Best Interest

I'm a 24 year old male, three weeks ago I was introduced to a 22 year old female (Carly) from my female friend because she felt we would hit it off of well. My friend had warned though that Carly was recovering from a breakup.

 

Carly and I began talking, and oddly enough we hit it off extremely well. We have hung out together multiple times in the last two weeks and we have a lived very similar life, along with we have a ton of similar interests. The other day we decided to spontaneously go on a trip and left a few hours later. I was a little worried about this because we had probably only spent like six hours total together before this, but we decided on a two day spontaneous trip. The trip was actually really fun, there never was a dull moment where conversation seized. We had some deep conversation, and after she told me that it was the most fun that she has had in a long time. Also, she stated that aside from her best friend I am the only person that she has ever clicked like this with.

 

The whole trip she kept apologizing for small things, for example like accidentally hitting my vehicle with her boots, or her dog was sheding on the floor. Like I feel every other sentence she incorporated an "i'm sorry." At one point I asked her why she kept apologizing (I am VERY mellow), and she told me that her ex was always finding reasons to yell at her, and she was just apologizing for things that she would have done wrong. Later that night we talked for a couple hours on some deep topics. At one point her ex got brought up. Basically I was told that approximately 6 months ago, her ex of five years who was her first left her with no forewarning, three days later he had a new girlfriend, and now recently is engaged. Along with being physically and verbally abused. Anyhow she basically told me this has bothered her to the point where she wants nothing to do with do with anyone anytime soon because she doesn't want to get hurt again, which I completely understand.

 

After the trip she told me how much fun she had and asked to do more things with me in the future, and made plans with me. My dilemma is i'm worried about continuing to talk to her daily, and continuing to hangout with her. The reason my friend introduced me to her was hoping to lead to a relationship. I'm pretty sure she told her this too seeing they are best friends. I even told her the night we had a deep conversation that any guy would be lucky to have her, and that I would love to date someone like her. So I'm sure she knows that I have interest. But because of all of this, I am afraid to continue to hangout with her because I know I will get feelings for her and I just have a feeling I will be friendzoned for life. But it is tough because the times we have hung out, and on our trip there has been nothing physical between us, but it was just genuinely fun. Like I honestly would love to hangout with her again because I could be 100% myself, and act naturally without an issue. But just the idea that if this continues to happen I will be sitting here head over heals for this girl and missing out on a possible relationship which I want to pursue in this point in my life. (I told her this also).

 

Does anyone have any advice? One of my friends told me due to her past she is putting up a wall, and that I need to gain her trust. Yet I just am afraid of hurting myself by going on a wild goose chase.

Try to pull back . Although your friend meant well with this fix up. It only benefits your friend and her friend. You are the entertainment,a distraction.. The single available man. Your friend gets a break from listening to the drama and Carly gets out there and gets free entertainment and therapy. Leave this situation ASAP.

Thank you, I kind of was feeling that is a good route just to save myself. In the past I wouldn't have even entertained getting involved with any of this, but I've been on a bad stretch lately in my dating life. I kind of just was grasping at straws lately I guess.

She sounds as though she genuinely enjoys your company and it probaby feels good to have a nice to hang out with. However, she was also pretty clear she doesn't want to date any time soon.

 

I would heed that and dial things back. You can keep in touch, but I wouldn't get too fixed on the idea of this becoming a relationship. She sounds like she's got a lot of healing to do and you don't want to be the rebound guy.

If your goal is to find a relationship, then pursue that. Meaning dial it way back with this girl and focus on pursuing women who are in a healthy place emotionally and ready and able to make a good partner today. No fixer uppers.

The other day we decided to spontaneously go on a trip and left a few hours later.

Sorry, but I couldn't read past that. Why would you "go on a trip" when we are all in a coronavirus pandemic wherein we have all been advise to stay put?

 

where did you go and how many people were you exposed to or who you exposed yourselves to?

 

That out of the way, I shall go back and continue to read.

 

Okay, my take on it after continuing to read:

Thank you, I kind of was feeling that is a good route just to save myself. In the past I wouldn't have even entertained getting involved with any of this, but I've been on a bad stretch lately in my dating life. I kind of just was grasping at straws lately I guess.

I think you should listen to your gut. If she was in a five year abusive relationship and just recently out of it, then she is in no head space to be able to let herself become vulnerable. She will only emotionally bond to you if she lets herself become vulnerable. Don't let yourself be her soft place to learn to trust again. Once she does, the chances are she will think she can do better than someone that is dumb enough to stay with someone who was as damaged as she once was.

 

She would do well to get herself into therapy to help her figure out why she would stay with someone so long that treated her like crap.

 

Now.... keep safe and stop travelling. We should all be in lock down and only going out when absolutely necessary. When you do go out, keep a two meter distance from those around you.

I echo TWT,,,what are you thinking? Come on, please be responsible. The numbers need to get back down and the only way they will is if everyone stays home and isolates.

 

It's a pain, yeah I get it, but it could either take 30 days to clear this virus up or 300 days...it really does depend on how people will either stay home and stop interacting, or not.

She is in no place to date anyone for at least a year. She should also get therapy. She has a lot to process from her abusive relationship. If you can have a platonic relationship, then great.

 

I echo TWT's concern. Why the heck are you traveling during a pandemic! Stay home and think of your community.

It sounds like you have no problem telling her how you feel so tell her this:

 

"Carly,

I had so much fun spending time with you but I am interested in being in a relationship and not just friendship. I know you are not ready to date right now but when you are let me know, who knows if things line up we might be able to reconnect."

 

I would do this on a phone call with her but I know most people text these kinds of things. It will do two things. 1. Make it clear to her you are not interested in just a friendship with her. 2. It leaves the door open in the future. After all you still have the same mutual friend.

 

You do not want to be her therapist or her pal while she recovers from what sounds like a horrible relationship. You will end up like one of those guys in a RomCom movie that helps the pretty girl though her heartache and then gets introduce to her new bf one day. Don't be that guy.

 

Best to do it now than wait.

 

Lost

As to questions about the trip we basically went to a remote national forest hiking. The only human contact was between us in the vehicle, and getting gas at a gas station.

 

Thanks for the advice everyone.

we decided on a two day spontaneous trip.

Two days in a remote national forest hiking? Call me overly cautious but that's the last place I would want to go with someone I hardly know. O.O.

 

What do you plan to do with this gal?

 

In any event, keep isolated as much as you can and worry about dating someone new when the virus cases are more on the flat side of the curve.

If you are happy with her personality, the way she looks and want success then make sure you delay falling in love with her as long as possible. She has been with someone for 5-years and it was her first love. First loves usually don't last that long so she is connected with him and feels betrayal of what he did. So, if you like her, that's a good start. Just be her friend, support her and don't allow more than holding hands - let her fall in love with you first so she can slowly over come her past.

What type of translation app/software are you using?

let her fall in love with you first so she can slowly over come her past.