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Thread: Amazing relationship but no friends and feeling lonely

  1. #1

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    Amazing relationship but no friends and feeling lonely

    I have the best relationship with my boyfriend and Iíve never been happier in a relationship than I am now. We spend almost every day together and love each otherís company. I have seriously never been happier. But sometimes he goes out with his friends and Iím left at home by myself, which is fine! Iím not one of those girlfriends that doesnít let her boyfriend go out! I love that he has friends and goes out and has fun, but it makes me feel lonely because I donít have any friends and I donít have anyone to talk to or anywhere to go when heís not around. I used to have quite a few friends but Iíve slowly been pulling myself away because Iíve realised that theyíre not the best friends. So now Iím feeling incredibly lonely. I spent my birthday crying to my boyfriend because I had no friends to celebrate my 20th birthday with. And I feel bad for burdening him with my problems. Most of the time Iím fine with not having friends but as time goes by it gets to me more and more and Iím scared that Iím the future im going to end up depressed because of it. I have a bit of a past with mental health so Iím scared Iím going to fall into that again. I guess Iím just after some reassurance. Is it normal to not have any friends but still have an amazing relationship?

  2. #2
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    Originally Posted by Cekyri
    I guess Iím just after some reassurance. Is it normal to not have any friends but still have an amazing relationship?
    I can't say that it's normal or healthy, Cekyri.

    You are seeing the negative effects of being socially isolated. It hurts you, and it will likely eventually take a toll on your relationship. I am sure your boyfriend sympathizes, but it's also tough to know you are the really the sole source of companionship for your partner. It puts a lot of pressure on the couple, even if you don't try to limit him.

    So, now would be a good time to balance your life a little more effectively. Reflect. What was it that triggered you to distance yourself from old friends, exactly? Are there any interest groups or clubs in your area which you could join? Volunteer organizations? For the time being, given the circumstances of the pandemic, you won't be able to physically put yourself out there but you can start looking into you options.

    You also mention a history of mental health struggles. Do you mind sharing what you mean, and if you're currently receiving any treatment for something?

  3. #3

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    I struggled a few years ago with depression and anxiety mostly because I thought I wasnít good enough for myself or anyone else but I had amazing support from my family and got the help I needed. Iíve been off medication for nearly 3 years now but I feel happy in that respect. I used to look in the mirror and hate what I saw but now I love myself! Itís just the aspect of not having any friends that troubles me. I just started a new job so Iím still trying to make friends with my new co workers so hopefully that works well. I just struggle because Iíve lost so many friends that I knew were toxic and i know itís for the better that I donít see them now but it still sucks not to have anyone to hang out with. I did have a group of friends a few months ago but they stopped inviting me out and they became really y. I hope it doesnít take a toll on my relationship. I try not to talk about it too much with my boyfriend. Heís very supportive but I donít think he sees it how I see it. He always says that Iíll always have him and I know that but Iím just worried Iíll be sad when Iím older and still have no friends.

  4. #4
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    Out of curiosity, do you reciprocate in friendships? You say this most recent group of friends stopped inviting you out; did you take initiative and reach out to them as much as they reached out to you?

    I am just trying to get a sense of what the dynamic was like in these friendships.

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  6. #5

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    I always asked them if they wanted to hang out but everyone was always busy either working or already having plans, which is understandable, but then when they werenít busy they wouldnít ask me

  7. #6
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    What girlfriend would not let her boyfriend go out? I don't know where you're getting that from.

    What actions do you take to give to your friends/reciprocate -be specific as that will help. I can mention what I specifically do if you don't understand what I'm asking.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's your responsibility to develop interest hobbies, etc that you can share with people even online in these time. You need to be ok with yourself. A bf should Not be a babysitter, therapist or your only relief from boredom or loneliness.

    You need to examine why you push people away and why you are depressed, withdrawn and isolated. Get to a doctor or utilize one of the many video psychology/medical services available. You need to manage your mental health much better than you are.

    Use telehealth services to get remote treatment, fill prescriptions and get medical attention during the new coronavirus pandemic. Almost 80% of hospitals in the U.S. have some sort of telehealth service

    If you keep letting it go, you could lose your bf too.You are burdening not only yourself but overburdening your bf with your untreated or under treated conditions.
    Originally Posted by Cekyri
    Iím left at home by myself, which is fine! I donít have anyone to talk to or anywhere to go when heís not around. Iím feeling incredibly lonely. I spent my birthday crying to my boyfriend I have a bit of a past with mental health so Iím scared Iím going to fall into that again.

  9. #8
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    Minimising friends are one of the best thing you can do, finding a new friend on the other hand is not easy as everyone gets busy with routines. Some people need to socialise and if that is you then you have to get out first. If you make a wrong friend, it'll hurt both of you. A good friend is very difficult to find, a good friend is someone who promotes your relationship and wishes well for you - find that, then that's a person to keep otherwise continue your life with your partner and know for sure that he is the one.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Get up off the couch, quit crying, and get out there. Join some groups or clubs that interest you. Take up a new hobby or sport. You need to put yourself out there to make some new friends. You are far too tangled up in your bf's life to the detriment of your own. Become your own person, not an extension of him. If you need therapy to help with this, get it. Dont waste your life.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    If you're faith based, try joining a local church. You'll find tons of friends there. I've met and kept great friends from my Women's Bible Study group, mid-week couples Bible Study group, met amazing friends from serving in various ministries (Children's Ministry - teaching Sunday School), church socials, serving the homeless together, etc. From there we do other things together such as meet for lunch, walks, shopping, etc. Of course, now with the COVID-19 pandemic, we have to do everything virtually which is better than nothing. Or, we still meet for walks except we maintain a 6 ft distance or we bring our chairs, sit in a circle while maintaining the same 6 ft distance. Whatever works.

    My BFF is a lady childhood friend whom I've known ever since we were 9 years old so we go way back. My BFF is rare because fortunately we've kept in touch all these years plus both of us remained local and never moved faraway from each other. Our husbands are good friends and our 4 sons are all within the same age bracket so we lucked out there.

    With COVID-19 pandemic, it will be more challenging to find friends since most people are self-quarantining themselves but you can work around it virtually until you're able to meet them in person or maintain the 6 ft separation rule should there be arrangements to meet people in person during this pandemic. For starters, there are exercise groups, walkers, some people partake in hobbies as long as they're far apart and the like.

    Don't make your boyfriend your whole life. Have your own interests such as exercise, hobbies, intellectual pursuits and the like. Keep in mind, it takes time to cultivate, nurture and maintain friendships so don't expect instantaneous results and friendships after getting acquainted with them.

    Finding a great friend or friends is often times compared to finding a needle in a haystack. It can be done with effort, luck and patience. Stay strong.

    You have to start somewhere. Have a work around during this COVID-19 pandemic and take baby steps forming new friendships. Many times you'll have to start out in groups and then break off to develop individual friends. Also, ask if you can join your boyfriend when socializing. Surely, his friends must have girlfriends whom you can be introduced to and mingle with. Since you have family, ask to join them socially and introduce you to their friends and various associations. Now is not the time to be shy. Keep your 6 ft distance, wash your hands, sanitize everything and good luck!

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