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Thread: has my friend moved on?

  1. #1
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    has my friend moved on?

    We used to be tight but since the boyfriend she has had a 1 year relationship with they have had things have completly fallen off for me and her. Texting takes a day now to text me back even though I don't text her very often like once or twice a month, she keeps denying our phone calls and she only wants to hang out once a year now. I've talked to her about this and she understands my frusteration and doesn't like friends getting hurt because her lack of contact, she doesn't like this happening and says it's not my fault and she totally gets it, but I just want my friend back and I am not ready to let this just go right now. I am introverted so I have a hard enough time making friends. She is at home right now taking time off work due to this global virus but still said no to talking on the phone. When we talk it seems normal between us.

    How do I resolve this? I don't really get friends so I don't know what I am supposed to do in these situations.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    How old are you two? I suspect you are young. When a girl gets a boyfriend she often stops communicating with her old friends, the boy takes up most of her time. It's not right nor healthy, but it is the way it is a lot of the time. Is this her first boyfriend? Perhaps the novelty hasnt worn off yet.

    Dont spend your time moping about her, start doing things for yourself. Join a club or group that interests you. Volunteer somewhere. Expand your life and ultimately your social circle.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You can't resolve this. I behaved the same way as your friend when I met my husband and then I became even more consumed with my own life when I became a mother. Many of my former friends fell by the wayside because I was either too busy having a good time with my new life and / or too tired and / or not enough time and energy for friends anymore. My world had changed. I began socializing with my husband's set of friends and likewise, my friends were busy with their new lives too whether it was with careers, boyfriends, husbands, etc.

    Your friend is right. It's not your fault. We're not the same anymore once a boyfriend or husband enters the picture. Friends drift apart as lives evolve and go in different directions which is universal. It's the natural course of life. I'm even this way with extended relatives and certain family members. I'm not interested in my former relationships or friendships anymore.

    I've only kept several friends in my life including a BFF from 4th grade elementary school and fortunately, we've always remained local and never moved away. Keep in mind, there were gap years when my BFF was extremely busy with her marriage, family and career and in turn likewise for me. We came full circle and finally have more time for each other nowadays as opposed to the past when we simply didn't have time with our frenetically paced schedules.

    Even though you're introverted, try to make friends virtually at first and when COVID-19 pandemic is over, you can venture out and meet new friends in person. Sports? Hobbies? Intellectual pursuits?

    Don't focus on your friend. She has moved on with her new life as should you. I was your friend long ago when my husband was my whole life and he still is. The only difference is now, I can afford to have more time to socialize and even then I still prefer to spend the majority of my time with my husband.

    You'll have to accept this new arrangement even though you may not like it. It's life.

  4. #4
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    So what do I say to her? I try my best to be honest, I even have to write things down on paper so I remember what I want to say. I am really sad I have to lose my only friend and face a global pandemic all in the same year a few months into it.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    If you can be cool and give her the space she wants, than you will possibly remain someone she calls on in times of need.

    If you canít be cool then you will push her to completely sever the remaining strand of connection you still have.

    It sounds like youíre feeling lonely and that sucks, but I hope it pushes you to grow and find a deeper level of self love and confidence.

    Best wishes!

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You don't say anything to her except accept her choice to let the friendship fizzle over time. It happens. She's losing enthusiasm for friendship because she prefers her new life as it's transforming. I went though the same thing as your friend and for a time, certain of my friendships drifted apart for the same reason.

    I hope you'll crawl out of your shell and make new friends. You have to start somewhere otherwise you'll be lonely.

  8. #7
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    Alright thanks everyone, hope you're all safe and healthy in these bad times we will eventually get through.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by w1zard
    she doesn't like this happening and says it's not my fault and she totally gets it, but I just want my friend back and I am not ready to let this just go right now. I am introverted so I have a hard enough time making friends. She is at home right now taking time off work due to this global virus but still said no to talking on the phone. When we talk it seems normal between us.
    There is no need to talk to her about it again, as it seems you've already voiced your concerns to her.

    Unfortunately, we can't resolve issues like this on our own. The other party needs to want to meet you halfway, and that's not happening here. It hurts, I know, but it might be time to quietly part ways.

    You said you don't really get friends. Is there nobody else you socialize with? If so, I would start looking at ways to build up your own social circle. The void left behind by absent friends won't sting quite as much when you've got others in your lives who do make time for you.

  10. #9
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    I think you are dramatising the situation?
    Your friend has been in a relationship for one year and you say she only wants to hang out with you once a year???
    That does not make sense.
    Sounds to me like you were not that tight!?
    If this was someone you hung out with daily or weekly prior to meeting this guy , then sure , she is a bad friend and never cared for your friendship anyway? So why would you??

    How long have you known her and how often did you physically catch up with prior to meeting this guy?
    Iím guessing not that often.
    If Iím wrong then she used you?

    Why do you desire to be friends with someone who just isnít a friend?

  11. #10
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    I'm just going to take her hint and piss off, I would see her once a month either to visit her at her work or do something. We used to be tight, she would be sad when we did not talk on the phone and be excited when we did, told me we are always going to be together and other stuff and we were close when we sat next to eachother talking about our lives. Maybe she liked me more then a friend I dunno, but I was just happy to have a friend because my social isolation makes me depressed. Hope I find other friends 1 day.

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