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Thread: Boyfriend doesnt trust me. Will he leave?

  1. #1

    Boyfriend doesnt trust me. Will he leave?

    I have been with my partner for nearly 7 months. Everthing was great in the beginning. He has children with his ex who he split from a couple of weeks before we got together so she was still in the picture but everything was going well.


    Then someone, i have no idea who, started posting false 'evidence'of me apparently cheating with her partner. The partner then took up posting things about me claiming to everyone, including my boyfriend that we had been sleeping together. Even arranged to meet my boyfriend to prove it all but my boyfriend never went. This caused alot of arguments between us. During this time he also started arguing with his ex as she had started seeing some one new and he stopped all contact with her.


    Things were good again for a while and he said he didnt believe any of the rumours of me cheating but i know he doeant trust me anymore. He checks my phone and we argue over me speaking to other guys even though its just general everyday talk. He saw a message i sent to his mate about it all saying i felt closer to him at the moment than my boyfriend and he woke me up arguing and telling me not to talk to him. He gives sly looks if we're in a group together and are talking to eachother. We argue alot over his not trusting me.

    He has also stopped doing little things he used to do, like at the beginning he would cook for me and take me out and just general date night type things but now he doesnt do anything. Hes moody all the time. He lives with family but i moved into his room. When we were arguing about his mate i moved back home for a few weeks but i am back living at his now.


    His ex messaged him out of the blue a few weeks ago after a few months of no contact and they arranged to meet. They have text a few times inbetween before meeting and met for a few hours at the weekend. He went to her place. I dropped him off and picked him up but he wanted me to do it round the corner from hers saying it would just cause problems if she saw me. They have arranged to meet again and he wouldve already gone back to hers the next day had he not have been called into work.

    I know they have children together and i trust him but i also know she still wants him back.


    Im worried that now shes back in the picture and we are arguing about him trusting me that he is going to start leaning more towards her as he can see what he gave up to be with me. He has already told me she is living a better life than us and a better life than they had before breaking up.
    Last edited by Rosiebabe97; 03-18-2020 at 01:08 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    You are very foolish if you continue on with this guy. I find it concerning that you live in a room with him at his parents home instead of maintaining your own independence. You need to be able to keep your independence with a d-bag like you are with that is clearly cheating on you with his ex while you are naive enough to drive him to do it.

    I'm sorry to be so blunt but the ignorance of your own best interests here is too shocking not to react to.

    You're afraid he's going to "start leaning more towards her?" sista, he never stopped leaning towards her.

  3. #3
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    He'd only just split up from his ex when you two got it together. He has had no time to process the breakup and get over his ex, and there is going to be a lot of baggage around - as you are finding out. You are a rebound, and the romance from the early part of the relationship has worn off.

    This is way too much silly drama for such a new relationship.

    Unless you enjoy this kind of thing, cut and run. They are going to be very much in each other's lives purely because of childcare issues, let alone her wanting him back, you feeling closer to his mate than you do to him, and all the backwards and forwards about who's living where.

    There is nothing in your post that makes me think this is going to end well.

  4. #4
    Originally Posted by nutbrownhare
    He'd only just split up from his ex when you two got it together. He has had no time to process the breakup and get over his ex, and there is going to be a lot of baggage around - as you are finding out. You are a rebound, and the romance from the early part of the relationship has worn off.
    Im not a rebound. He left her to be with me saying he no longer loved her and hadnt for some time

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    But yet, here he is asking you to take him to see his alleged ex.

    Why do you have to take him, does he not have his own transportation?

  7. #6
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    But yet, here he is asking you to take him to see his alleged ex.

    Why do you have to take him, does he not have his own transportation?
    No he doesnt have his own transport. This is the first contact they have had in about 3 months following their arguments. He told me she had blocked him on social media and blocked his phone number so the first conyact they had was a couple of weeks ago when she messaged him out of nowhere. He went to see her to see his children

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rosiebabe97
    Everything was great in the beginning.
    Sorry about all this.

    I'd take a moment, right now, to remember that 7 months is still the beginning. What you're describing, in other words, sounds like a "beginning" defined by a lot of drama and complications.

    He was only split form his ex for "a couple of weeks" when you got together? Tell me that, under any circumstances, and my response will be that you are getting into something with a high risk for imploding. Add in shared kids and you're basically outsourcing your emotional security to a malfunctioning nuclear weapon. He's a guy in emotional free fall, living at home—living, basically, on a life raft. And now you're discovering what hitching your own life to another's life raft looks like: a sinking ship.

    This guy clearly has a mountain of unfinished business to take care of with his ex. He stops talking to her because she's seeing someone? That should tell you something, namely that he is far, far from disconnected from her emotionally. He hides you from her? Ditto. These are two people who should be in each other's lives forever—for the sake of their children—but until that's all worked out I'd say they are two people who will just bring pain to anyone who attaches onto them romantically.

    Some random person accusing you of cheating? That's going to scratch the record of any relationship. But a solid one? It's just a scratch. Look at yours with clear eyes and I think you'll realize it's not nearly as solid as you think, so that extra bit of drama is, well, just more noise in a room that was already too noisy.

    If you're not ready to throw in the towel on this, I would tell him that you're not comfortable being kept as a secret. If he is truly over his ex and truly into making things work with you, respecting that should not be an issue, at all. If it's an issue? That's him telling you that he is not interested in the kind of relationship you want.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rosiebabe97
    No he doesnt have his own transport. This is the first contact they have had in about 3 months following their arguments. He told me she had blocked him on social media and blocked his phone number so the first conyact they had was a couple of weeks ago when she messaged him out of nowhere. He went to see her to see his children
    So why tell you to hide?

    Has he seen an attorney or paralegal about setting up child support and custody agreements?

  10. #9
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    So why tell you to hide?

    Has he seen an attorney or paralegal about setting up child support and custody agreements?
    Because she didnt take it well when she found out we were together and he thinks it will just cause more arguments. He says she stopped him seeing his children due to the arguments. And because of me.

    No he hasnt spoken to anybody. He doesnt pay any child support and before they stopped contact he was seeing the children regularly, taking them out and about with her. He said she had conditions to him seeing them, like she had to be present as she no longer trusted him

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rosiebabe97
    Im not a rebound. He left her to be with me saying he no longer loved her and hadnt for some time
    Wait wait wait.....so you are the other woman in someone else's relationship and now you are surprised that this is all blowing up in your face? Guess you are about to learn some harsh life lessons about that.....

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