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Thread: My fiancé is watching porn

  1. #51
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Were they just searches? How do you know what she is watching? You are over-reacting. You have no proof she is watching anything.
    In a followup reply a few pages ago he mentioned they had a discussion about it... though there wasn't much communication to be had as it sounds like the OP just said "hey your doing this terrible thing aren't you" and she said "yes" and shut the conversation down.

    To the OP... your best bet from here on is to talk to your girlfriend more. Try to ask her about what she does in a way that doesn't accuse her and have an open mind about what she says. Then you can tell her again about your views on porn, and you can decide together whether this is something you are going to try to work through, or if it's a big enough dealbreaker that you are both better off finding someone more compatible.

    You probably aren't going to feel better by just trying to get over it on your own or ignoring the problem.

  2. #52
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    Originally Posted by saluk
    In a followup reply a few pages ago he mentioned they had a discussion about it... though there wasn't much communication to be had as it sounds like the OP just said "hey your doing this terrible thing aren't you" and she said "yes" and shut the conversation down.

    To the OP... your best bet from here on is to talk to your girlfriend more. Try to ask her about what she does in a way that doesn't accuse her and have an open mind about what she says. Then you can tell her again about your views on porn, and you can decide together whether this is something you are going to try to work through, or if it's a big enough dealbreaker that you are both better off finding someone more compatible.

    You probably aren't going to feel better by just trying to get over it on your own or ignoring the problem.
    Yes, lots of open communication and discussion, without anger. OP you have to remember that in general most people are fine with porn and do watch porn. So getting visibly angry at your fiance about something that's considered normal in most societies is probably not the way to go.

    And you don't have a right to tell her what she can and can't do with her sexuality. If she watched child porn then yeah that's disturbing and illegal. But watching porn with adult porn stars is not morally wrong. Keep in mind too that some porn deals with taboo subjects, e.g. teacher and school girl. So you see the girl in a school uniform and obviously the idea of teacher and underage student seems wrong. However the actual girl in the porno is not underage, she is of legal age (in most cases I'm sure). A lot of porn is just acting out people's fetishes and fantasies. In some cases these are only fantasies to get off to. E.g. if someone likes to watch brother/sister porn, doesn't mean in real life they've ever been attracted to their siblings or would ever do that.

    Some people also watch porn out of curiosity or to explore their sexuality and see if they would like it. Sometimes porn can be something both partners can enjoy together. But if you're against it then how can your fiance share it with you? Then she has to do it in secret.

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