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Thread: Boyfriend doesnt trust me. Will he leave?

  1. #51
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    You're choosing to ignore all of the bad things that are right in front of you. And you can't even give a good reason why you're staying with him or why you think he's so wonderful.

    Do you have somewhere else you can live if he reconciles or moves back in with her "for the kids"?
    Im not ignoring it all im just not sure what to do right now.
    Yes i can move back home. Does everyone really think it is that likely to happen? My main reason for posting was about him not trusting me but everyone seems more concerned about his contact with his ex. Yes i had concerns about it but only because she has come back into his life at a point where we are having issues in our relationship

  2. #52
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Save yourself alot of heartache and move home now. He is using you as a chauffeur and buffer when he is on/off with his gf.
    Originally Posted by Rosiebabe97
    Yes i can move back home.

  3. #53
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    This relationship is a toxic mess.

    He doesn't trust you. He is spending time with his ex and talking about what a great life she's living. You two are crowded into a bedroom in someone else's house, which is stressful even for couples who have a strong relationship.

    You can continue to try to pretend everything's fine, but you shouldn't be surprised if he announces he's moving in with his ex. At least you have somewhere to go.

    I would raise your standards regarding the men you date and get into relationships with.

  4. #54
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Your main reason for posting, then, was what? Because he doesn't trust you after some random drama king or queen threw up some digital shade? If that's the case, the advice is pretty simple: if you're not shady, haven't been shady—great. He will see that. If he is immune to seeing that? He's not for you.

    But I think that's kind of false issue in this whole story, a little micro drama to focus on to keep the focus off the main one, which is that the very rocky pillars you're trying to build a relationship atop are starting to reveal just how rocky they are.

    In the "early days" he was nice, showered you in attention and affection. That always feels good. But that same guy? He's a guy who wasn't supporting his children, had a tense relationship with his ex, and doesn't really seem all that capable of supporting himself. Think about where that puts the variable that is you into the equation of him.

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  6. #55
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Your main reason for posting, then, was what? Because he doesn't trust you after some random drama king or queen threw up some digital shade? If that's the case, the advice is pretty simple: if you're not shady, haven't been shady—great. He will see that. If he is immune to seeing that? He's not for you.

    But I think that's kind of false issue in this whole story, a little micro drama to focus on to keep the focus off the main one, which is that the very rocky pillars you're trying to build a relationship atop are starting to reveal just how rocky they are.

    In the "early days" he was nice, showered you in attention and affection. That always feels good. But that same guy? He's a guy who wasn't supporting his children, had a tense relationship with his ex, and doesn't really seem all that capable of supporting himself. Think about where that puts the variable that is you into the equation of him.
    Its not just the rumours. He thinks there is something between me and one of his best mates because we talk. He doesnt trust either of us as his mate has a bad reputation and the rumours about me have only served to give him issues with trusting me too

  7. #56
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rosiebabe97
    Its not just the rumours. He thinks there is something between me and one of his best mates because we talk. He doesnt trust either of us as his mate has a bad reputation and the rumours about me have only served to give him issues with trusting me too
    Were you and this mate mates before the relationship? Are the rumors specifically about you and this mate?

    Related: It is often the case that people who get really worked up about this kind of nonsense do so because it's nonsense they're engaging in. Given what you've written here, it's pretty clear that your boyfriend and his "ex" has a wildly heated emotional connection, so imagining that you are also engaging with someone else in wildly heated manner would be of some comfort to him.

    Have you ever made a stew from the Toxic Cookbook? These are the basic ingredients.

  8. #57
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Were you and this mate mates before the relationship? Are the rumors specifically about you and this mate?

    Related: It is often the case that people who get really worked up about this kind of nonsense do so because it's nonsense they're engaging in. Given what you've written here, it's pretty clear that your boyfriend and his "ex" has a wildly heated emotional connection, so imagining that you are also engaging with someone else in wildly heated manner would be of some comfort to him.

    Have you ever made a stew from the Toxic Cookbook? These are the basic ingredients.
    No. I had never met his mate before getting together and no the rumours were not about him. It started as a girl posting screenshots of messages between her boyfriend and what was supposedly me. The boyfriend then started telling people it was true, to the point he was even telling me to stop lying and to move on with my life. He arranged to meet my boyfriend to prove it was true but my boyfriend never went as he said he believed me. But since then we have had alot of arguments about it as this guy has continued to tell people it is true. He somehow knows things about me which makes my boyfriend believe it for a time. Its because of all of this that he now does not trust my talking to his mate and checks my phone, doesnt like leaving us alone in a room together and gives sly looks when he sees us talking. All of this started before his ex messaged him again.

    What parts of what i have said show they have a heated emotional connection?

  9. #58
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    Originally Posted by Rosiebabe97
    It started as a girl posting screenshots of messages between her boyfriend and what was supposedly me. The boyfriend then started telling people it was true, to the point he was even telling me to stop lying and to move on with my life. He arranged to meet my boyfriend to prove it was true but my boyfriend never went as he said he believed me. But since then we have had alot of arguments about it as this guy has continued to tell people it is true. He somehow knows things about me which makes my boyfriend believe it for a time. Its because of all of this that he now does not trust my talking to his mate and checks my phone, doesnt like leaving us alone in a room together and gives sly looks when he sees us talking. All of this started before his ex messaged him again.
    And who is this mystery man? Where was this person posting things, and how was he telling you to stop lying? Messages, or?

    And how do you know this person has continued to spread these rumors to other people?

    There's a reason I'm asking, but I'll wait for your response to give my two cents.

  10. #59
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    And who is this mystery man? Where was this person posting things, and how was he telling you to stop lying? Messages, or?

    And how do you know this person has continued to spread these rumors to other people?

    There's a reason I'm asking, but I'll wait for your response to give my two cents.
    I have no idea who him or his 'girlfriend' are. There was a fake profile made using my name and photos.
    I know because i know people that had him as a friend on their social media, they dont know who he is though, i believe it is a fake account and he doesnt actually exist,and they have seen the things he has been saying and told me.

    And yes through messages, i messaged him to ask why he was saying all those things and he would message me back telling me to stop lying as everyone knows now and other such things as if it were true and it was me he had been speaking to all along

  11. #60
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    This mystery man is his ex, OP.

    Surely you have already figured that out and don't need anyone to spell it out for you.

    Anyway, this guy is a chump. You need to raise your standards and get rid of him. The alternative is that you stick around until he gets back together with his ex. It's already happening.

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