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Thread: Emotional support group Covid19

  1. #521
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    A little rif for the bf and I. Early days I was concerned but skeptical. My bf was more concerned than I was. As time goes on and the reality has set in, I am 110% on board and doing my part.

    I have chosen to not see my sons, seeing they are essential and still working with the public. I didn't realize when I made that decision it would create a dilemma for S and I in regards to his son. His son routinely comes by his house, along with his girlfriend. It's certainly his prerogative and he needs to do what feels right for him. I am quietly considering how I am going to handle now having made the decision to distance myself from my own family, up against the possibility of hanging out with his. His son and girlfriend are still working and being younger, aren't as cautious as those of us who have a few years on them.

    I typically spend the weekend at S's. I take note his son is calling incessantly.
    Now S has traded places with me. We go to the store and I am the one with the mask and gloves and in return S is rolling his eyes at me and scoffing the whole drill.

    I mention to him that my life has impacted in so many ways. I am stuck home alone staring at a laptop. I don't see my family and my job and savings are precarious. My anxiety is high which as triggered my eczema. My hands look like that of a burn victim.

    He on the other hand retired young and outside of not playing softball, this doesn't impact his life much. Beaches by our home aren't entirely closed. He could still surf. Though golf courses are closed, people are still golfing?? He's accustomed to home life and just got 3% cost of living increase on his handsome pension. This is nothing more than an inconvenience for him.

    I hadn't said a word about his son. Yet the tension built enough that he blurted out hostilely 'you don't want to be around my son!' Though there is some truth to that, I never asked him to not see his son.
    Anyway, long story short we cooled off for a day.

    I shared with him that I am only doing my part. It's the CDC's recommendation to wear masks and wash your hands. I am not making this stuff up. I can't justify altering my life to this extreme to undo everything just to spend the weekend at his house. It would be great if we were on the same page about this, but I respect that he sees it differently. (now)

    So basically I told him, 'you do you and I'll do me'. I would never ask you not to see your son or to wear a mask. But having said this it will put me in a position to make decisions accordingly.

    I guess I am mostly annoyed that he seemed to flip his position on this to suit the moment.

    He spent the day with his son yesterday and going forward I don't know what to expect. I guess we'll take it day by day.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 04-07-2020 at 11:46 AM.

  2. #522
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    A little rif for the bf and I. Early days I was concerned but skeptical. My bf was more concerned than I was. As time goes on and the reality has set in, I am 110% on board and doing my part.

    I have chosen to not see my sons, seeing they are essential and still working with the public. I didn't realize when I made that decision it would create a dilemma for S and I in regards to his son. His son routinely comes by his house, along with his girlfriend. It's certainly his prerogative and he needs to do what feels right for him. I am quietly considering how I am going to handle now having made the decision to distance myself from my own family, up against the possibility of hanging out with his. His son and girlfriend are still working and being younger, aren't as cautious as those of us who have a few years on them.

    I typically spend the weekend at S's. I take note his son is calling incessantly.
    Now S has traded places with me. We go to the store and I am the one with the mask and gloves and in return S is rolling his eyes at me and scoffing the whole drill.

    I mention to him that my life has impacted in so many ways. I am stuck home alone staring at a laptop. I don't see my family and my job and savings are precarious. My anxiety is high which as triggered my eczema. My hands look like that of a burn victim.

    He on the other hand retired young and outside of not playing softball, this doesn't impact his life much. Beaches by our home aren't entirely closed. He could still surf. Though golf courses are closed, people are still golfing?? He's accustomed to home life and just got 3% cost of living increase on his handsome pension. This is nothing more than an inconvenience for him.

    I hadn't said a word about his son. Yet the tension built enough that he blurted out hostilely 'you don't want to be around my son!' Though there is some truth to that, I never asked him to not see his son.
    Anyway, long story short we cooled off for a day.

    I shared with him that I am only doing my part. It's the CDC's recommendation to wear masks and wash your hands. I am not making this stuff up. I can't justify altering my life to this extreme to undo everything just to spend the weekend at his house. It would be great if we were on the same page about this, but I respect that he sees it differently. (now)

    So basically I told him, 'you do you and I'll do me'. I would never ask you not to see your son or to wear a mask. But having said this it will put me in a position to make decisions accordingly.

    I guess I am mostly annoyed that he seemed to flip his position on this to suit the moment.

    He spent the day with his son yesterday and going forward I don't know what to expect. I guess we'll take it day by day.
    In the uk we're not allowed to see anyone outside our household to spend time with.
    Now I'll be honest I did spend time with my mum and grandma at the weekend. I was the only person who could do a big essential shop for them as all mums friends are isolating and not even getting enough delivery for themselves, my mum can't get any delivery slots. So I did the big shop, and as it's 1.5hrs away and my grandma was begging to see me (she's well aware of the risks) against my better judgement I did spend some time there. I'll also potentially be taking my baby up when born as the only reason she's not given up the ghost yet is because she wants to meet this baby. But again it'll only be if she fully understands the risks.

    I refuse to see anyone else bar my partner and I've had most of my maternity appointments transferred to phone calls, bar scans. It's a tough time and we're both missing our families immensely, but it isn't only ourselves we put at risk if we visit, it's others at the hospital when I go for my scan tomorrow, it's anyone we come into contact with doing essential shopping, collecting prescriptions. I'm of the view, I've come into contact with everyone you've come into contact with (so the midwife and sonographer at hospital, I've come into contact with all their patients before me).. and I don't want to chance that spread.

  3. #523
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    A little rif for the bf and I. Early days I was concerned but skeptical. My bf was more concerned than I was. As time goes on and the reality has set in, I am 110% on board and doing my part.

    I have chosen to not see my sons, seeing they are essential and still working with the public. I didn't realize when I made that decision it would create a dilemma for S and I in regards to his son. His son routinely comes by his house, along with his girlfriend. It's certainly his prerogative and he needs to do what feels right for him. I am quietly considering how I am going to handle now having made the decision to distance myself from my own family, up against the possibility of hanging out with his. His son and girlfriend are still working and being younger, aren't as cautious as those of us who have a few years on them.

    I typically spend the weekend at S's. I take note his son is calling incessantly.
    Now S has traded places with me. We go to the store and I am the one with the mask and gloves and in return S is rolling his eyes at me and scoffing the whole drill.

    I mention to him that my life has impacted in so many ways. I am stuck home alone staring at a laptop. I don't see my family and my job and savings are precarious. My anxiety is high which as triggered my eczema. My hands look like that of a burn victim.

    He on the other hand retired young and outside of not playing softball, this doesn't impact his life much. Beaches by our home aren't entirely closed. He could still surf. Though golf courses are closed, people are still golfing?? He's accustomed to home life and just got 3% cost of living increase on his handsome pension. This is nothing more than an inconvenience for him.

    I hadn't said a word about his son. Yet the tension built enough that he blurted out hostilely 'you don't want to be around my son!' Though there is some truth to that, I never asked him to not see his son.
    Anyway, long story short we cooled off for a day.

    I shared with him that I am only doing my part. It's the CDC's recommendation to wear masks and wash your hands. I am not making this stuff up. I can't justify altering my life to this extreme to undo everything just to spend the weekend at his house. It would be great if we were on the same page about this, but I respect that he sees it differently. (now)

    So basically I told him, 'you do you and I'll do me'. I would never ask you not to see your son or to wear a mask. But having said this it will put me in a position to make decisions accordingly.

    I guess I am mostly annoyed that he seemed to flip his position on this to suit the moment.

    He spent the day with his son yesterday and going forward I don't know what to expect. I guess we'll take it day by day.
    I am so sorry. This is very stressful for all relationships no matter what they are. I know my husband is not as stringent as I am and balks at “ my rules” for re entering the house after someone has contact with the public. We have had our disagreements.

  4. #524
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    So I analogize your situation Reinvent to when my son was a newborn plus there was the H1N1 flu epidemic. I didn't care if people didn't approve of my hygiene or sanitary concerns or my rules restricting who could touch him, be in our home. His health came first. The end. My husband was less protective than me so there was some disagreement. Especially about his parents' access. We're far far more on the same page with this situation - I just had to tweak a few things -like he didn't realize he'd habitually touch his glasses after coming in from a walk or getting takeout.

    I think you and your health come first. Where I live we're not allowed really to have outside visitors either. We are not.

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  6. #525
    Forum Supporter Fudgie's Avatar
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    No outside visitors here either. It's just too risky. Many couples who don't live together are just acting like it's a temporary long distance situation for now. There are other ways to connect what would S say to that idea? Would he balk?

  7. #526
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Fudgie
    No outside visitors here either. It's just too risky. Many couples who don't live together are just acting like it's a temporary long distance situation for now. There are other ways to connect what would S say to that idea? Would he balk?
    Yes; my brother hasn’t seen his two kids who live their mom in a month or his girlfriend in a month.

  8. #527
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    I am literally losing my marbles waiting to apply for the CERB on Thursday .

  9. #528
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I really dont know what to expect now. I'm assuming he thought the compromise would be to spend the day with his son while we are apart.
    So I wrestle with the expectation for today. I do need to go into the office, alone today. The drive back I typically go to his home.
    Trying to imagine the conversation when he asks what time to expect me "so, did you and your son practice social distancing when he spent the day with you? Or do you think family members are immune to this?" (I won't say that exactly. It sounds snarky)
    Recalling his sons story of a meatloaf he made for his girlfriend, his roommate and his roommates friend on Sunday. These young people all coming and going who knows where.
    I don't like being in this situation
    I do know as much as it breaks my heart I wouldnt hang out with my own son for the day. How do I justify this?
    Saying 'see you in a month' isn't easy words to form.
    And I dont think he sees it coming at all.
    Not sure what hill I want to die on here.
    I'll know by the end of the day. .

  10. #529
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    It is going to challenge or destroy many relationships so sad. 😓

  11. #530
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I really dont know what to expect now. I'm assuming he thought the compromise would be to spend the day with his son while we are apart.
    So I wrestle with the expectation for today. I do need to go into the office, alone today. The drive back I typically go to his home.
    Trying to imagine the conversation when he asks what time to expect me "so, did you and your son practice social distancing when he spent the day with you? Or do you think family members are immune to this?" (I won't say that exactly. It sounds snarky)
    Recalling his sons story of a meatloaf he made for his girlfriend, his roommate and his roommates friend on Sunday. These young people all coming and going who knows where.
    I don't like being in this situation
    I do know as much as it breaks my heart I wouldnt hang out with my own son for the day. How do I justify this?
    Saying 'see you in a month' isn't easy words to form.
    And I dont think he sees it coming at all.
    Not sure what hill I want to die on here.
    I'll know by the end of the day. .
    I wouldn't interact with anyone who hadn't practiced social distancing. I had to have maintenance people in my house a few times. I know them. One at a time, they wear masks and gloves and foot coverings and stay far from me so I'm not as concerned about their outside lives (although I'm confident from what our building management tells us that they are being safe). By contrast I cancelled my cleaning people as of March 13 which is when the schools closed and our offices closed. Again that's me but I don't think S is on the same page as you and his son is certainly not practicing safe distancing and then is with S. Again just my humble opinion -I defer to you!

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