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Thread: 6 Days of Joy Ended Suddenly

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Just wanted to say, its very mixed messaging. spending 5 days together and then not reaching out on the day of actual plans.

    Also know it is universally known that we are all connected to our phone 24/7. So even if she didnt leave a message, you can see she called. If you are on good/speaking terms, why wouldn't you call her back?

    Me and just every person I know calls and does not leave a message... we call each other back anyway. you know why? because we're friends, family, colleagues... we see our loved one called and we CALL BACK!

    GEEZ....

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    Just wanted to say, its very mixed messaging. spending 5 days together and then not reaching out on the day of actual plans.

    Also know it is universally known that we are all connected to our phone 24/7. So even if she didnt leave a message, you can see she called. If you are on good/speaking terms, why wouldn't you call her back?

    Me and just every person I know calls and does not leave a message... we call each other back anyway. you know why? because we're friends, family, colleagues... we see our loved one called and we CALL BACK!

    GEEZ....
    It's about 50/50 with me. Some people leave a message and some don't. In this case she had already left me voicemails. When I didn't get one this time I thought maybe she pocket-dialed me. But it turns out that my e-mail to her the day before was vague and she was a little annoyed. She has a good point and I apologized. In the future we won't leave messages and I will return her missed calls.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DenverDude
    It's about 50/50 with me. Some people leave a message and some don't. In this case she had already left me voicemails. When I didn't get one this time I thought maybe she pocket-dialed me. But it turns out that my e-mail to her the day before was vague and she was a little annoyed. She has a good point and I apologized. In the future we won't leave messages and I will return her missed calls.
    its a good policy, even if you text back to see if they called.

  4. #14
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    Last week was incredible - until Friday. We talked on the phone yesterday and she came over for a few glasses of wine last night and then went home (a block away). She said she was really tired. It was a 180 degree shift from last week, and I feel deflated. Things just didn't feel the same. She went from very hot to cold during our couple of days apart because of a miscommunication. It killed the deal and it's very unfortunate. I am not going to contact her again unless I hear from her. At this point it feels dead. I was very kind to her last night and upbeat, but I will give her time to think and breathe.
    Early in the game it's really easy to make a mistake. It's how it's handled that makes the difference. If it is a deal breaker for her, it wasn't meant to be.
    If I give her some space and I hear back from her, I would be happy. If I don't, I'll be bummed, but life goes on.
    Last edited by DenverDude; 03-16-2020 at 10:27 AM.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    While having wine, did she tell you, "I'm sorry to say, but the deal is killed due to all that miscommunication"? Or did she tell you she was tired, after some wine and chitchat?

    I ask because you seem wound a bit tight, needing only July 4th fireworks to unwind and relax. It was Sunday. There's a global health pandemic. And, yeah, you had a little hiccup on the communication front. So things were a bit more tepid—doesn't really have to be the biggest deal.

    And, again, unless she explicitly asked you not to contact her, do know you're doing the exact same thing, communication-wise, that got you to this uncomfortable place. You're backing off preemptively, and signaling to her that you're not interested.

  7. #16
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    You are right. The fact is that I am out of practice with this stuff and am a little off my game. I have to find a way to balance my interest with giving her the room she needs.
    She said she was tired even before she came over. The fireworks and joy can't continue forever, of course, but the abrupt turn is a little jarring. Hey, that might be normal.
    I have started watching Corey Wayne and have downloaded his e-book. I think he's great. I will learn from him how to fix what I am doing wrong and to treat her right. Or the next woman.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I don't know who Corey Wayne is, but I'd really suggest chilling out on that approach. You're already turning this into a game, which is the whole problem, so bringing in a new coach is just going to amp that up 10x.

    She is a person. You are a person. Be yourself, your authentic self, not some self molded to attract and accommodate her or "win" this game by creating fireworks. It might all work. It might not. That's the bottom line of dating, exploring things, and no internet expert can change the odds. People aren't prey, but just people, and all they want is to be treated as such.

    Inhale, exhale. Zoom out a bit and this "abrupt" turn isn't really so abrupt. Abrupt would be being ghosted. A woman you hardly know, and are vibing with, came over for some wine. Great. Three days ago you were driving 100 mph, now you're going 50—a fine speed for a journey. A safer speed, even. Respect the fact that maybe, just maybe, she is being safe, protecting herself a bit and, by extension, this little connection you've got going, you're both exploring.

    So let her know you had a nice time, would like to see her again, and ask when she's free. It's really that simple, since that is simply what you'd like: your authentic self. If she'd like the same thing, she will let you know. If not, she will also let you know. Both of those outcomes are equally okay.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Corey Wayne is a "dating coach" who has these methods he claims will attract women. They involve playing games and acting in an insincere manner.

    Please do not behave in an inauthentic way to try to attract women. Those tactics are transparent and no intelligent woman will be fooled.

  10. #19
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    OP, take your time getting to know a woman in the future.

    Every night together, immediately? That stuff hardly ever works out, because it's fueled on hormones with little solid basis to sustain anything deeper.

  11. #20
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    Thanks, all.
    Bluecastle - some good advice there. I don't want to play games and I don't want to do anything that's manipulative or dishonest. I will just be myself. With a good person and compatible that should always work.

    She sent me a nice e-mail yesterday morning and I responded. She then called me at night to come over, and I did. We had a wonderful time. We were in each other's arms all night.

    I sent her a quick e-mail this morning but haven't heard back (at's almost 5 PM). Part of me is insecure and a little worried, as I second guess the last time we were together, but I am going to relax and give her time to respond. Very natural.

    BTW, I have Corey's book and have watched a lot of his videos. I didn't get the impression that he was a little less than forthright with his approach. Good to know.

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