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Thread: Is this common? Am i being selfish?

  1. #1
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    Is this common? Am i being selfish?

    Iím not so new at the dating life but iíve had some personal growth for a couple of months and havenít had sex in a while. i met a guy at my work whoís 9 years older than me. He always pressures me to have sex with him and even when i donít want to, we end up doing it. He always makes me healthy foods/drinks. He gives me life lessons and advice. helps me maintain a better lifestyle and gets me motivated to workout/read and write and go on adventures, Which i love! I always smoke with him and then i go to his place. Every time i say no,... he always forces me. I feel the one being selfish for everything he does and not giving back in return but I also feel like he should respect if i donít feel like it. What do you guys think? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
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    So a smoothy makes you obligated to have sex with him?

    Turn down the smoothy and get one at Juice It Up or buy a blender.

    You don't need his manipulative life lessons.

    If I were you I'd kick him to the curb. If you need a boyfriend look for one who doesn't want you to endure transactional sex.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Smoking is bad for your health. So is this guy. You need to quit both.

  4. #4
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    This guy is bad news. Why are you having sex when you don't want to?

    Lose him!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sounds like sexual harassment. Stop going to his house.

  7. #6
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    He forces you to have sex when you don't want to... what a prize!

    That's on top of him telling you how to live your life...! This guy is a controller, and you will continue to be vulnerable to this sort of character until you decide that you can live more healthily and lead a full life all on your own. THIS is where you should be focusing as part of your personal growth.

    Ditch this guy, and run, run, run like the wind. It sounds like it's early days at the moment, but being with someone who behaves like this will have a devastating effect on your self-esteem in the long run. There's a very good book called 'Men who hate women, and the women who love them', which you may find interesting.

    Incidentally, the scenarios you describe in your original post would be described in the UK as 'Coercive Control' - which is a crime.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Have you not enough confidence to tell him "no" and do so forcefully? Do you think he would rape you if you actually turned down his advances instead of caving to them?

    I don't mean to come across as insensitive but apparently there is a part of you that likes to be overtaken or you wouldn't keep going back for more.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Why don't you dump this coworker and figure out if you are really interested in the other guy you have been hanging out with for 5 months and then go from there?

    This older guy sounds like he is trying to be your father, not your bf and ANY MAN that forces you to have sex with him needs to be removed from your life today!

    This is your life and your choice so stand up for yourself and stop thinking your body is a commodity to be offered for some advice and a smoothie.

    I am sure you can do way better than either one of these guys

    Lost

  10. #9
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    I know. I honestly look like someone who doesnít smoke but.. i smoke A lot. Almost everyday

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Smoke what? 🚬🥴
    Originally Posted by tied2u
    I know. I honestly look like someone who doesnít smoke but.. i smoke A lot. Almost everyday

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