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Thread: I lost my interest

  1. #1
    Silver Member kim42's Avatar
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    I lost my interest

    Hi guys, hope everyone is safe out there. I want to share something that happened to me this week I am curious to know if it happens to other women too.
    So I met this guy on a dating app, he was easy to talk to, we had an interesting conversation for a few days and then decided to meet up. So far we've met only once as the entire city went to lockdown because of the corona virus shortly after our first date.
    This guy seems like the perfect boyfriend material, he has a good job, owns an apartment, he's really chill and easy-going. I know I've met him only once, but so far I'm not seeing any red flags, he replies to all my messages, starts conversations, sends me text messages to check on me while I am working from home.
    I liked him a lot at the beginning, he's funny and smart, and I liked our first date too. I don't know what happened, but after our first date I started to lose interest. I wonder if it's because he's always available, but I honestly can't think of anything he would do 'wrong' on our date. He doesn't fall into the 'too nice' category, he is not clingy, but like I don't feel the need to text with him anymore, like I don't know what to tell him if that makes sense.
    Maybe I'm seeing him more as a friend than as a boyfriend, I mean I am attracted to him, he is handsome, but he didn't tell me he liked me, like explicitly, he didn't give me any compliments or anything. I know too many compliments too soon is a red flag, but maybe the chemistry is just not there.
    I would really like to be into this guy, he's a decent man and I don't understand why I am not into him anymore. I don't want to force myself into texting him when I don't feel like doing it, I'm just surprised I lost interest so quickly.
    Any advice is appreciated, thank you!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like you are looking for a spark but it's just not there. Are you willing to see in things warm up?

  3. #3
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    I think because you find it exciting when a man is unavailable and you confuse that for "interest" in the person as a person as opposed to a prize to be won. I know because I had that issue and got in my own way. Also chill and easygoing is lovely -nothing wrong with it at all! - but perhaps you like more of an edge, to be kept on your toes with interesting, challenging conversation, to see the spectrum of emotions. Listen to the song I Made A Fist from the show The Most Happy Fella. It's hilarious to see it performed on stage actually. So it might be you need someone emotionally distant to feel excited and/or his personality might be too chill for you -yet perfect for someone else.

  4. #4
    Silver Member kim42's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It sounds like you are looking for a spark but it's just not there. Are you willing to see in things warm up?
    We could try a second date, it depends on how long we will be in this quarantine situation, maybe the texting will stop by then completely. I agree I may be missing the chemistry thing.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Do him a favor and let him go.

    Tell him the truth and be completely honest. Tell him that you'll only consider him as a friend and nothing more. See if that goes over very well and if it doesn't, peacefully go your separate ways.

    If it were me, I'd give him a chance. However, I'm NOT you and you do what you feel in your gut.

  7. #6
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    After one date, you shouldn't feel the need to end it all. Maybe there's just too much communication. No need to be texting every day; perhaps that's what is beginning to tire you out.

    Give it another shot. If after the second date you feel the same way, then it's time to quit.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    he's a dud. I totally understand what you are getting at...looks are one thing, but if a guy can't emotionally stimulate you, then he can't be stimulating you down south.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Sorry you lost interest in a guy that you feel like you “should” be into! What are you looking for advice on? Either you like him or you don’t?

    Sounds like a secure guy and he won’t have any trouble getting dates if you don’t want to go out with him, you definitely don’t need to feel bad about cutting him loose.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    What is your past dating history like? What types of guys are you normally attracted to personality-wise? How long have your last relationships lasted, and what was the cause of their demise?

    Possible causes for losing interest in this type of guy? Even though you found him attractive, the chemistry isn't there. A big difference. Or, the normal pace of dating has been interrupted. I find earthy guys like this appealing, who are not too aggressive with compliments rolling off their tongues so easily. However, with no flirting going on on the first date, the second date with that important stage of flirting hasn't come to pass, and so the texting has stayed stagnant in a boring friend zone.

    Or, if your answers to the questions of your past bfs are that they were bad boys, that's what you think you deserve in life, and subconsciously reject someone who might be good for you.

    The only men I've lost interest in, if I had chemistry with them, was because their behavior was atrocious. Only once did I try to date someone who was clearly attractive, but I didn't have full-on chemistry with him, when I was 19. I lost interest 3 months later when a guy I did have chemistry with came along.

    As for your situation, I'd probably give another date a go when it's safe to do so, just to be sure you're not letting a golden opportunity pass you by without fully exploring it.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Honestly, it sounds as if the chemistry is just not there.

    It's not really something that is unmistakable, that's why I don't feel a second date would change anything. You either feel a spark after the first date or you feel more like he could be a friend. It really is one or the other and it's definitely there, or it isn't.

    I've met lots of nice men in my life who would be perfect boyfriend/husband material, but they just didn't do it for me. At times, it was really frustrating because I would meet someone that was such a nice man but you just cannot force chemistry and I knew it wasn't going to happen.

    Best to just let it go.

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