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Thread: I want the love of my life back. I want to go with him.

  1. #1
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    I want the love of my life back. I want to go with him.

    Hearing about his passing came as a shock to me. As I found out a couple of days ago through facebook was a huge blow. It feels like being hit by a ton of brick and my world came crashing down. We've may have had our differences but that never stopped me from loving him. We were making plans for our future. He may have been in denial of the way he felt about me we did talk about having kids together. He was the one. My everything. My soulmate the love of my life and he's not here. I wanted to build memories with him, have a future with him, build a life together. And all that came crashing down a couple of day's ago. I have never ever felt this angry. I'm furious. I had the right to know what he was going through. He left me in the dark not being able to say good bye to him.


    No one I mean no one can ever replace him. I'm not moving on without him in my life. I just want him to take me with him. I just want to be with him. I can't, I can't do this without him. I cant' talk to him, I can't text him, I can't see him, hold him, touch him, kiss him and tell him how much I love him. He was my everything. I can't even bring it to myself to even go to his grave site and not loose it. I don't want to see him like that. I had the right to know. Not read about it on social media. This wasn't the way I wanted to find out. I want my boyfriend back. I need him. I can't live without him. I want the love of my life back. I printed out a picture of him and started meditating and talking to him and releasing my anger on him. Screaming at him. Yelling at him on why he left me in the dark and that was cruel of him to do. I can't do this without him.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Sorry for your loss. Your post is full of pain and I see you*

    How did he die..?

    There are stages of grief and you will now start the journey through those. Please take care of your health. You will need it to survive this*

    Regards
    Carus*

  3. #3
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Ok breathe.

    I am so sorry, please try to keep things in perspective to keep yourself sane and even keeled and please please please if you are feeling suicidal see someone ASAP.

    What I mean by perspective is you mentioned this was the guy who was the workaholic. As much as you liked him you two broke up because you were deeply incompatible, you can care deeply for someone but recognize they arenít for you, and it appears thatís what happened here, to now refer to him as your boyfriend and love of your life, may be this event is triggering something deeper in you.

    To avoid a dangerous spiral I think it would be wise to speak to someone. Grief is a complex thing and doesnít always make sense and it can manifest itself in many ways, you are grieving something but is it what was?

    Iím so sorry again and I wish you luck through your journey, maybe consider journaling here, it has helped many people.

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    I have no idea. That's what hurts me the most not knowing what happened to him. If I had known that from before that he was sick or being in the hospital if he cared enough about me he would had rung me up saying something to me. Other than that this wasnt the way I wanted to find out. I had the right to know not reading it on some stupid social media. That is so not fair. I was in his life for a reason and both of us were falling hard for one another. He even told me he was falling for me. How can I get over something serious as this ?


    Originally Posted by Carus
    Sorry for your loss. Your post is full of pain and I see you*

    How did he die..?

    There are stages of grief and you will now start the journey through those. Please take care of your health. You will need it to survive this*

    Regards
    Carus*

  5.  

  6. #5
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    Yes this is the guy who was a workaholic. But we did still manage to date. We were together for 3 months. We never broke up. We may have had our differences but we managed to work through things. I didnt just like him I was in love with him.Yes, even after 3 months I've known from the beginning that he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with when you know you know. I think he was in love with me too because he did tell me he was falling for me as well. We were very much compatible. That it scared us both to it's very core. We both agreed that our connection was so intense and strong between the both us so you could imagine how scary it was for both of us. I think he was scared to get to close because he was burnt from a previous relationship.

    And he didnt know how to handle what it feels like to be in love or have someone care about him as much as I did. Because I showed him what real love feels like. I told him once that when you love someone you go out of your way for that person and do anything for them and I did in more than 1 occasion. So I did my part. And he told me he never had that with anyone else. I showed him how it feels like to be cared for. Yes, he had a busy life but we managed to work around things. He talked about having a future with me, I caught him once while we were having a conversation that he sees children in our future and how we would meet each others families. I know for a fact that he loved me as much as I loved him.

    We were both scared by this level of intensity we had we both didnt know how to handle it. When we made love for the first time we connected even more. It was that amazing. And now I learn the man I was set to have a future with, make memories with, have a life with, grow old with is gone not knowing what happened. Was not informed one bit as to what he was going through. At least tell him goodbye. This is the way he leaves me.

    I honestly was not expecting this one bit. So I printed out his picture meditating and really let him have it by screaming and yelling at him. Saying that I hope he sees the anger, hurt, pain that he's putting me through not knowing what the hell went wrong not even a goodbye. So yes he was my boyfriend we were together. We were planning on having a future. So you could imagine the amount of anger and pain I have.

    I told him not to overdo it, I told him take it easy, I told him to stop worrying about everyone and take care of himself. He was so stubborn I'm sure his body shut down. And now look where he is now. Was it all worth it to put his family and me through this.




    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Ok breathe.

    I am so sorry, please try to keep things in perspective to keep yourself sane and even keeled and please please please if you are feeling suicidal see someone ASAP.

    What I mean by perspective is you mentioned this was the guy who was the workaholic. As much as you liked him you two broke up because you were deeply incompatible, you can care deeply for someone but recognize they arenít for you, and it appears thatís what happened here, to now refer to him as your boyfriend and love of your life, may be this event is triggering something deeper in you.

    To avoid a dangerous spiral I think it would be wise to speak to someone. Grief is a complex thing and doesnít always make sense and it can manifest itself in many ways, you are grieving something but is it what was?

    Iím so sorry again and I wish you luck through your journey, maybe consider journaling here, it has helped many people.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He did not die to specifically hurt you or to "put you through this". It sounds like you are redirecting a lot of general rage and depression at him. You are mourning a future that was never there. How long were you broken up when you found out on fb that he died?
    Originally Posted by coolgirl
    We were together for 3 months. Was it all worth it to put his family and me through this.

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    We never die, we leave our bodies behind but the energy inside, some call it souls do not cease to exist. Now, he lives in your memory so keep him alive there as your life will take on a new journey.

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    We were never broken up. Why, would you say something like this. We were,planning for a,future together. I don't want to hear your cruel comments Wiseman I dont need this. All I know is that as much as I loved him he loved me too. I know he did.
    .


    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    He did not die to specifically hurt you or to "put you through this". It sounds like you are redirecting a lot of general rage and depression at him. You are mourning a future that was never there. How long were you broken up when you found out on fb that he died?

  10. #9
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    I dont want a new journey. No one I mean no one can ever replace him. I'm not moving on without him.





    Originally Posted by TrutHurts
    We never die, we leave our bodies behind but the energy inside, some call it souls do not cease to exist. Now, he lives in your memory so keep him alive there as your life will take on a new journey.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    *snipped*
    Coolgirl Was this a long distance relationship? How did he die?
    From your other thread:
    I just learned that the guy I previously dated
    "Previously dated" implies that you had broken up.

    Anyway... Please get the book The Five Stages of Grief. Hopefully it will get you past the agony of the stage of Anger and onto the blissful stage of acceptance. It's after you reach the stage of Acceptance that you will start to feel some relief to your grief.
    Last edited by ThatwasThen; 03-22-2020 at 12:45 PM.

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