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Thread: I don't feel like my boyfriend loves me as more than a friend

  1. #11
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    If your relationship was secure, you wouldn't feel this fear that eventually he'll cross some lines. Considering that he is already crossing lines with this one woman, your fear is not unfounded.

    I don't think you need therapy, I think you need to listen to what your gut has been screaming at you - this guy is not a secure partner. You already knows this given the text convos you read between him and this other girl and the fact that he is always putting her interests above yours. I don't know of too many women who would be happy with an emotional connection like that between their SO and another woman. You say that he is just so nice and kind, I say he likes to stroke his ego and that's not very nice or kind at all. If he was genuinely kind, he'd care more about creating healthy boundaries with other women and not leading them on. Leading people on is not nice and it is all about his ego.

    It's amazing how your anxiety goes away when you remove the source causing it in the first place. Please understand that when you meet the right guy for you, someone who is genuinely kind as opposed to all smoke and mirrors, you will actually feel safe, secure, and your feelings and the relationship respected. You won't have to fight for it and you shouldn't be fighting for it. When you need to fight for basic respect....it's your clue that you really need to walk away.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It would be best to follow up with your doctors and continuous supportive therapy.
    Originally Posted by NothingSpeci
    I'm recovering from depression and suicide

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I think IMO its negligent to advise anyone that has already attempted suicide once (and sublimily suggested they may try again if things don't change) should be told that they don't need therapy.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    I think IMO its negligent to advise anyone that has already attempted suicide once (and sublimily suggested they may try again if things don't change) should be told that they don't need therapy.
    In that case I should clarify that what I mean is that she doesn't need to go to therapy to resolve her anxiety issues about this relationship. The relationship is an unhealthy one for the OP and a source of justified anxiety.

    She should seek therapy for other personal issues and suicidal thoughts.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    In that case I should clarify that what I mean is that she doesn't need to go to therapy to resolve her anxiety issues about this relationship. The relationship is an unhealthy one for the OP and a source of justified anxiety.

    She should seek therapy for other personal issues and suicidal thoughts.
    Yes, indeedy.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Either accept your boyfriend warts and all including his foibles or choose a man who is more compatible to you. Accept that your boyfriend will not change his character and personality for you. You either grin and bear it, bite your tongue and look the other way, tolerate him as is or get out. Exit the relationship.

    Your boyfriend is the problem. He's the one who is giving off vibes that it's ok to engage in excessive camaraderie with other women. It's not the girls who are the problem. It's your boyfriend who doesn't keep his personality under control and in check; that's the problem. He's the one who needs to act honorable, be more reserved, exercise discretion and behave gentlemanly.

    My husband is attractive yet he knows how not to go over the line regarding other female colleagues, church brethren, during his business trips and out there in society in general. There are certain rules of conduct which need to be in place without question nor debate. Honorable, gentlemanly behavior is steadfast and unwavering. There are a lot of attractive men and women out there who have that draw yet other people know how not to approach them if the other party gives the impression that they're not interested in over zealous, amiable behaviors.

    He is right. You're asking him to change who he is. Since your boyfriend refuses to enforce healthy boundaries with other women, either he goes or you go.

    The private texting with the other woman is disrespectful to you. My husband doesn't text other women out of respect and love for me. I'm exclusively his. My husband is unequivocally loyal and devoted to his wife as your boyfriend should be towards his girlfriend, YOU.

    Don't fight for this relationship anymore. Let him have the other girl. You deserve a man who loves, honors and respects you through his actions whenever your back is turned. Never be with a man whom you cannot trust with all your heart and soul.

  8. #17
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    I think you have two issues here: respect, and compatibility.

    Respect, because the texting and emotional connection just isn't respectful of you and the relationship. If he were single he would have the freedom to text and support and be friendly with whoever he wants, but the fact is that he's committed to you so it's disrespectful for him to want it all.

    Compatibility, because despite what I said above, many couples do function quite happily with someone whose personality is like your boyfriend. In fact, my husband and I are good friends with a couple who sounds very similar to what you describe: the boyfriend is very outgoing and friendly, spends time with other girls. But the key difference is that it doesn't bother his girlfriend. It honestly blows my mind that she's ok with it, so that proves it's a personality that could've never been compatible for me. It sounds like you're more like me and this will always make you miserable.

    I hope that made sense, and I know this is a hard situation for you, because he hasn't exactly done anything wrong that makes it easy for you to leave. I'm sorry, and I'm praying for wisdom for you in this decision. God bless

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