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Thread: Fighting with family

  1. #1

    Fighting with family

    I live with my sister and mom. After I graduated from college last year, I returned home to save money for my own place soon. Today I realized I need to leave immediately. My sister and I (who is one and a half year older than me) got into a physical fight over something so stupid. She was so mad because I “yelled” at her. After that she started throwing my belongings. I told her not to keep throwing my things and she didn’t care and started calling me names. I was very calm to the point where she pushed me to just yell and scream at her. She always thinks she’s right about everything and sees nothing wrong with the things she says and does to me. Over the years, she thought it was okay to always get me to do things for her and for her to bully me sometimes. After I yelled at her, she provoked the fight and started to hit me first. I did not want to fight her. I only wanted to talk it out. My mom broke us up. Sometimes I think that they are more on each others side, especially since I’ve been away from college all these years. I wish I was back in my own place. I feel so lost. I left the house. To clear my mind. There was only one trusted person I could think of to call about this. I feel so alone sometimes that if I wasn’t living, they wouldn’t care. After the fight my mom acted like it never happened and was on the phone with a friend. I’m confused as to why she wanted to fight. I feel like she wanted to do that to make her feel better. Because afterwards she was silent and acted like it never even happened, like she felt satisfied for getting that off her chest. I’ll never forgive her for that.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The money you are "saving" is simply costing your mother extra expenses. For what? To breakup ridiculous fights between 2 grown women acting like children? Fights take 2 people so stop feeling sorry for yourself. Feel sorry for your mother who has to not only support 2 grown women but referee their catfights.

    It would be best to get as many jobs, side jobs, etc as you can. Also find a house share,roommate etc. Significantly cut down on luxury spending, cheaper phone, tv, clothes, etc. You need to learn to budget and to manage money on your own. This has to happen sooner or later. Start now.
    Originally Posted by Blckbttrfly
    I returned home to save money. she pushed me to just yell and scream at her. My mom broke us up.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Continue saving your money so you can move out and become financially independent. Then you have more power to enforce strong, healthy boundaries with your sister and mother.

    I understand about never forgiving and forgetting. I'm the same way with certain people in my midst.

    Have your vision and goals for your future. In the meantime, keep the peace as much as you can while the three of you reside under one roof. Don't yell since you know your sister's triggers and volatile temperament and keep calm. Be civil toward both your sister and mother.

  4. #4
    Thank you, you were very helpful.

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  6. #5
    I Never said felt sorry for myself. But okay since you think you know me.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    It really comes down to what's more important to you, your sanity and peace of mind or money? Sometimes, the money you are saving up just isn't worth it. So, yes, consider that finding a room to rent, living with roommates to save might be a much better option than living with this tension with your family.

  8. #7
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    Do you share a room with your sister? Why is she living with your mom too? Both past college age?

    Short term: carve out space that is farther away from her.
    Middle term: Assess your finances and do what you can to get enough money for rent (including deposits)
    Longer term: Move out to your own place. If it is with room mates, beware, the kind of thing you had with your sister can happen again if you are not mature bout things.
    Long term: You live your own life free of hassles imposed on you by relatives.

    Overarching "thing". Neither you nor your sister are doing right by your mom fighting as if you are 8 years old. And she is not doing you any favors by extending your childhood.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Do you pay your mom any rent at all? What is the timeframe for your ability to move out? If you have to be there for now, just go there to sleep, and the rest of the time hang out at the library, start a new hobby, go to a gym, do volunteer work, work temporary part time somewhere, etc.

    If you do pay rent, check out other arrangements where people rent out a room in their house, or mother-in-law suites, if it's the same price.

    If you don't feel close to your family, that's a common occurrence. People like this sometimes create their own "family" throughout life. Two sayings fit well here: You can choose your friends but not your family. And: You can't go home again.

    Good luck.

  10. #9
    I have my own room. I agree, I do believe fighting is not the answer. She initiated it. But okay

  11. #10
    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Do you pay your mom any rent at all? What is the timeframe for your ability to move out? If you have to be there for now, just go there to sleep, and the rest of the time hang out at the library, start a new hobby, go to a gym, do volunteer work, work temporary part time somewhere, etc.

    If you do pay rent, check out other arrangements where people rent out a room in their house, or mother-in-law suites, if it's the same price.

    If you don't feel close to your family, that's a common occurrence. People like this sometimes create their own "family" throughout life. Two sayings fit well here: You can choose your friends but not your family. And: You can't go home again.

    Good luck.


    Thank you for your reply

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