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Thread: Questions For Woman - Confused Man Looking For Insight

  1. #11
    Gold Member waffle's Avatar
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    I think men would do better to focus a lot less on what they can do to get the results they want, and a lot more on being the man she wants/needs. Most women are going to see through the fake actions i.e. helping with the dishes only when they want to get laid, instead just be the man who does those kinds of things without expecting something in return.

    It's not what you do, it's who you are.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You need to exercise tact as opposed to being perceived as a sex fiend to her. Try acting graciously and gentlemanly habitually throughout the day which will go a long way compared to being crass. She's looking at you with great disdain because yes, whenever you act as if you're obsessed with sex, naturally you turn her OFF. When you joke around about sex, you sound as if you're hounding her which she finds uncouth.

    Practice being naturally kind otherwise she'll think that you need to get your head out of the gutter. Be pleasant and nicer naturally without your fixation on sex. Then she'll be more receptive to you because she doesn't feel pressured to have sex with you. Behave yourself. Show class as a man and as her husband.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by waffle
    I think men would do better to focus a lot less on what they can do to get the results they want, and a lot more on being the man she wants/needs. Most women are going to see through the fake actions i.e. helping with the dishes only when they want to get laid, instead just be the man who does those kinds of things without expecting something in return.

    It's not what you do, it's who you are.
    Yes! Credit your partner for an ability to see through manipulation to get what you want, and skip that idea. Most likely, she wants someone who she can trust with her heart, not someone who's running an agenda.

    Consider that every time you make a juvenile sex joke, you demo that you're dismissive of the kind of intimacy that could help to build her trust.

    Unless you're willing to build that kind of respectful trust into your everyday life, you're not going to magically lead her to believe that she can ever have it with you in your bedroom.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MrAdversity
    So I get the constant joking about sex stuff, however some other questions .

    1. If you had to say whats the one thing that turns you on about your man that makes you melt what would it be ...something that can be done at anytime
    2. Also if you ever had a major fight or disagreement what did you husband do or say to help you take down your wall during that time? What helped to bring things back to normalcy

    3. And one random question - if you lived in a house with not enough space for your family to grow, and seem to live in homes that follow that theme in the past and it becomes a crux of making things unhappy what would you do ? Find another home that suited everyone better within your budget, become a landlord and rent and use that towards another home, (unfortunately trying to make it work isn't an option) space constraint and not building more rooms ..
    We are talking no privacy on any end from the neighborhood to the space/bedrooms etc . We are known to move a lot so far because of this , and even to a new state ...
    1) There is no such thing. You are thinking in terms of how you can manipulate your wife into having sex, which is dehumanizing to her and thus her comment about not feeling like she is wanted. You are treating her like an appliance not like a person and basically wanting what you want, when you want it, without really looking at what SHE wants and how. You may not mean to act like that, but that's what's happening. It's not strangers online that you should be asking this question - it's your wife. What does she need to feel wanted or turned on or sexual? Only she can answer that and again, it's never just one thing for all occasions. If you asked my SO what turns me on, he'd rattle off a dozen things just off the top of his head, as would I for him. To do that, you have step out of yourself and pay attention more to the other person and their needs, their humanity, what they want and enjoy. Long winded way of saying be less self centered and pay more attention to the needs of others.

    2) A very sincere "I'm sorry I was an azz" goes a really long way to start the conversation on how to bridge things and patch up.

    3) What's the point of moving if you keep repeating the same problem - not enough space? Find a bigger place within your budget and that's that. If your marriage is already strained, then the last thing you want is to add roommates to the household which will add more tensions and strain things even more. Make it a priority to find the right amount of space you can both be comfortable with and reduce that stress today.

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