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Thread: How to breakup with someone who can't let you go?

  1. #1

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    Mar 2020
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    How to breakup with someone who can't let you go?

    Hey sorry if this is long. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year. We went from strangers to best friends. One day we just started Facetiming each other and we continued doing that every single day. We would fall asleep on the phone and wake up at 6am for school the next day and still be on Facetime lol. During this time, I was a senior in high school and he was a junior. We went to different schools but we managed to start seeing each other as much as possible. He would even cut school to see me even though I never wanted him to skip school he would just say "I just wanna be with you". Mind you this is only a month or two in. At this point we have told each other everything, our deepest darkest secrets. There were nights where he would break down crying because of the family problems he has and his own mental issues. He was going through depression. There were nights on Facetime where he would let me know how much he appreciates me and cares for me and start to cry about that too because he is so grateful for meeting me. He always would thank me for being there for him through his hardest moments. There were times we would talk on the phone til 6am and he would just appreciate me. Two months later we made it official and continued to talk everyday, you know, that young puppy love. The days he did go to school he would make the cutest s*** in his art classes. He would always put my initial or just include my name in his art. One time his school went on a field trip to the beach and he drew out "I love you Cierra" in the sand and he would record it and send it to me. He would surprise me with cute little gifts and he even gave me his bracelet that he got from the Philippines. He was born there and that is the reason why he ended up being in a grade behind me because he didn't know English at the time. But from the age of 9 he would just read so many books and if you talk to him, you wouldn't even know that he's bilingual because he has no accent. He made me feel so special as his girlfriend he always told me he tells everyone at school about me. I was so surprised when I visited his school (it's a small school) everyone knew my name and there were teachers that would go up to me and hug me and thank me. I thought he was capping but he really did tell these people about me. 5 months later were basically inseparable. We are with each other damn near everyday. We live in two different cities and we don't have a car so he would usually be the one to catch the train and bus just to see me, in the cold and in the rain. This would take about an hour and 30 minutes. I would feel bad but at the same time I felt very special because no one has treated me with that much importance before. We're the type of couple that doesn't really act like a couple. We treat each other like best friends and we always laugh at each other and do gross things like smelling each other's farts ( as a joke) because we didn't care and we are so comfortable with each other. There was a time where we got into a bad argument and he called me a b****. I told him I'm not like these other girls that likes being called a b**** and I wont tolerate it. We solved our issues and continued on. Then as time goes by, we get into more arguments and he gets more disrespectful and I am the type of person that doesn't deal with that so I tell him to call me when he calms down. He listens. 8 months in, we have ups and downs but we can't seem to leave each other alone. He still tells me he appreciates me and loves me for being there for him through everything and his mental illnesses. He would always tell me how he wouldn't give a if his family doesn't like me or want me around him he would emphasize that he would stay with me regardless because as he puts it "they don't know ". What I mean by that is they don't know everything I have done for him and how hard I would fight for him. He always would tell me I am his top priority, even before his family. That surprised me because I never met a guy like that. Most guys I know leave girls without saying a word and they don't care how the girl would feel. This guy told me he would do anything for me and he has shown me that many many times. He talks to his mom about me and she has told me hers self through texts (because she lives in the Philippines) how much she appreciates me. She also has told me how much his family out there appreciates me because his family here doesn't really support him or help him through things like getting a job and getting through school. He has told me multiple times on how much he wants to go home (the Philippines) because he was so happy out there and now he doesn't even know if he wants to do that because he doesn't want to leave me. He has told me his biggest dream is me (a black girl) moving to the Philippines with him. He said that would make his life. But that is difficult because I am currently in my first year of college and everyone says I need to finish here. We have been through so much, there has been times where things got difficult and I ask him why doesn't he just break up with me? He said it's so hard to let go. I am all he has. He has said if I leave he really wouldn't know what to do because I have also have been his "mom" out here. I have sent him my last $30 for uber eats is he didn't eat that day. I take care of him more than his family out here. I know he would really struggle. There has been a lot of good in our relationship but there has also been a lot of bad. He is very jealous, he has accused me of cheating even though I would never do that and he has cried to me about the girls that played him. He acts like a child sometimes like if he doesn't get what he wants he will throw a tantrum. For example, if I hang out with my girl friends for the day and we get our nails done or something, he would be very sad and throw a tantrum. In his head, he thinks I am trying to avoid him but that is not the case I am simply hanging out with my friends. I have also told him we could have a day to hang out with our friends (because space is healthy) but he would refuse because he would rather be with me than anyone. But we did work on this though and he understands that its okay for me to be with them. I have asked him, don't you get annoyed with me sometimes? Don't you want me to leave you alone sometimes. And he would reply with something like I don't care I just wanna be with you, that's all. Our relationship has stressed us both out and I have asked him wouldn't it be better if we were just best friends? We wouldn't have to stress like this anymore, and everything would be good. But he would reply with he just wants me, no one else. He doesn't want to be single he doesn't want to look for other girls, he just wants me. But I honestly feel like I have become a huge distraction for him. There were days where he wouldn't go to school and he would come up to my school and wait for me to get out of class just to be with me and I would remind him to focus on more important things like getting his diploma but he is so stubborn he would just say he wants us to be together. This has gotten so hard and I love him with all of my heart but I don't want to see him not graduate. I want space because I know that would be good for both of us and we wont be clinging on to each other. But he doesn't get it. Every time we do "breakup" it doesn't last because he is just so sad. Like a sad ass puppy. I honestly don't know what to do. It's like I don't want to leave him because hes struggling mentally and his family out here doesn't care but this has become draining. This man has loved me so hard, defended me, cared for me, got me through my panic attacks and so much more. But things are toxic and its mainly because of his mental issues. He says he loves me but if you loved someone wouldn't you let them go if they wanted you to? If it were you, would you stay? I know relationships are hard. Would you stay with someone that treats you like his queen but has anger issues? Thank you for your answers.

  2. #2
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    Paragraphs, OP.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    End it. He has friends, family, doctors, therapist and teachers who can care for him. Learn right now that anyone who destroys your property is an abuser. Get more involved in school in a productive way. Get involved in sports, clubs groups, etc. get a part time job. Get involved in healthy pursuits that further your happiness and future.

    Start focusing on grades and college and your future. Get rid of the weed and jerks who do drugs, drink, are losers and get in trouble. Talk to a some trusted adult about theses issues. If you feel isolated, desperate or lonely ask your parents to take you to a therapist where you can confidentially talk about things with an adult.

    Read up on teen dating red flags:[Register to see the link]

  4. #4
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    In order for you to be in a good partnership with this person, you canít be his mum and you canít be his therapist. You definitely canít be his everything!

    [Register to see the link]

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  6. #5
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    Tell him itís over.
    Then delete and block.

    Thatís it really.

    You are not that special to him. He will replace you and cling onto someone else just as quick as he clung on to you.
    Donít be surprised to learn that he has moved onto another and got over the break up quicker than you.

    He is controlling and manipulative and has been from day one .
    Please donít ignore those red flags again.

    His ďsweetĒ actions were not sweet at all. Just keeping a close eye on you.
    If he loved you he would encourage you to hang out with your friends. But he does the opposite.

    So yep, break up firmly , no emotions , delete and block.

  7. #6
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    Paragraphs please

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I skimmed through the post. Too long without paragraphs. He survived before you entered his life and he will survive when you exit. If a person can't do so, and need a crutch to get through life, they are immature and broken, not lifetime partner material.

    I'm sure you feel smothered and overwhelmed by his neediness, irrational jealousy and accusations. Those are dealbreakers for any person with self-worth. Your nurturing mentality has gone overboard and you're hurting yourself by remaining in a very dysfunctional relationship, and letting his sadness after the fact reel you back in.

    You can't stay friends with him. Cut it off for once and for all and delete him in every capacity. If you feel he could be mentally unbalanced and will start stalking you or worse, take steps to keep yourself safe. Good luck.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I ask him why doesn't he just break up with me?
    I have asked him, don't you get annoyed with me sometimes? Don't you want me to leave you alone sometimes.
    I have asked him wouldn't it be better if we were just best friends? We wouldn't have to stress like this anymore, and everything would be good
    These are all very passive-aggressive and manipulative comments. Be straight up about what you want... if you want space, take space. If you want to break up, break up. Making tough decisions and following through on them is part of being an adult. Despite what he says he will be fine without you... and if he isn't, well he was never fine in the first place.

  10. #9

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    my bad I was just venting. In my next forum, I will use paragraphs.

  11. #10

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    I understand. But what if it was you? Would you leave someone you love struggling? I just want your opinion

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