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Thread: Sour break up

  1. #21
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by murman37
    Wouldn’t you guys agree that it was immature of her to hook up then break up? Shouldn’t she have made her intentions more clear? I get that talking to her is out of the question and thank you for the kind responses it’s helping me put things into perspective.
    Honestly? No.

    People are complex, layered, and, above all, individuals. They have their own minds, and they are allowed to change them—at any time, for any reason. Asking someone out, hooking up with someone—these are no guarantees of anything. To view them as such? Well, that is immature, if you think about it, since it's viewing another person as a character in your own personal story rather than a person with free will.

    Maybe give that some thought. You spent three days of your life with this woman, and your expectations of her are more in line with what someone expects from a wife of 20 years. Did she sense that energy? I don't know, as I don't have access to her mind, but I do think it's worth reflecting on.

  2. #22
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    You should not be posting your personal life on FB. Ever!

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by murman37
    What about closure for me? sure I know what not to do next time. This was the first person I dated in ten years. One would think you might make mistakes if your not a dating expert like yourself. Cut me some slack.
    You only went out on three dates. You need to address your attachment issues.

    BTW, no woman wants to hear a guy tell her he loves her after a couple of dates. Way too soon. It is also too soon to introduce her to family.

    Everything went too fast! Closure after a couple of dates?

  4. #24
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    Dude, sometimes a blowjob is just a blowjob. But you're not the first guy to confuse it with a profession of undying love.

    Time to back away from any contact with this lady at all.

    There is no there, there.

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  6. #25
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    This one is a delicate one, her husband died and I am not sure if that was a long term situation and how strong their love was. For such a woman, waiting 2-years before moving on is a no no but she felt lonely. Her going down on you was not easy, it must have been really difficult and really with her situation - intimacy should have only been holding hands at most. On top, privacy between two people should not be exposed on social media - that's between you two. Her friends have no choice but to look for her best interest. In your case, stick to text messages and just see how it goes, women like her can't be pushed to decide, if you love her - then all you need to do is listen and support and if she falls for you over time, then there you go.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    We've seen this movie before. Work wherever you want to work, but leave the woman alone.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Be careful before you get charged with sexual harassment at work. If 3 dates and bj throw you off this much you need to talk to a doctor/therapist, not post rubbish on social media. Be very careful about that as well. She never promised you anything. Take your pining to a professional's office. She could file charges against you so get to a doctor asap.
    Originally Posted by murman37
    I met this woman at work

    went on 3 dates.and she went down on me

    I was so depressed, I posted something else on facebook,

  9. #28

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Be careful before you get charged with sexual harassment at work. If 3 dates and bj throw you off this much you need to talk to a doctor/therapist, not post rubbish on social media. Be very careful about that as well. She never promised you anything. Take your pining to a professional's office. She could file charges against you so get to a doctor asap.

    I am seeing a therapist. I realize I should have reached out to them sooner. I think you guys are right I do have attachment issues, its one of the reasons I stayed away from dating for ten years. How do I move on? I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life but I don't want every dating experience to end up in a personal crisis.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You need to date with the mindset of a day by day, wait and see attitude. Do not project to the future. See it is as enjoying good conversation and a good meal with someone. Have fun, and see it as it is, i.e., I have chemistry with this woman. We're having fun. As time goes by, we'll see if we're a match. If we're not, fate has someone else in store. Relax, and realize it usually takes dating a boatload of women before finding a good match. After my divorce, I had to go on dates, mostly one and done, with 30 men before I found my future husband.

    Because even if you don't verbally communicate what you're thinking, if it's serious thoughts like: OMG. I think she's the one. I envision us living together within six months. She's perfect. I've never felt like this before. It's a fairy tale. I love her.

    She will sense this over-the-top, too intense, too soon vibes from you and run like the wind.

    If you don't have a fulfilling life solo, hanging out with guy friends and a hobby you're passionate about, then I suggest building that part of your life before dating. If you haven't done so, this will be smothering to a woman if she's the sole center of your universe.

    A woman wants to share in the happiness you've created pre-her, versus being the only reason you are presently happy.

    Women are gathering info about you and coming to realizations about either wanting to stay or not with each passing day. There is no predictive timeline of when a breakup might happen, as each situation is different, pre-sex, after sex, etc.

    Good luck.

  11. #30
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    You've revirginized yourself. So, time to go slow back into the game. For you since you've been out of the game for so long, stick to mirroring. You call, then wait till they call. Same with texting. Same with inviting her eachother out. Make sure the 1st date is seeing if you can actually be friends, and treat it like getting to know someone. Update your wardrobe. Get into shape. Do not rush into thinking each woman could potentially be the one - way too much pressure on yourself, and you wind up coming off as needy and creepy. Just relax. And date. Have fun. Focus on fun - not if she's the one.

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