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Thread: So depressed after seeing her on a dating app

  1. #1
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    So depressed after seeing her on a dating app

    We broke up a gew years ago as I had to move away for studies but now I'm relatively close to where she is. The last time I spoke to her she had a new bf and I tried to blank her out of my life as I still had feelings for her. This was a while ago.

    Then when I was casually swiping through on a dating app I seen her and my heart sunk. She looked beautiful. I went on to her fb profile that I hadn't been on for over a couple of years and seen everything shes been doing in her life. I messaged her telling her how I felt and she told me she had moved on a while ago and that she is speaking to someone new which is probably from this app.

    I feel sick and cant eat or sleep. I can't help but wonder what shes getting up to with the new guy and think about them having intimacy. The pain is so bad. I dont know what to do to help my mind as it constantly thinks about these things. I'm so down

  2. #2
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    OP, given your recent threads, my guess is that this not so much about this specific ex, but rather how down you feel about yourself and your life in general.

    Messaging her with your feelings was a bit much, given that you don't appear to have been in contact for some time, but it does seem you were getting anxious for some sort of validation and tried to assign that task to her. But OP, you had to know that you were taking a gigantic risk there. You broke up years ago and haven't maintained close ties. Hoping that she would somehow respond positively to a feelings about your feelings? You had to know, on some level, that it wasn't going to yield the results you wanted.

    Delete her off your social media so that you're not tempted to make contact anymore. You won't be losing anything by doing so, seeing as how you're not in each others' lives anyway. Then get about the business of working on you and getting to a more confident place in your life. That is what will prevent you from fishing from ponds that have long since dried up.

  3. #3
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    I guess I felt I had nothing to lose as I'd already seen her on the app. Was hard seeing her face for the first time in 3 years.

    Trouble for me is a girl like her will have her pick of guys on these apps so it's no doubt that whoever's shes seeing is taller and better looking than me etc. Just feel lost and no motivation and lonely

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Ross88
    I guess I felt I had nothing to lose as I'd already seen her on the app. Was hard seeing her face for the first time in 3 years.

    Trouble for me is a girl like her will have her pick of guys on these apps so it's no doubt that whoever's shes seeing is taller and better looking than me etc. Just feel lost and no motivation and lonely
    So what are you trying to tell us and yourself? That you should date a girl who wouldn’t have her pick of men?
    And that only physical qualities matter? Height , looks?

    Shame on you for thinking that.

    That’s on you. Not her.

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  6. #5
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    That's not what I said. All I was saying is that she had everything including a great personality which is why I feel so down

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. You don't have to feel like this. Get to a doctor for an evaluation and referral to a therapist. You can start feeling better. As you know this funk over an ex and grasping at straws is simply a symptom that more is not right in your life besides an ex from 3 years ago dating again. After all you're on the dating apps too.
    Originally Posted by Ross88
    I feel sick and cant eat or sleep. The pain is so bad. I dont know what to do to help my mind as it constantly thinks about these things. I'm so down

  8. #7
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    I do go on them occasionally but its more to talk to people and take my mind off of her as something will remind me of her or I'll have a dream about her. I just cant believe how shes been in another relationship for over 2 years since me and I'm still thinking about her.

  9. #8
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    If it's been a few years and you're still hung up on her, it might be a good time to seek some professional counselling.

    You've got quite a self-loathing narrative going on, and being this crushed when a fairly long-ago ex again says "no" indicates that you could use a helping hand in coping and turning things around for you.

  10. #9
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    Until you are ready to find a good therapist and work through your issues, your life is not going to change, period. No miracle will take place, you have to take the time and put in the effort. So you have to decide to take control or spend the next 30 years this way.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Sounds to me you haven't moved forward, and you've had two years to do it...I agree this is only a small portion of what is bringing you down, the rest is on how poopy your life has been. If you keep this up life will never be great for you. It's all about attitude. If you have a positive outlook on life, things like this won't be a bother. Stop wallowing in your misery and make something of yourself.

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