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Thread: I want the love of my life back. I want to go with him.

  1. #21
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    He passed away a week ago. So 3 weeks ago. I thought he had broken up with me. Our relationship had its ups and downs and we had a falling out a week after that. Yes, we didnt talk for a week I thought our relationship was over with. He came back and apologized to me for the way he was acting and wanting to try again and I gave him a chance. After that I didnt hear from him for a week. He did this alot even while we were together. So i was assuming he was busy with work and just got caught in the moment because he was living a busy lifestyle. After that, that's when I found out something was off. He stopped posting on Facebook. Because he usually does that's how I knew he was doing okay. By his posts. After not being able to talk to him for a week and not knowing what was going on at that time that's how I found out he passed away. I didnt know what was going on why he suddenly stopped talking to me. Till I learned he was dead for a week. I didnt know anything. I did try calling him for a week and he wasnt even answering. Little did I know he was dead for a week . So I knew in the back of my mind something was wrong. Till I learned that he passed on. I knew nothing as I was left to find out on my own. Our relationship wasnt perfect we always managed to work things out.


    QUOTE=bluecastle;7206796]When was the last time you saw him or spoke to him? Just curious to understand the context a bit better, given some recent threads which gave the impression that you weren't in a relationship but exploring dating someone new.

    I'm so very sorry for what you've experienced, and what you are feeling right now. Are you alone, during this global health crisis? Or is there anyone you can talk to? We're here of course, to listen as best we can, but there are limitations to the kind of support we can offer in facing the very real monster that is grief.

    For whatever it's worth? Whenever I die, I hope that anyone and everyone I've ever loved, and who has ever loved me, will ultimately honor my passing by continuing to live, and to love.[/QUOTE]

  2. #22
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    No, this wasnt the man I was talking about. If you go to my previous posts I talked about someone else that was a workaholic. You got it mixed up I was involved with someone else. Before I even started talking to someone again. Just for the record when I found out about my boyfriends passing I cut contact off with this person. I just couldn't deal.




    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    This is why people are confused:
    [Register to see the link]

    I didn't realize that was the same man you're talking about here.

    It's impossible now to think about going on. I understand that. It's too soon and too fresh.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Coolgirl... please look into getting yourself into therapy. You have a lot of past stuff you haven't come to terms with and packed away. Once you have dealt with your past trauma(s) I think you will be in a much better place. There are even online therapist that you can talk to virtually that will help you.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    You said this in your other thread:
    As a almost soon to be a 40 year old women I've had many many horrific experiences in my past. Because of my previous dating life
    You would do very well to process all those horrific experiences with the help of a professional that you can ruminate with.

    Help yourself to be the best you that you can be and feeling the best you can be... Get things resolved professionally.

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  6. #25
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    Yea, I thought about that too actually. I'm gonna give myself 2 weeks and see how I feel. If I see that I'm still gonna have a hard time than that's when I'll consider going to group therapy. For some people I dont know about you. When you think you meet the one when you know you know. The moment we met and saw each other I knew he was the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. He was falling for me too. He told me himself. He was my soulmate and the love of my life. Talking about having kids together and making future plans together and having that taken away from you. Have you ever been in love ? And that love being taken away from you how would it make you feel when someone you love is making plans to have a future with you ?





    Originally Posted by waffle
    I've already responded in your other thread when I went through the same thing and my advice remains the same: get professional help, either in an individual setting or a group setting, whichever works for you.

    It sounds like you hadn't been in regular contact if you found out via his obituary that he had died. I guess I don't understand. If you were as close as you say you were . . . his family never contacted you? Did they know about you?

    edited to add: OK, I see--it was a new relationship. I would be careful about assigning labels like "soulmate" and "love of my life" in cases like this. I'm sure it's been a huge shock, I know first-hand, and grieving is natural.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by coolgirl
    Yea, I thought about that too actually. I'm gonna give myself 2 weeks and see how I feel. If I see that I'm still gonna have a hard time than that's when I'll consider going to group therapy. For some people I dont know about you. When you think you meet the one when you know you know. The moment we met and saw each other I knew he was the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. He was falling for me too. He told me himself. He was my soulmate and the love of my life. Talking about having kids together and making future plans together and having that taken away from you. Have you ever been in love ? And that love being taken away from you how would it make you feel when someone you love is making plans to have a future with you ?
    How many times were you actually in his company in those three months you say you were together? Words without actions are just words. Please do yourself a favor and don't put so much stock in just words.

    Again... how much actually time in each others company were you together?

  8. #27
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    Yea, I know. The thing is I'm already struggling financially at the moment. And the insurance I have is limited to the therapy there is. Right now I cant afford expensive therapy sessions. If you know of any websites where they have affordable therapist I'll be open to that option.

    QUOTE=ThatwasThen;7206817]Coolgirl... please look into getting yourself into therapy. You have a lot of past stuff you haven't come to terms with and packed away. Once you have dealt with your past trauma(s) I think you will be in a much better place. There are even online therapist that you can talk to virtually that will help you.[/QUOTE]

  9. #28
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    We both had hectic schedules so we managed to see each other on regular basis. I cant say how many times but when ever we had the chance we would get together often.

    QUOTE=ThatwasThen;7206824]How many times were you actually in his company in those three months you say you were together? Words without actions are just words. Please do yourself a favor and don't put so much stock in just words.

    Again... how much actually time in each others company were you together?[/QUOTE]

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by coolgirl
    We both had hectic schedules so we managed to see each other on regular basis. I cant say how many times but when ever we had the chance we would get together often.
    Again... how much actual time in each others company were you together?]How many times is "often" if you both had busy schedules? You are basing your "I want to go with him" on the lust and infatuation and if you didn't have underlying baggage that you haven't dealt with, you would be able to process this in a healthier manner.

    What do you think about getting yourself the professional help that will hopefully get you past this in a more rational manner?

  11. #30
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    If you dated him for three months no way he was the love of your life. You didn't know him long enough to know it that would eventually be true. Since you dated him for 3 months, you were not in the loop about his health care or other situations. If you dated for years, and broke up recently, I get it -- but i think you are not really completely mourning him - you are mourning the fact of a potential chance or feeling cheated out of not ending on your terms. I am sorry that this happened, but you will find someone else. If you date thinking he was the love of your life, no man ever stands a chance.

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