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Thread: Well, isn't really much, but I wanna know what you guys think :)

  1. #61

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    He kight just be very happy that he is with you and he sees you with him forever. I would just let him say those things. If it doesn't work out that's okay. It just seems like hes very excited being with you which makes him say such things. Don't think about it too hard though.

  2. #62

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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Of course, this is what you think which is fine. You just have to think how it will be received though. Whether you're dating or in a relationship, usually people want to feel special in your life no matter what the timeline is. When you said, "I love my best friend more than you do," it was inconsiderate, lacked tact, unkind, hurtful and unnecessary to blurt out. The outcome was not good and then it takes time to make amends later and recover. It's not worth it to hurt someone. Relationships or dating is smoother when you guard your words. Think before you speak, write or act. Don't always express how you feel unless you're willing to take the risk of hurting someone. Damage control later is a hassle and could've been prevented in the first place.
    Will keep that in mind, thanks :)

  3. #63

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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I think a conversation where three people are sitting around asking who loves who more is silly. That's not judgement, since being silly is fun, human. I'm 40, and sometimes I act like a 25 year old for a minute or two, because why not? I'm an advocate for silly, and occasional ambassador, and I get that means sometimes I'll slip on a self-created banana peel and take a lick. Y'all were 24, acting like 14 year olds. Happens. Kids get bruised at playtime.

    Could there have been a touch more tact? Yup. Always a good lesson to learn, so silly can just be silly, minus the sting. But do I also think dude is a bit insecure, and in the habit of building and testing your connection through (a) insecurity and (b) seeing if you can soothe it? Yup x 2.

    And that's something to monitor, since with some people the tests are endless because they're viewed, subconsciously, as affection. Examples of this are numerous. Some cliches: "Do I look fat in this dress?" "Did you really miss me?" "What are you thinking right now?" And so on. Insincere means of extracting sincere feeling where sincerity is always just out of reach.

    Another thing is to just be honest, with yourself, if you think the amount of "into you" inside him drastically exceeds the amount of "into him" inside you. You want things to feel balanced and equal inside a relationship, and while we can go down a laundry list of what that looks like, ultimately it's two people being, more or less, equally invested in the other, sincerely. Since there is no thermometer to ever gauge this, it kind of comes down to faith, a faith built and shared together by being together. Everyone's building materials will be a bit different.

    You, right now, may be in something of a bind, where maybe part of your brain goes: I'd be more into him if he just chilled, a bit. While his brain is going: I'd be more chilled if she was just a bit more into me. But since that's the nuclear stuff no one wants to talk about—serious tact required there—people create little proxy tests posing as silly games with friends.
    Exactly :)
    A silly moment was taken a little too seriously, which annoyed me a teensy bit, but also made me realize he could be genuinely insecure about how much I'm into him.
    Maybe I should express myself more often...

  4. #64

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    Originally Posted by tacos123
    He kight just be very happy that he is with you and he sees you with him forever. I would just let him say those things. If it doesn't work out that's okay. It just seems like hes very excited being with you which makes him say such things. Don't think about it too hard though.
    huh, maybe I am overthinking it
    thank you :)

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  6. #65

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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Nonetheless, OP, tbh herself admitted that what she said to him was a hurtful comment which was unnecessary. No one wants to be told: "I love my best friend more than you."
    It was definitely not intended to be hurtful.
    Just said it lightly and meant no harm, so I was kind of taken aback when he did take it to heart...

  7. #66
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    If they had been dating longer than two months, I would agree.
    Anytime, anyone says words such as "I love my best friend more than you," it makes the person listening to this statement feel hurt or offended which is not good. Tact is important.

    I've had people in my life whether I had known them for a short time, medium time or long time say comments which were unkind, inconsiderate and unnecessary. It rubs people the wrong way which is the problem. Saying certain statements are not received well which isn't rocket science. Comments like that sound either hurtful or rude.

    Even if anyone were to say to me: "I love or like my best friend more than you," how would that make me feel? Not good. Ouch. That stings.

  8. #67
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by tbh
    It was definitely not intended to be hurtful.
    Just said it lightly and meant no harm, so I was kind of taken aback when he did take it to heart...
    Even if it wasn't your intent, the problem is, once people or the guy in your case, discovers how you really feel about them or him, it hurts to be talked to that way.

    It's like saying to a friend, for example: "I like or love my best friend more than you." Or, siblings (sister or brother): "I love or like Suzie or Billy more than you." It just doesn't sound right and comes out of the mouth all wrong.

    I'm not surprised in the least whoever hears a statement like that considers it an affront. The reason is because comments like that are inappropriate. When you think of certain strong opinions, you have to ask yourself first: "Should I say it? Or, is it better to use wise judgement and refrain from saying something unkind, inconsiderate and sometimes rude?" If you say it, then you'll have to deal with harsh reactions, possibly do damage control or end up with an argument on your hands. Then you'll know it wasn't worth it. Or, exercise discretion and yes, it's ok to think it but don't say it. Keep the peace by choosing your words wisely. Guard your words and you'll thank yourself later. You'll have less consequences and regrets this way.

    Even though you said it lightly and meant no harm, think how the other person feels when talked to this way. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if tables were turned and someone told you that they preferred to love their best friend more than you. You wouldn't like it either. Put yourself in other people's shoes. It's called empathy and possessing emotional intelligence (feeling other people's feelings).

  9. #68

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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Even if it wasn't your intent, the problem is, once people or the guy in your case, discovers how you really feel about them or him, it hurts to be talked to that way.

    It's like saying to a friend, for example: "I like or love my best friend more than you." Or, siblings (sister or brother): "I love or like Suzie or Billy more than you." It just doesn't sound right and comes out of the mouth all wrong.

    I'm not surprised in the least whoever hears a statement like that considers it an affront. The reason is because comments like that are inappropriate. When you think of certain strong opinions, you have to ask yourself first: "Should I say it? Or, is it better to use wise judgement and refrain from saying something unkind, inconsiderate and sometimes rude?" If you say it, then you'll have to deal with harsh reactions, possibly do damage control or end up with an argument on your hands. Then you'll know it wasn't worth it. Or, exercise discretion and yes, it's ok to think it but don't say it. Keep the peace by choosing your words wisely. Guard your words and you'll thank yourself later. You'll have less consequences and regrets this way.

    Even though you said it lightly and meant no harm, think how the other person feels when talked to this way. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if tables were turned and someone told you that they preferred to love their best friend more than you. You wouldn't like it either. Put yourself in other people's shoes. It's called empathy and possessing emotional intelligence (feeling other people's feelings).
    Be a little more considerate while dealing with people- lesson learnt :)
    thanks for helping me understand how he felt

  10. #69
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Anytime, anyone says words such as "I love my best friend more than you," it makes the person listening to this statement feel hurt or offended which is not good. Tact is important.

    I've had people in my life whether I had known them for a short time, medium time or long time say comments which were unkind, inconsiderate and unnecessary. It rubs people the wrong way which is the problem. Saying certain statements are not received well which isn't rocket science. Comments like that sound either hurtful or rude.

    Even if anyone were to say to me: "I love or like my best friend more than you," how would that make me feel? Not good. Ouch. That stings.
    Personally, I think he baited her. I would not expect a bf of two months to love me, and certainly not love me more than his bf.

    I respect your position, we simply see this differently.

  11. #70
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    Originally Posted by tbh
    Be a little more considerate while dealing with people- lesson learnt :)
    thanks for helping me understand how he felt
    He will pull something like this again.

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