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I Dont Feel Like Myself At All Lately


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Hello, I'm a 26 year old male from New Jersey. I haven't been feeling like myself at all lately. I feel like I'm struggling with my self-worth, and it's gotten to the point where I feel like I’m not sure if I’m capable of loving someone, if someone will ever truly love me, or worse. I see almost everyone I'm close with within a 5-10 year age range (brother, cousins, close friends etc) in a happy & healthy long-term relationship, I’ve always been happy for them, but lately its been killing me inside that have never had that. It’s what I’ve wanted more than anything. I’ve been in 8 different relationships with women & none of them have lasted more than seven months, they all ended for similar reasons. (See my other topic on that if you'd like to know the reasons why, people here helped me with that, thank you)

 

Lately, I've had this crazy idea in my mind, and I've been wondering if I’m worthy enough to be loved by a woman in general, and I hate this feeling so much, because I know for a fact that I am, I just haven't felt that way lately.. I don’t understand how I even let myself get to that point, I know that's wrong, a terrible mindset, I have only been & only will be attracted to women.. My Only desire in life right now is to find the right woman (after I find myself, first,) and have a healthy relationship that lasts an extremely long time. I think Focusing on myself and not worrying about dating for this past month has driven me insane.

 

I have just been thinking terribly about myself lately and I can't seem to find my way out of this dark place I'm in, and I'm scaring myself. I wouldn't call it depression, because I'm still thinking positive mostly all the time, I have motivations and goals, I know what's important to me and I truly love myself, family and friends, I've never felt this strange feeling before. I'm grateful for my family, friends, my job, my life, all of my hobbies and interests, that I have a house to live in, I'm really grateful for everything. I just don't know why I'm feeling so down about myself.

 

I deleted my social media apps temporarily to focus on myself for awhile, but honestly that hasn't helped me at all. It's been 4 days since I've done that.

 

I've reached out to a professional psychiatrist about this late last night, but I have not heard back yet.

 

Any help is appreciated. Thank you

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OP it's good that you are seeking therapy for this.

 

Unfortunately there is no magic wand you or anyone else can wave to make the feelings go away. It's likely that you have always had these feelings, and have sought out these relationships as a way of validating your self-worth and getting instant gratification... in reality, no outside thing can fill that void for any length of time. It's up to you to find the tools to build confidence in yourself and learn to get your validation from within... that's the only way you will be able to lead a fulfilled life no matter who is or isn't in it.

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It's good, I have a close group of 3 friends I see all the time, and some others I don't see as often.. Hobbies are watching sports, playing fantasy football/baseball, listening to music, video games, spending time with family & friends, hoping to find a relationship that lasts, bowling, movies/tv shows.. I work 3 different part time jobs too in a field that I love, TV Production.

 

Also, thank you Maew

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