Ex has a new (lady) friend / I feel jealous

My ex and I broke up (LDR) less than 3 months ago and I went complete NC as soon as he broke up with me. After the first month of our break up he started calling. It then progresses to him calling, texting and emailing me for the next 2 months. Now, we are back talking again and we’re both confused of what’s the next course of action.

He then said that recently he met this girl online (from another country) and they started talking about stuff however things are very platonic and he wouldn’t think of her in any other way that being a frend. I admitted that I am hurt because I am his ex and we recently broke up and of course I won’t be too elated for this fact.

I know that what I feel is quite normal especially if it’s a recent BU. I decided to lie low again and stop contacting him just so I can think things through.

Give me some insights what’s the best course of action for this. Appreciate it!

To clarify, why did you two break up? How far apart are you, and how often did you meet in person?

You seem to be realizing now why staying friends so soon after a break-up is not a good idea. He can't guarantee that this online friend won't turn into something more, and I have a feeling he wouldn't have mentioned her at all if were just some random chat buddy. It wouldn't have warranted a mention, if you see what I mean. The same goes for any other woman he might happen to meet now.

You are smart to step back now. Unless you two are both actively working towards reconciliation, you need ample time and (virtual) space away from each other.

We dated locally for 18 months before he moved to another country for work. We had an awful last day together (He thought I was flirting with his friend which is untrue) which he canÂ’t seem to let go plus all other complications we had in our relationship.

I told him initially that I canÂ’t and wonÂ’t be his friend as I still have feelings for him. He canÂ’t fully decide whether he wants us to get back together since we both decided that we want to see each other again (Hopefully in June) so we can sort things out face to face.

Though I appreciate the fact that he told about this “pen pal” but I can’t seem to shake off the jealousy even if this lady is not based from his current location.

Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating? What was the breakup about?

Why is he telling you this? It seems like he wants you to move on. The more you hang on trying to negotiate and renegotiate a reconciliation, the more this will hurt you. Especially now that he is starting to tell you about his interest in others.

He then said that recently he met this girl online (from another country) and they started talking about stuff

We dated locally for 18 months before he moved to another country for work. We had an awful last day together (He thought I was flirting with his friend which is untrue) which he canÂ’t seem to let go plus all other complications we had in our relationship.

Which other complications?

And did he just come out and tell you about this new penpal, or did you ask if he was talking to anyone else?

IMO, someone who lets you go so easily instead of communicating properly and working on issues together doesn't really love you. Every couple argues, but when they each care, they attempt to resolve issues so that they can continue to build a beautiful life together.

He obviously didn't care enough to continue on with you and have a LDR until you two could close the distance. And then likely conjured this issue where he blamed you for flirting with someone else, so that he didn't have to admit that he's just not that into you.

On again, off again relationships never work out. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. If you got back together, once the newness wore off, he'd start up with another argument and blame you for something that would warrant another breakup. And if a person blames you for a crime you haven't committed, why would you put up with that BS?

A person who is crazy about you will never free you to be with someone else. Stop being his plaything, like you're a toy the cat bats around. He likes having you as a fan. That's it!

Delete him from all of your contacts. You need closure. It's not wise to stay contact as friends, because you can't move on, plus a new guy in your life will walk away if you keep communication with an ex. I know I would've stopped dating someone if that was happening.

The right guy will never leave you. Not even once. But it's your responsibility to emotionally free yourself first before finding him.

Let me just fangirl a bit. Wiseman actually replied on my thread. 😍

Anyway, we dated for 18 months. Broke up almost 3 months ago. We did certain things to each other which resulted to us not trusting the other person too well.

Told him before I want us to fix things but certainly not to go back with our old rather start with a new one. He’s a bit hesitant and told me everything is really up to me.

I asked him then he told me about it. I told him it’s good that you have someone that you get to talk to rn. Though I won’t say I’m happy since I’m still emotional. I’ve been honest with him from the get go.

So, did you break up just after he moved? I am just verifying I've got the timeline correct.

Is it more or less a permanent move for him, or?

He moved for work purposes.

And yes after 2 months when he moved.

Is he planning to stay there permanently?

No, I don’t have think so.

It sounds like his own future is too uncertain to try to re-ignite anything, if you don't really know how long he's planning to stay abroad.

You mentioned there were other problems in the relationship before he broke up with you. Can you elaborate on those, and also on why he thought you were flirting with his friend?

He's your ex. It's best to let him know it's over for real so ghost, block and delete him permanently unless you wish to remain "just friends" with him.

If you're uncomfortable with his new life and whom he interacts with, get rid of him from your life by telling him it's time to go your separate ways permanently.

I told him that I wasn’t comfortable about it and I can’t HELP IT feel but be jealous. He then ended up deleting this person from his social media account since that’s where they communicate.

I’m still confused if he’s 100% sure with reconciling. I mean we have plans of meeting soon but due to the current situation (globally) that we’re facing then we have to wait for things to get better before we can make concrete plans.

You mentioned there were other problems in the relationship before he broke up with you. Can you elaborate on those, and also on why he thought you were flirting with his friend?

Quoting myself here because I think these questions were missed.

OP, your responses here could be helpful in giving us the bigger picture of your relationship and what lead to the break-up.