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Thread: I am confused and depressed (kinda long)

  1. #1

    I am confused and depressed (kinda long)

    My fiance and I have been together for 11 years. We been engaged for 10. We treat eachother as husband and wife. We have 2 kids together. 10 and 7. Over the last 10 years my man has been emailing women calling them sexy/beautiful. Now the last 4 years he has been on dating websites.

    We been thru being homeless twice and once for over 3 years. During both those times he's been on the dating sites saying he's single and looking. I have caught him more than once. It's been a couple months since he's been on one. I did see that he's still looking for single milfs and crap.

    I mentioned to him saying I'm going to leave if he keeps it up. I gave him 5 chances due to our children.

    I'm not doing anything wrong that i know of. I cook, clean, 24/7 withour kids, we have sex, I'm trending to him wether is food, coffee, cleaning anything!

    I'm not hurt anymore seeing this but just annoyed and tired of it.

    I feel selfish for leaving or thinking about it.

    I don't need to feel like this right? He keeps saying he well stop, but doesn't. What is your opinion? My mom and sis say just leave him!
    My kids don't like him and it's their dad. He always cusses at them and i feel bad. If i have a bad day it's my fault. He talks to me rude it's all in my head.

    The last 4 years he hasn't complimented me in anyway besides food. I haven't been told i look good or I'm beautiful. I only get a "this dinner is good" and that's not often.

    I'm depressed and confused. 😶

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Do you want to continue to raise your kids in this environment?

    Think about the damage that's being done to them. They will grow up to have relationships exactly like yours. I'm sure you don't want that.

    Why do you stay? Do you have a better reason than "But I LOVE him!!!" or "But he's the father of my children!!!" or "I don't want my kids to grow up in a broken home!!" (PS: Their home is already broken, just in a different way...)

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He is abusive and degrading your kids. Be a good mother and finally start protecting them. Stop chasing this lazy bum. Is he a drug addict or ex con? Why is he homeless?

    You need to contact social services to get appropriate housing, food, healthcare for your kids, career training and childcare assistance. You also need to petition for child support on behalf of your kids.

    Leave asap and stay with friend or family until you get on your feet. The harm you are allowing to happen to your kids just so you can hang onto this guy is tragic.
    Originally Posted by BenevolentSp
    2 kids together. 10 and 7.
    We been thru being homeless twice and once for over 3 years. My mom and sis say just leave him! My kids don't like him and it's their dad. He always cusses at them and i feel bad.

  4. #4
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    I have no clue why you are still with him.

    You are not doing your kids any favour by raising them in a toxic and dysfunctional home, either.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I think he keeps saying he'll stop just to get you to stop worrying about it. I think he doesn't stop because he knows very clearly that he can still do it and you won't do anything but nag him about until he tells you what you want to hear ... and the merry go round you are both on continues on as always.

    I mentioned to him saying I'm going to leave if he keeps it up. I gave him 5 chances due to our children.
    If you say something you should mean it and follow through on your ultimatum immediately upon him doing it again after learning that its a deal breaker or you. Five chances just leads to what I've explained above... a ride on a merry go round.

    Right now with the pandemic ongoing is not a good time to be giving ultimatums that you should be following through on. If you're just angry about it, then you can change you with 100% success and you can change your anger into acceptance if you are not going to leave. If you can't change you, then you should get your ducks in a row by seeing a lawyer to find out your rights and obligations and then your banker to do the same so that when it is safe to leave and the pandemic is under control, you can get out fast and with yours and his rights taken care of. Maybe if he actually has to reap the consequences of his actions, he'd make an effort to change his ways. Right now he doesn't have to because you enable it.


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