much more you can do if she doesn't wish to discuss it further.

Why would this "good" friend spread hearsay and nasty gossip like this to the point of sabotaging your budding romance? What is the relationship between this "good" friend and you? Accusing someone you know for 21 days of nasty hearsay like this is a sure way to get rid of them.

This supposedly happened around 1-2 months before we were dating and it was told to be by a good friend of mine.

Let her cool down and stop texting her.

You need to accept that she has had sex with other men before you and yes they may still be alive and even work with her. Stop being insecure and needy.

If you were not dating when she had sex with the guy then it has nothing to do with now does it? You should have thought twice before confronting her.

Let it go a few days and leave her alone. If she contacts you then ask to talk (real talking on the phone) and let her know her past is none of your business and you were wrong to ask.

Lost

Thats what I was thinking. If it didnt happen she wouldnt have gotten so mad about it. And it wouldnt have been a big deal since it was before we started dating. If she doesnt want to talk or fix this, then I wouldnt want to force it.

If you werent dating, what's the problem?

What is there to "fix"? Your retroactive jealousy? Your confronting her and demanding an answer?

I would not react well. I understand why she isn't either.