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Thread: Well, isn't really much, but I wanna know what you guys think :)

  1. #21
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Welcome to ENA. Hope you stick around.

    The tricky thing about taking about this stuff is trying to find a way to not put it terms of, "Hey, I think you're getting your hopes up here and soaring a little high and fast." That's going to be a blow to even the most secure person on the planet, you know, since the rough translation is basically: "Hey, I like you, but not as much as you like me, so maybe you can take this here chill pill?"

    So perhaps think about putting it in terms of how you operate—your emotional operating system—so you can see if someone hears you, and how they go about the business of hearing you, if that makes sense. Which, yeah, might be tough here, since you two have already established one dynamic. Ugh, as the experts put it.

    If you'll indulge some philosophizing, a good while back, when I was around your age, I read Rilke and loved the way he wrote about, well, love. Example: “We need, in love, to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily; we do not need to learn it.” Another: “The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development."

    Those have been little guides for me, since they're kind of built around the idea that loving another person is about loving all you can't understand: the unknowns, not the knowns, and giving their singular unknowns room to breathe and flourish. I've found that expressing some of that in my own way as helped me find people who "get it," as I need it to be gotten, rather than going about the business of trying to force someone who gets it in a different way to come around to mine. They deserve, of course, to be "gotten" by the right person too, in whatever form that means for them at any given moment in their life.

  2. #22
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    I am a bit confused. "He didn't mind then, but a few days later, he tells me that he's hurt."

  3. #23

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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Welcome to ENA. Hope you stick around.
    Those have been little guides for me, since they're kind of built around the idea that loving another person is about loving all you can't understand: the unknowns, not the knowns, and giving their singular unknowns room to breathe and flourish. I've found that expressing some of that in my own way as helped me find people who "get it," as I need it to be gotten, rather than going about the business of trying to force someone who gets it in a different way to come around to mine. They deserve, of course, to be "gotten" by the right person too, in whatever form that means for them at any given moment in their life.
    heyyy i sense great wisdom there XD
    thank you so much for taking all that time to say that though
    I highly appreciate it :)

  4. #24

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I am a bit confused. "He didn't mind then, but a few days later, he tells me that he's hurt."
    I meant that he didn't really react then but it might've been on his mind, so when we were talking about something he just told me that he was hurt by it.

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  6. #25
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    What was he hurt by?

  7. #26

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    What was he hurt by?
    apparently by me saying that I loved my friend more than him

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by tbh
    apparently by me saying that I loved my friend more than him
    How did that conversation even start, exactly?

  9. #28

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    Frankly, I don't remember.
    The friend in question and him were both joke-fighting over me and asked me who I loved more.
    At the end we settled on equal love thoo xp so it didn't really go further.

  10. #29
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    Why was there even such a comparison made? Because he asked? You never have to answer a question -listen to or read the lyrics to We Have No Secrets by Carly Simon. He doesn't sound so great -he sounds like he is infatuated and in love with love and trying to control in part to keep that feeling going.

    I'm much older than you but when I was in my 20s I met a guy at a dance. Really nice articulate guy. We talked all evening. He called me two days later since we'd discussed going on a date. One of the first things he said was "Hi honey, how was your day???". I felt nauseous. A person I met once addressing me as if I were his wife. Alarm bells went off but I saw him two more times. Once for dinner and then I invited him out with another couple -my friends - because I wanted to get their take on him. He was gushy around me and they ate it up. I didn't. He also claimed he wanted to go to medical school then admitted he said so so I'd be impressed. So that was it. He was shocked I wasn't interested in seeing him again. It was obvious he was over the moon with the idea of having a girlfriend and I was the fill in warm body. Your story reminds me of this guy and that whole mindset. I'd run.

  11. #30
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    When did he proclaim his love for you? How old is he?

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