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Thread: My fiancé is watching porn

  1. #31
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Can you 100% say you would be ok with this?
    I can say because I am. My spouse of of decades views porn in his private time. It doesn't bother me because he doesn't neglect me to do it. I THINK I would be a little weirded out if he was watching incest porn but it would because I would be worried that he had been abused and had unprocessed, negative thoughts about it. I do know him long enough to know that what he does watch doesn't affect him (or me) negatively in any way.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I'll add: Did you actually view the titles you found? I'm wondering if they were just leading to the woman in the video masturbating herself and was 'supposedly' caught by her step brother/father etc. Lots of women just view porn depicting the 'star' mastubating because they enjoy the visual. Its a type of voyeurism of sorts.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    I can say because I am. My spouse of of decades views porn in his private time. It doesn't bother me because he doesn't neglect me to do it. I THINK I would be a little weirded out if he was watching incest porn but it would because I would be worried that he had been abused and had unprocessed, negative thoughts about it. I do know him long enough to know that what he does watch doesn't affect him (or me) negatively in any way.
    I wish I had the same thought pattern
    I guess it’s each person to their own thoughts.

    I’m really trying to understand/get on board with it that it’s okay.

    I also forgot to mention the was lesbian videos Watched as well... now I have nothing against gay people AT ALL. But I’m sure you can understand why my mind started to wander

  4. #34
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Seanq
    It’s still very early days but for the sake of my relationship I am going to try and let it go.
    I feel very low in myself currently as I’m now anxious that I have control issues.

    When I believe that I don’t.
    I just think it’s weird the my fiancé is getting off to porn. It’s as simple as that

    Everyone who has commented
    Can you 100% say you would be ok with this?
    Yes, I can say 100% that I am fine with it because I am. There is a proviso in that our sex life has to be rocking fab, but outside of that what he does in private is not something I seek to monitor or control. At the end of the day, it's another person's private thing and fantasy world.

    I think the big issue for you is that you are seeing porn as real where most people don't. Porn is about as real as watching a movie. Sure, actors are real live people but the whole thing is just fantasy world, aka not actually real. If you can wrap your mind around that, it might help to move forward.

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  6. #35
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    I watch porn and my girlfriend knows - it came up pretty early. She doesn't really care what I do on my own time, as long as I'm not addicted.

    I don't for the life of me know why, but a lot of people are into the incest videos on porn. It's not that weird of a thing to be into. On one of the most well known porn sites even with no viewing history that genre appears often in the featured section.

    Porn is not real life. It's exaggerated. We don't watch violent action movies because we like violent action. We watch them because they are fun to watch and get adrenaline flowing. Sometimes the taboos can make it more exciting for people, and porn is all about pure excitement. That's different from sex which is about mutual sharing, enjoyment, and connection.

    The genre I gravitate to most is group... which, ew, I wouldn't want to go near in real life.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Porn is just an escape and a safe way to enjoy your fantasies. IMO what goes on in ones head is no ones business. She's deserves her privacy. If you feel your sex life has suffered, then that's when it is a problem and should be discussed.

  8. #37
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    It’s blowing my mind how “cool and calm” everyone is with this.
    I respect every single post that everyone has typed I really do and I’m really trying to be rational about it.

    I do understand what you have just said about the action movies,

    I understand it’s not real life I do, it’s fantasy.

    I think I may stop posting as it’s not making me feel any better
    Again, thank you for all you comments time and opinions.
    I will beat this

  9. #38
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by saluk
    I watch porn and my girlfriend knows - it came up pretty early. She doesn't really care what I do on my own time, as long as I'm not addicted.

    I don't for the life of me know why, but a lot of people are into the incest videos on porn. It's not that weird of a thing to be into. On one of the most well known porn sites even with no viewing history that genre appears often in the featured section.

    Porn is not real life. It's exaggerated. We don't watch violent action movies because we like violent action. We watch them because they are fun to watch and get adrenaline flowing. Sometimes the taboos can make it more exciting for people, and porn is all about pure excitement. That's different from sex which is about mutual sharing, enjoyment, and connection.

    The genre I gravitate to most is group... which, ew, I wouldn't want to go near in real life.
    I could not have put this better, well said!

    I’m okay that both my girlfriend and I watch porn.

    Seanq you seem like a nice guy. A thoughtful guy. I certainly didn’t mean to make accusations against your character or anything, bud. It just seems like on this particular you may be trying to control your fiancé to be the way you think she should be. You want her to feel how she “should” feel about porn.

    You get MAD kudos from me for not being defensive and for having an open mind about how you look at the situation. You may not end up changing your mind and that would be fine - but the willingness to consider it from another perspective (or several as the case may be here) is laudable.

    Good luck to both you and your fiancé - I sincerely hope this becomes an opportunity for love to grow and strengthen in your relationship.

  10. #39
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Seanq
    I wish I had the same thought pattern
    I guess it’s each person to their own thoughts.

    I’m really trying to understand/get on board with it that it’s okay.

    I also forgot to mention the was lesbian videos Watched as well... now I have nothing against gay people AT ALL. But I’m sure you can understand why my mind started to wander
    Did you see where I posted this:
    I'll add: Did you actually view the titles you found? I'm wondering if they were just leading to the woman in the video masturbating herself and was 'supposedly' caught by her step brother/father etc. Lots of women just view porn depicting the 'star' mastubating because they enjoy the visual. Its a type of voyeurism of sorts.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    OP...if you are still around....how much of this porn thing really a red herring for a bigger issue which is your sex life. You mentioned that you only have sex twice a week but that your libido is such that you could be going at it twice per day. So is it really about porn or is this more that you found out that she is getting off in private way more than you knew while you are basically putting up with lesser sex life than you'd like? Sounds like some of this is really resentment cloaked as an issue with porn.

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