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Thread: Well, isn't really much, but I wanna know what you guys think :)

  1. #51
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    They have only been dating a couple of months, though.
    It doesn't matter if they've only been dating a couple of months. The "I love my best friend more than you" comment was very unnecessary and all it did was cause him to get hurt. Was it worth it? I don't think so.

  2. #52
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by tbh
    Of course, it makes sense how he would feel, but how does he expect me to love him more just a few months into our relationship?
    I've known my best friend for around 7 years.
    Of course, this is what you think which is fine. You just have to think how it will be received though. Whether you're dating or in a relationship, usually people want to feel special in your life no matter what the timeline is. When you said, "I love my best friend more than you do," it was inconsiderate, lacked tact, unkind, hurtful and unnecessary to blurt out. The outcome was not good and then it takes time to make amends later and recover. It's not worth it to hurt someone. Relationships or dating is smoother when you guard your words. Think before you speak, write or act. Don't always express how you feel unless you're willing to take the risk of hurting someone. Damage control later is a hassle and could've been prevented in the first place.

  3. 03-15-2020, 04:23 AM

  4. #53
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    It doesn't matter if they've only been dating a couple of months. The "I love my best friend more than you" comment was very unnecessary and all it did was cause him to get hurt. Was it worth it? I don't think so.
    I think he is being silly. It was a dumb question to ask, and he should not have put her in that position.

  5. #54
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I think a conversation where three people are sitting around asking who loves who more is silly. That's not judgement, since being silly is fun, human. I'm 40, and sometimes I act like a 25 year old for a minute or two, because why not? I'm an advocate for silly, and occasional ambassador, and I get that means sometimes I'll slip on a self-created banana peel and take a lick. Y'all were 24, acting like 14 year olds. Happens. Kids get bruised at playtime.

    Could there have been a touch more tact? Yup. Always a good lesson to learn, so silly can just be silly, minus the sting. But do I also think dude is a bit insecure, and in the habit of building and testing your connection through (a) insecurity and (b) seeing if you can soothe it? Yup x 2.

    And that's something to monitor, since with some people the tests are endless because they're viewed, subconsciously, as affection. Examples of this are numerous. Some cliches: "Do I look fat in this dress?" "Did you really miss me?" "What are you thinking right now?" And so on. Insincere means of extracting sincere feeling where sincerity is always just out of reach.

    Another thing is to just be honest, with yourself, if you think the amount of "into you" inside him drastically exceeds the amount of "into him" inside you. You want things to feel balanced and equal inside a relationship, and while we can go down a laundry list of what that looks like, ultimately it's two people being, more or less, equally invested in the other, sincerely. Since there is no thermometer to ever gauge this, it kind of comes down to faith, a faith built and shared together by being together. Everyone's building materials will be a bit different.

    You, right now, may be in something of a bind, where maybe part of your brain goes: I'd be more into him if he just chilled, a bit. While his brain is going: I'd be more chilled if she was just a bit more into me. But since that's the nuclear stuff no one wants to talk about—serious tact required there—people create little proxy tests posing as silly games with friends.

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  7. #55
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I think a conversation where three people are sitting around asking who loves who more is silly. That's not judgement, since being silly is fun, human. I'm 40, and sometimes I act like a 25 year old for a minute or two, because why not? I'm an advocate for silly, and occasional ambassador, and I get that means sometimes I'll slip on a self-created banana peel and take a lick. Y'all were 24, acting like 14 year olds. Happens. Kids get bruised at playtime.

    Could there have been a touch more tact? Yup. Always a good lesson to learn, so silly can just be silly, minus the sting. But do I also think dude is a bit insecure, and in the habit of building and testing your connection through (a) insecurity and (b) seeing if you can soothe it? Yup x 2.

    And that's something to monitor, since with some people the tests are endless because they're viewed, subconsciously, as affection. Examples of this are numerous. Some cliches: "Do I look fat in this dress?" "Did you really miss me?" "What are you thinking right now?" And so on. Insincere means of extracting sincere feeling where sincerity is always just out of reach.

    Another thing is to just be honest, with yourself, if you think the amount of "into you" inside him drastically exceeds the amount of "into him" inside you. You want things to feel balanced and equal inside a relationship, and while we can go down a laundry list of what that looks like, ultimately it's two people being, more or less, equally invested in the other, sincerely. Since there is no thermometer to ever gauge this, it kind of comes down to faith, a faith built and shared together by being together. Everyone's building materials will be a bit different.

    You, right now, may be in something of a bind, where maybe part of your brain goes: I'd be more into him if he just chilled, a bit. While his brain is going: I'd be more chilled if she was just a bit more into me. But since that's the nuclear stuff no one wants to talk about—serious tact required there—people create little proxy tests posing as silly games with friends.
    Responded to the wrong post.

  8. #56
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    TBH, do you know the dynamic of his previous relationships?

  9. #57
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    I believe this is his first. Hence his intenseness.

  10. #58
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    I believe this is his first. Hence his intenseness.
    Thanks. I missed that.

  11. #59
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I think he is being silly. It was a dumb question to ask, and he should not have put her in that position.
    Nonetheless, OP, tbh herself admitted that what she said to him was a hurtful comment which was unnecessary. No one wants to be told: "I love my best friend more than you."

  12. #60
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Nonetheless, OP, tbh herself admitted that what she said to him was a hurtful comment which was unnecessary. No one wants to be told: "I love my best friend more than you."
    If they had been dating longer than two months, I would agree.

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