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Thread: Is it over or is he just mad at me ?

  1. #1
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    Is it over or is he just mad at me ?

    I was having a hard time in my relationship with partner i started doubting his feelings for me and then i rejected him(sexually) several times .anyway he wanted to discuss this ,he asked me if i do enjoy making love with him i said of course i do but sometimes i feel itís just physical he said of course not itís just the way i express my feelings (he is so touchy and has a high sex drive) anyway he insisted to know what i think and what i feel...and since i was really so mad at him i end up telling him: to be honest i feel like all we have is just a physical thing and nothing more ,he didnít even say a word after that and left,he refused to talk to me since then until a member of my family died,i told him and he was there for me ,he was so supportive and compassionate making sure am fine ...few days after that he started giving me the cold shoulder , we donít live together so if i donít contact him he doesnít and when i do he gives me short answers.... this made me really mad i couldnít stand it so i just stopped contacting him .we used to have a beautiful and peaceful relationship and i know shouldnít say what i said so i wanted to apologize,i texted him (can we talk when you are available) he didnít answer.now am not sure what to think ; did i really hurt him to the point he refuses to talk to me or he doesnítí even care about me .to mention we were colleagues for a year during an internship iíve had before , 3 months later weí reconnected . now itís been 8 months together

  2. #2
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    When you told him all you have left is a physical thing and nothing more you effectively told him you don't love him so he's packed his things and moved on in an emotional sense. Why did you say this to him?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Norah30
    I was having a hard time in my relationship with partner i started doubting his feelings for me and
    Focus on this

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    Originally Posted by Norah30
    .and since i was really so mad at him i end up telling him: to be honest i feel like all we have is just a physical thing and nothing more
    I don't know the backstory, but I'm not sure how you can expect him to want to talk to you after this. You virtually closed the door on him.

    What sort of problems were you two having prior to this last argument?

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  6. #5
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    His behavior becames so confusing, when weíre together everythingís perfect and smooth but once weíre apart he sometimes acts cold and distant, and other times heís the most loving and caring partner in the world, If i text him for example he gives me short answer or doesnít answer at all and when he does so i just leave him alone assuming he is busy or not in the right mood, 2 days later he calls and blames me for not contacting him or caring enough for him...that happened several times, or for example thereíre times when he spend hours on the phone chatting with me and sending sweet good morning/night texts ...ect and other days he just disappear all day long and then act like nothing happened.his hot and cold emotions made me feel insecure at some point, and i tried to discuss this with him but he never wanted to talk about it .
    Last edited by Norah30; 03-14-2020 at 08:51 PM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    After 8 months together, I know I would like to speak to my partner at least once a day, and would expect he'd like to hear my voice once a day and ask me how my day went. You two don't match in what you expect in a relationship, and yes, in your shoes, his behavior would bother me. Someone who runs hot and cold doesn't make a good partner. I'd take the matter into my own hands and break it off, since he's far less than an ideal partner. You can only choose one lifetime partner, and your heart and head should match in that decision.

  8. #7
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    I think your suspicions are right on point. It does appear that he is only a sex partner and nothing more. You want regular contact from him when you're apart-which is what a normal, healthy relationship entails. His inconsistency is what has you feeling like all he wants is sex, and I agree. After you expressed how you felt, nothing changed. He became distant and even more cold to you. That sounds like hes trying to manipulate you back in line- where he wants you- and by treating you coldly that you'll come back to him begging to remain a sex buddy.

    He doesn't want to put in the "work" needed to make you feel differently. He wants the sex, but wont make any real effort. Calling you regularly, checking in, spending quality time with you outside of sex are things that he just doesnt want to do.

    If you feel like you are being used just for sex, then you probably are. Women have the gift of intuition for a reason. He sees nothing wrong with the current situation and therefore, he wont change. And you deserve some measure of effort from a man that you give your body to. You are giving him the best part of you and that's how he behaves? Cut him off--never sleep with him again and let that be his loss. It's okay to desire more than what hes giving you. So move on from him and go get it!!
    Last edited by smJackson; 03-14-2020 at 11:42 PM.

  9. #8
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    How long did you date? How often did he reach out? Did you go out on regular dates?

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    Originally Posted by Norah30
    he insisted to know what i think and what i feel...and since i was really so mad at him i end up telling him: to be honest i feel like all we have is just a physical thing and nothing more ,he didnít even say a word after that and left... i wanted to apologize,i texted him (can we talk when you are available) he didnít answer.now am not sure what to think ; did i really hurt him to the point he refuses to talk to me or he doesnítí even care about me
    So he pushed you to tell him how you felt, you gave him an honest answer, he responded by leaving without another word and YOU want to apologise? This relationship sounds like it's all on his terms and you believe you need to do everything and anything to keep him. Your gut instinct told you he was only in it for the sex, his behaviour suggests he knows he's been called out on it, so don't allow yourself to be used any longer. His refusal to contact you and unwillingness to talk over the issue is manipulative and childish.

  11. #10
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    OP, given the further details you have provided - why do you want this guy back?

    This relationship sounds very unsatisfying for you, and there's really nothing there to resuscitate. Let him stay gone.

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