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Thread: Advice Needed

  1. #1
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    Advice Needed

    So just recently I started to talk to a guy on Zoosk and so far so good as far as conversation wise. We have exchanged number and have talked on the phone. Were in the process of getting to know each other and so far as I know he seems pretty decent for the time being. The problem is that he lives 3 to 4 hours away. Before he messaged me he was fully aware of the distance and and I did ask him if the distance is going to bother him. He says he doesnt know till we get to there.

    My question is even with the 3-4 hours of distance how is this going to work ? Were just in the friend zone for the time being and in no rush to start a relationship. Should I be worried if he meets other women as friends ? I did ask him if hes a 1 woman man and he said he is. How can I find out if he's talking to other women without creeping him out ? I know it shouldn't bother me but it does.

    Reason being me saying this is because I want to avoid going through the disappointment and hurt of being rejected. If he finds someone better. It could happen. I worry about it. I know in life there is no guarantee but I do have my fears and I dont know whether I should communicate with him about this. I dont even know if I'm his type at all. I guess my question is should I voice my concern and tell him how I feel or should I just hold back for a while until I know him better ? because I'm always upfront and honest with the people i meet or date.

    For once I want something to go right for me and not screw anything up.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, until you meet and get to know each other in person and both decide to be exclusive, both of you are free to talk to and date others, especially locally. The best way to avoid being hurt or disappointed is to date locally and not invest this much in someone you have never met.

    If you wish to make more friends in general it may be best to connect to more people who share your interests. Take some courses and classes, even online if things are restricted in your area. Consider volunteering with an an online support group for people isolated by recent events. Over investing and over confiding in someone you met on a dating site and hope to be exclusive with is a way you could get hurt. He of course will seek local people to date.
    Originally Posted by coolgirl
    My question is even with the 3-4 hours of distance how is this going to work ? Were just in the friend zone for the time being and in no rush to start a relationship. Should I be worried if he meets other women as friends ?How can I find out if he's talking to other women without creeping him out ? I know it shouldn't bother me but it does.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    If you've never met this man than you are not dating, you have no right to ask him any questions about other women and you should stop just talking to him and make arrangements to meet and get to know one another. If you see that the dating is progressing to sex then is the time to talk about exclusivity.

    Why are you talking to guys that are 3 to 4 hours away. What a waste of your time. You aren't confident enough to be able to handle a long distance relationship if you're already worried that he's talking to other women.

    Find a guy who lives where you do where you can be assured through his attentiveness that he is just pursuing you.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I think it's worth remembering that there is a huge difference between "dating" and talking to a stranger on a screen, even if those talks are in the context of dating. In this phase of things it is impossible to be "rejected" because you must first be "accepted," and that is a ways off.

    So, no, this is not the moment to ask who else he is talking to and try to carve out some kind of commitment because you're anxious. He's a guy you don't know, and a guy who lives 4 hours away during a moment in time when people are being asked to stay inside. It is very, very hard to imagine those facts adding up to "dating," at least not anytime soon.

    Doesn't mean you can't keep talking to him, but if you do? I'd accept that what it is is a little online friendship/flirtationship, at least for the time being. Which, hey, can be a nice thing during strange times, though the nice part is dependent on being realistic.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    When do you two plan to meet in person?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    If you don't know how distance will work for you ....and it reads like you can't handle distance....then do yourself a huge favor and don't even bother with guys who are that far away from you. On all these apps, you can limit your dating radius to what you find reasonable and can manage.

    Your anxieties and questions at this point only highlight the fact that you are not in a place emotionally where you should be attempting a long distance relationship. It's not on him to reassure you and soothe your fears. At this point in time, it would be inappropriate for you to even ask him these kinds of questions. You aren't dating, you aren't exclusive, you don't even know if you'll click should you manage to meet face to face. You are putting the cart ten miles ahead of the horse here, which means....long distance isn't for you at this point in time.

  8. #7
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    He was the one that reached out to me first. So he was the one that iniated the contact first knowing that he's 4 hours away from me. I would like to get to know him and met up with him sooner than later knowing that if I'm his type or not. The sooner the better because I dont want to invest time if it's not going to get my anywhere. So I get with what your saying. I'm sure there are people that have been in long distance relationships and try to make it work. I just want to avoid getting hurt that's all.



    QUOTE=ThatwasThen;7205943]If you've never met this man than you are not dating, you have no right to ask him any questions about other women and you should stop just talking to him and make arrangements to meet and get to know one another. If you see that the dating is progressing to sex then is the time to talk about exclusivity.

    Why are you talking to guys that are 3 to 4 hours away. What a waste of your time. You aren't confident enough to be able to handle a long distance relationship if you're already worried that he's talking to other women.

    Find a guy who lives where you do where you can be assured through his attentiveness that he is just pursuing you.[/QUOTE]

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    3-4 hours away? This is just going to be a hookup.

  10. #9
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    I honestly dont know yet. We have talked about it. And he's planning to come up in October. But if he suggests sooner the better. It's just the timing we just literally started talking 4 days ago.


    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    When do you two plan to meet in person?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by coolgirl
    I honestly dont know yet. We have talked about it. And he's planning to come up in October. But if he suggests sooner the better. It's just the timing we just literally started talking 4 days ago.
    Seven months from now?

    No way would it make sense to shackle yourself to someone you won't even see in person for over half a year.

    I suggest meeting local men.

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