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Thread: Dating girl who just got out of a 5 year relationship

  1. #1
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    Dating girl who just got out of a 5 year relationship

    I have been seeing a girl from work for about a month now. Everything was perfect for the first 3 weeks! We were going out, she was staying over, etc! Then through a friend her ex found out that she was seeing me and blew her up and it made her feel real uncomfortable to the point where she started feeling pressured to be with me. To make matters worse work found out that we were seeing each other and it made her even more pressured. I know I have a major part in this but she says that she doesn’t feel pressured by me just be the outside world like work, my friends, ex’s family! She said she loves my friends by she is not ready for us to be labeled by them. I met up with her yesterday and I apologized for letting it leak out to the office and she looked okay and we kissed and she smiled and waved by. She said she wished her lunch was longer so we could keep talking. We are supposed to be hanging out this weekend but there are no concrete plans yet. Since seeing her I have backed off and I stopped texting her. What can I do to keep this alive?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    How long has she been out of her last relationship?

    This could go either way but as you probably already know, people who are fresh out of long term relationships are usually tying up lose ends emotionally and otherwise. It would take months to be totally clear of all the stuff she needs to work through. Do you want to be part of that?

    Though it's not ideal and doesn't fair well for you, it's not entirely impossible that the two of you can evolve into something eventually.

    I'd just give her the space to work through the things she needs to. There isn't much you can do then allow this to play out organically. In the meantime manage our expectations so you aren't disappointed if things don't work out the way you hoped.

  3. #3
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    She is not over her ex. She should not be in contact with him, nor should she care what his feelings are, as they are broken up. You are a rebound.

    I would end this now.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    How did people at work find out? What does "letting it 'leak'" mean, you told your coworkers? If so, why?

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    How did people at work find out? What does "letting it 'leak'" mean, you told your coworkers? If so, why?
    I was about to ask the same things.

  7. #6
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    She started seeing me the day after she left him 😅

  8. #7
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    Well this coworker had been pestering me about and she already had a hunch because she saw my name pop up on her phone a lot. One day she was bugging me about it and I showed her a pic of us. Even worse I had coffee delivered to her office and they said my nane so the office found out. Her ex found out because my best friends wife works with the ex’s sister and told her we were seeing each other which got back to the ex.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    It's called a rebound....look it up.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    It's up to her to place boundaries on her ex and ex's family. She didn't block him from contacting her. She didn't tell the ex's family not to communicate to her anything about the ex. Take off your hormone-driven rose-colored glasses. She doesn't have 100 percent confidence in dating you, and she's not dating material at this point, because you have been drawn into the messy tornado of her life.

    My advice: Tell her you made a mistake. That your goal is to date someone who is mentally free and clear of their past, and so you two will have to go back to just being co-workers.

    That's the mistake of dating a co-worker. You have the awkwardness of seeing them every day, and closure is a lot harder.

    She knows where you are if she ever gets to the point of leaving her baggage behind. In the meantime, don't be her "friends only" crutch and ego-boosting bandaid. You have to have your own back and do what's best for yourself.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Bro32
    She started seeing me the day after she left him 😅
    Does this really seem like a solid candidate for a new relationship, OP?

    Don't expect anything serious of this.

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