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Thread: Starting to resent my fiance of two years

  1. #1

    Starting to resent my fiance of two years

    Can someone help me figure out if this is normal....I have been engaged for two years and with my partner for four years. We live together and in starting to feel as though I am super under appreciated and ignored. I do alot for the household, cleaning, laundry, cooking, taking care of the dog, and I work a full time job. My fiance also works as a school teacher but when she comes home she will take the dog out for five minutes (we have an energetic dog who needs atleast an hour of exercise per day) and then sit down on the couch and watch TV or play on her phone or even fall asleep for a nap until 7pm. I work until 630pm most nights and am still expected to come home walk the dog, make dinner, clean, make sure the laundry is done (since we don't have a washer and dryer in our apartment). I understand being a teacher is alot of stress and difficult but I feel like I shouldn't have to be taking on alot of the household responsibility. Does anyone else agree? Every night we sit and watch out TV show together and then entire time she is texting or on Facebook or Instagram, like get off that we are suppose to have quality time together but she considers us running around to three different stores together quality time. And I ask her to come for walks with me and the dog and she always turns me down. She also never offers to take him outside in the morning or at night and it's always my responsibility. Am I being crazy about all of this? She says she is allowed to be on her phone and she's allowed to relax and I get that but aren't I allowed to relax too? Help!!!!

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Other than the animal care which is necessary I would stop doing everything.

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Have you talked to her, calmly, about these concerns? That’s generally a good place to start, and a good thing to be able to do with someone you’re going to spend your life with. Resentment, after all, is what happens when we choose to not address things that are bothering us while hoping they will magically go away.

  4. #4
    I have spoken with her about it and her response is always that she puts relaxing before anything else and she deserves to relax

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  6. #5
    I try to do that but I can't take a messy house. And what am I suppose to do not make dinner ?

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jillyanrose
    I try to do that but I can't take a messy house. And what am I suppose to do not make dinner ?
    Make dinner for yourself and clean your own stuff and then you deserve to relax. If she gets no dinner that’s up to her.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jillyanrose
    I have spoken with her about it and her response is always that she puts relaxing before anything else and she deserves to relax
    This kind of attitude is not the response of a person that is mature enough on several levels to be in a marriage....

    Its cringe worthy to think she deserves to relax, but what? you don't?

    I'd seriously think about this before making it permanent... If her response to your issues are to defend herself without listening or being honest about the situation in a way that shows compromise, I'd be out.

    And if you are neat and like order and she doesn't, coupled with this, that could be highlighting the fact that you are not compatible.

    I don't think people need to perfectly compatible to work. But one must decide for themselves if something is a deal breaker or not.

    The resentment is telling you something... her response, while fuel to the fire, is also telling you something....

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Since she refuses to pull her weight regarding household chores, errands and dog care, don't get married. Cancel the engagement and wedding plans.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Can I ask how old you two are? And how long you’ve lived together? Just trying to get some context in understanding how long this has been an issue—like, for instance, if it started with moving in.

    Your frustration is more than understandable. Unfortunately, it’s not internet strangers you need to understand that, but your fiancé. Have you tried framing it all in the context of splitting chores so (a) you both can relax; (b) you can enjoy quality time; and (c) you can live, together, in a sound system rather than a rocky one?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You can make one last ditch attempt, and if she declines the reasonable offer, it means she doesn't care, so why should you remain partners?

    I'd make a chart and designate which days each of you is responsible for dinner, alternating those days. Whoever doesn't cook does the dishes. Divvy up the other chores as well. Same with the dog, although you'll probably be the one to have to take him for longer walks, since she can't be counted on for that. And have a rule where cell phones are put away during certain time frames when you're supposed to be enjoying quality time together.

    If that doesn't work, don't waste your time any longer. When you're frustrated regularly in a relationship, it means it's not the right one for you. And if you act like a doormat, that's what people will use you for, so learn to get a spine so you don't attract lazy users in the future.

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