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Thread: Knowing when to let go

  1. #1

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    Knowing when to let go

    How many times can you talk to someone about the same issues and be ignored? How long can you wait? I find myself alone during all of this going on in the world and I shouldn't be after being in a relationship for over 3 years. I just feel so alone in it all. Do I hang in through this or just let go?

    Thanks for reading.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    The art of taking things as they come and letting go of them as they leave can be a challenging one... Sorry you’re feeling frustrated and alone, that sucks! Can you share some examples or details of what you’re experiencing?

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by caligrl
    How many times can you talk to someone about the same issues and be ignored?
    I think the answer is "However long you allow it to happen." If the other person is fully aware that you are unhappy with an aspect of your relationship that is under their control and yet they choose to do nothing about it, then it's for you to make the decision that you are worth better and leave. This person clearly isn't interested and, if you're feeling alone despite being with them, is taking you for granted or using you as a convenience. I was in your shoes, getting no emotional support or improvement in behaviour from my partner of 3 years. The longer I tolerated it the more depressed I became and the less I recognised myself. One day I just had enough and told my partner I wasn't doing it anymore. He made no real effort to make changes or ask me to reconsider, which told me I'd done the right thing for myself.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What do you mean by "be ignored"? Not responding to texts? Not addressing concerns? If you feel alone in the relationship, you are wasting your time with him. Why are you hanging on?
    Originally Posted by caligrl
    How many times can you talk to someone about the same issues and be ignored?

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  6. #5
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    Depends on how serious the issues are, if there are problems that cannot be resolved then you have to move on. A successful relationship requires sacrifices, a person needs to change and if you don't want to change then you'll be forced to change your partner which just means, you'll end up in the same situation again with someone else instead.

  7. #6

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    Originally Posted by Skeptic76
    The art of taking things as they come and letting go of them as they leave can be a challenging one... Sorry you’re feeling frustrated and alone, that sucks! Can you share some examples or details of what you’re experiencing?
    Thanks for the reply. The short version:

    Been dating a guy for over 3 years, but we do not live together. He isn't the best communicator and it's taken a toll on our relationship. I usually get the "gm babe" text every morning, we text off & on throughout the day, we text at night, he calls while driving, etc. However, when something is going on with him, he shuts down. This could be something as little as him being irritated or as big as a parent being ill. He will just stop responding to me. I've brought it up many times and each time he says he is working on it.

    In person we are great, we get along, laugh, he is kind, loving, etc. I see him 1-2 times per week, usually once. He has his own business, so he has a busy yet flexible schedule. Mine is somewhat flexible, but I don't work for myself.

    We recently were at a crossroads where I told him it just wasn't working for me anymore, that I want more. He did not want to end it, we agreed to try. He was great afterwards and kept his word. Well, that was a few weeks ago. Now all of this is going on with CV & I feel he's already going back to his old ways. Yesterday he said he was "trapped at home". We aren't on lockdown, but have a "stay at home" order & aren't supposed to gather in large groups. Not only do I think it's an excuse, but he also barely texted & quit responding around 6pm.

  8. #7

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    Thanks for the reply. This is the point I was at a couple of weeks ago, before this whole thing got so big. He was doing better. Also been over 3 years. I am torn between sticking out this whole CV thing to see if it wakes him up or just being done.

  9. #8

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    Thanks for the reply. I mean not making behavior changes and not responding to texts. I love him & it's been over 3 years is why I've been hanging on.

  10. #9

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    Thanks for the reply. I agree and I've made sacrifices and changes for the better of the relationship, but he keeps falling into the same patterns.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Tough feelings during a tough time.

    I think there comes a point where you have to ask if you can accept someone for who they are rather than who they might "wake up" to be, if that makes sense. I'm curious, looking back over the past three years, if these concerns (his lack of communication, his being "closed off," perhaps even him not being "committed" in a way that makes you feel secure) have been present throughout—just growing more acute as time goes by?

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