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Thread: Her love letters weren't hers...

  1. #1
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    Her love letters weren't hers...

    Ok, you guys. Short backstory: Met a girl while she was vacationing in my country, she had just broken up with her bf that day, but we hit it off, she was overly affectionate with me, and within 5 days I told her I loved her. We said we were one another's soul mates, we would post love letters back and forth to one another, and things like that. She ended up coming back to my country 4 months later to spend time with me. We had a blast! We have an 18 year age difference between us, she is 30. None of her accounts online are suspicious in any way and she is very much a real person (the first time she was here I met her family members who she was traveling with, and they all have online accounts connected to hers). I posted about the full story in another thread if you are curious to read it.

    One letter in particular she sent me was very moving, it was about 60 words long, and professed her love for me, and how we are soul mates; I was the first one to introduce this idea into our relationship and I thought she felt the same. This was one of the letters that I really felt showed how deeply she loved me. But a couple of days ago, I found that exact letter, word for word, on a mildly "internet-famous" person's social media account. It was a love letter that person had written for their partner! My gf had copied and pasted it to me as if she wrote it especially for me. I've spent the last couple of days under the weather upon finding this out.

    I don't know what to do at this point. When I first read it I knew for sure I must break up with her, and I felt betrayed. I felt I was really a rebound and she was just posting me whatever nonsense she could find to keep me hooked, filling her voids with my affection and a fantasy of romance, using someone else's words to tell me what she thought I wanted to hear. But after some days have passed, I feel like maybe she had read that and thought of me and it was the most accurate way for her to express her feelings for me, and so she sent me it. Kind of like how a greeting card already has the sentiment inside? Or, that she just didn't know how to express her feelings perfectly in that way so borrowed it from somewhere else. She had posted it in response to a social media post I made for her for our 2nd month anniversary.

    As of now, I am still active in the relationship because I am not sure of what really is going on here, she sends me text messages throughout the day about how much she misses me and wishes she could be here with me so I lean towards this not being sinister in nature BUT there's still the very real fact in my mind that she told her ex she wanted to try again in the future, which naturally sheds some doubt on her believing we are "soul mates." Though, we have begun tagging any social media posts regarding us as "soulmates." I am split between 3 things. (1) Cutting contact, unlikely (2) Being present but understanding she may ghost me at any time, probable (3) Realizing that maybe she was confused the first couple of months due to her breakup and made some choices that could appear bad, but actually represented her deep feelings for me. Most likely

    One thing that consistently goes through my mind is the possibility that even if in the beginning I was a rebound, or she was over-exaggerating to fill a void, she very well may now be falling for me in spite of earlier poor choices. I now understand we moved very fast, and maybe she just did not have a handle on it, but people can fall in love over time. If I just assume she is using me and I break up with her, I will miss out on a budding relationship.

    What do you think? Getting Ready for a First Date
    Last edited by MaybeThen; 12-12-2019 at 06:05 PM.

  2. #2
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    I had to roll my eyes at the five days proclaiming love statement. This is all fantasy driven BS.

    She was rebounding and this wasn't real.

  3. #3
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    Well the last thread you made that was removed straight away was you telling the forum that they were all right and she was just scamming you and all the things she SAID you have found on the internet and she was basically just saying it all parrot fashion ......now it is letters ! hmmm

  4. #4
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    Anyone who dates the day they broke up is a rebound. Maybe in a rare case it doesn't STAY just a rebound, but you can't call the start anything but that.

    The entire idea of soulmates, falling in love quickly, and a social media based romance, is juvenile stuff. From her and from you. It's not based in the real world, and eventually, you have to come down to earth. The whole idea of who this woman is to you is just a story in your head that you've been telling herself, loosely based on the stories that she was presenting which also were not based in fact.

    "she was over-exaggerating to fill a void"

    You won't believe me because of the loss that you are feeling. There is a concept in psychology called loss aversion. We are more likely to cling to a bad thing we are scared to lose than go looking for a good thing to gain. But the truth of the matter is that YOU were also over-exaggerating your feelings to fill the void in your own life. When you are alone for a long time, and a chance comes along that smells like the real thing, of course you are going to jump into it and do everything you can to puff it up and make it seem like your life has finally turned a major corner. I've been there. You won't be able to see it for a long while, but there will come a time you look back on this encounter and realize that, while you may have turned a corner, the relationship you had wasn't really all that.

    It was the idealized nonsense you needed at the time to shake up your status quo.

    Take a look at your reaction to finding out the letter was faked. 1. "Such betrayal, I need to break up!" 2. "But wait, maybe she just meant these things but couldn't tell me them herself?" 3. "Yes, that MUST be it. She actually has really deep feelings for me that even she can't understand or express!"

    You saw the reality, and then you talked yourself into the fantasy again. Because of your fear of letting go. Because before her you were alone. And if you let this go, you will be alone again. And maybe, you'll never find another.

    Your option 1 of cutting contact is the only way to get out of this tug of war you are having between your dreams and your reality.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by pippy longstocking
    Well the last thread you made that was removed straight away was you telling the forum that they were all right and she was just scamming you and all the things she SAID you have found on the internet and she was basically just saying it all parrot fashion ......now it is letters ! hmmm
    First of all, that thread was posted when my emotions were extremely high, the very MOMENT I found the letter, I never said "all the things she said I found on the internet." That's ridiculous, we had many conversations in real time, on the phone, face time, text, you name it. It was a letter that I found, and yes, in the MOMENT, I felt scammed. But now I am cooled down and I feel it was completely unfair of me to use the word "scam" and now after reflecting, I feel differently about the situation.

    I've already spoken to a moderator about the thread you referenced - Please don't try to invent conspiracy theories around my situation because I am genuinely asking for advice. It was removed because it was a continuation of the old thread that was locked for a couple of reasons. They said I could post a follow up here regarding a potential breakup.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by saluk
    But the truth of the matter is that YOU were also over-exaggerating your feelings to fill the void in your own life. When you are alone for a long time, and a chance comes along that smells like the real thing, of course you are going to jump into it and do everything you can to puff it up and make it seem like your life has finally turned a major corner.
    I can't argue with this. I've been alone for over 10 years, and when she came to me I did everything to cement her to me. I won't say that I didn't. The early "I love yous," and telling her we are soul mates, and eventually saying I wanted to spend my life with her. I did do all of those things out of a fear of losing her because I knew it was too good to be true; but I also let myself believe everything and it's hard to cope with the fact that maybe she cares so little about me that she had to copy and paste someone else's reality to me.

    I think somewhere I know this has to end and I have to cut it off, but I struggle with the idea that yes it was a rebound, but maybe she's falling in love with me. And if I truly cut it off, then I will miss out on that slight chance.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by MaybeThen
    First of all, that thread was posted when my emotions were extremely high, the very MOMENT I found the letter, I never said "all the things she said I found on the internet." That's ridiculous, we had many conversations in real time, on the phone, face time, text, you name it. It was a letter that I found, and yes, in the MOMENT, I felt scammed. But now I am cooled down and I feel it was completely unfair of me to use the word "scam" and now after reflecting, I feel differently about the situation.

    I've already spoken to a moderator about the thread you referenced - Please don't try to invent conspiracy theories around my situation because I am genuinely asking for advice. It was removed because it was a continuation of the old thread that was locked for a couple of reasons. They said I could post a follow up here regarding a potential breakup.
    You wrote that everyone had been right ( I wasn't part of the first thread ) and all the lines she used you had then read on the internet ....no conspiracy theories I think that's a bit too deep ...simply saying what you wrote before you have just back tracked . Makes no odds to me mate ..hope you get the advice you need.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by pippy longstocking
    You wrote that everyone had been right ( I wasn't part of the first thread ) and all the lines she used you had then read on the internet ....no conspiracy theories I think that's a bit too deep ...simply saying what you wrote before you have just back tracked . Makes no odds to me mate ..hope you get the advice you need.
    I donít know exactly what I said, I was fuming mad at the time. Please keep the thread on track. Thanks!

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by MaybeThen
    I donít know exactly what I said, I was fuming mad at the time. Please keep the thread on track. Thanks!
    I will be leaving your thread to you and the others ....my mind is on the UK right now ...as said , hope you get what you need.

  11. #10
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    You get defensive really easily...Perhaps work on that.

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