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Thread: Fourth date, Kissed her, but still rarely initiate contact

  1. #1
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    Fourth date, Kissed her, but still rarely initiate contact

    I went out with this girl 4 times already,kissed her on the third date.She is the type of girl who doesn't text much, she would reach out to me only if I hadn't talk to her for more than 2 days. When we went out together she is very talkative and want to know everythings about me, I tend to touch her thigh or put my arm around her shoulder and she didn't resist either. Yesterday I went out with her again, It all went great, although she resisted the first time, but I finally kissed her again last night during my second try, but she still hasn't initiate contact, all of our four dates were me who initiated first.
    My instinct tells me that she is withholding her feeling, trying to be in control of the relationship, She gave me a feeling that she is kind of passive when I make an advance, shall I initiate contact again and ask her out? or wait for her to initiate first?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You seem to be going by some type of rule book regarding what happens on which date, 'touch barriers' how much she is supposed to text, how much she is supposed to initiate, etc.

    All these rules, regulations, measurements, tests, etc. seem to make this excessively frustrating and complicated. Very exhausting. It's really as simple as if you like her keep communicating and seeing each other. If not, stop. What is it you are testing her for or gauging here? Sounds more like a game than a date.
    Originally Posted by dio9366
    -she would reach out to me only if I hadn't talk to her for more than 2 days.
    -I tend to touch her thigh or put my arm around her shoulder and she didn't resist either.
    -I finally kissed her again last night during my second try
    -but she still hasn't initiate contact, all of our four dates were me who initiated first.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You seem to be going by some type of rule book regarding what happens on which date, 'touch barriers' how much she is supposed to text, how much she is supposed to initiate, etc.

    All these rules, regulations, measurements, tests, etc. seem to make this excessively frustrating and complicated. Very exhausting. It's really as simple as if you like her keep communicating and seeing each other. If not, stop. What is it you are testing her for or gauging here? Sounds more like a game than a date.
    I didn't test her, she is just quite different than any other girls I have dated before, she wouldn't initiate contact, but when you ask her out she is very eager going out with you and make a date right on the spot, however when we go out she seems to be kinda reserve, makes me feel like she is playing game with me, or cautious evaluating me.

    Do you think I should make a date now or wait a couple of days?

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    I wouldn't assume she is playing a game with you. She just sounds little shy or cautious at this point. It's only been four dates so it's not unreasonable that she might still be evaluating her own feelings about it. A lot women prefer to let the man lead early on, so that may be all that's happening here.

    She could also be anxious about Covid-19, too, and not wanting to get too close right now.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Focus on this, not what other girls did or didn't do.
    Originally Posted by dio9366
    she is just quite different than any other girls I have dated before
    when you ask her out she is very eager going out with you and make a date right on the spot

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    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    She's one of those that expects the man to take the lead. It's kinda old fashioned but yup you have to be the one to do all the initiating. Women like that want to know they have value with you and being too eager or giving it up too fast devalues them. That's how they think.

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    After four dates, I'd too be annoyed if I was the one always having to suggest plans. And usually the one suggesting the date is who pays for it, unless a discussion happens about going dutch or that the other person decides it's their turn to treat. It's okay to communicate about the issue. Otherwise, you might assume something incorrectly, or your bottled up frustrations will come out in irritation or anger.

    I might say, on a phone call, instead of a text that can lack the right tone: So I've been the one suggesting our first four dates. It'd be nice, if you're still interested in dating, if you come up with something fun to do and be next to do the inviting.

    To me, that's a reasonable request. If she balked at that, she's not the right match for you. That's also the case if she doesn't start opening herself to you gradually. Because if she has guards up, and emotional baggage, that's her issue to deal with before starting a romance.

    It's not fun to find someone attractive and interesting, yet the comfort level is missing. I've been there. But then because those dating situations didn't pan out, it freed me to find my future husband. We were really comfortable with each from date one.

    A square peg can't fit into a round hole. It doesn't mean either is faulty. It just means they need to find their appropriate fit.

    Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Isn't this the third thread you've started about this same topic?

    Are you getting bad advice, hence the reposting (twice)?

    She's great in person but doesn't like to text. So what? Back in the day (not too long ago) texting didn't exist and we all survived.

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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    After four dates, I'd too be annoyed if I was the one always having to suggest plans. And usually the one suggesting the date is who pays for it, unless a discussion happens about going dutch or that the other person decides it's their turn to treat. It's okay to communicate about the issue. Otherwise, you might assume something incorrectly, or your bottled up frustrations will come out in irritation or anger.

    I might say, on a phone call, instead of a text that can lack the right tone: So I've been the one suggesting our first four dates. It'd be nice, if you're still interested in dating, if you come up with something fun to do and be next to do the inviting.

    To me, that's a reasonable request. If she balked at that, she's not the right match for you. That's also the case if she doesn't start opening herself to you gradually. Because if she has guards up, and emotional baggage, that's her issue to deal with before starting a romance.

    It's not fun to find someone attractive and interesting, yet the comfort level is missing. I've been there. But then because those dating situations didn't pan out, it freed me to find my future husband. We were really comfortable with each from date one.

    A square peg can't fit into a round hole. It doesn't mean either is faulty. It just means they need to find their appropriate fit.

    Good luck and let us know how it goes.
    It's also very interesting that she would reciprocate on paying, it's normally I pay for dinner and she pays for drinks or vice versa, and I mention could you help me trimming my eyebrow,
    Then last time we went out she did voluntarily do that for me. When the dates end and we resume our personal life, it;s been one and half day we haven't talk to each other.

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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    She's one of those that expects the man to take the lead. It's kinda old fashioned but yup you have to be the one to do all the initiating. Women like that want to know they have value with you and being too eager or giving it up too fast devalues them. That's how they think.
    So to them, what do they think about guys who ask her out often and fast versus guys who is patient and wait a couple of days before ask her out?

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