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Thread: Well, isn't really much, but I wanna know what you guys think :)

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree it sounds like irritating fluff and faux future-talk. It could be manipulative because he thinks saccharine words will impress you. You need to immediately redirect to reality such "as we'll cross that bridge when we are officially engaged".

    However it seems like a yellow flag. It's a bit possessive and frankly all about him. Listen to your instincts on this and reflect on your gut reaction to it.
    Originally Posted by tbh
    He's always going on about how we're going to be together all our lives, and is very specific about him being my priority (which he kinda is)For example, once, he got really upset when i said that i loved my best friend more than him and we fought about it.I was really irritated at how immature he was being.

  2. #12

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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Is your best friend a man or a woman? Just curious. Also curious to know how something like that even comes up in conversation, meaning why you're both putting "love" in the context of ratings. Yes, his response is immature, but so is the whole framework in which it was expressed.

    Per my earlier post: Do you talk to him about your feelings about all this?
    My best friend is a woman.
    He knows perfectly well I don't have any romantic intentions with her, and that I'm straight.
    Which just adds up to the immaturity of it all.
    Nah, actually I said it for fun when we were all hanging out with a group of our close friends. He didn't mind then, but a few days later, he tells me that he's hurt.
    I didn't think he'd take a passing comment seriously.

  3. #13

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Agree it sounds like irritating fluff and faux future-talk. It could be manipulative because he thinks saccharine words will impress you. You need to immediately redirect to reality such "as we'll cross that bridge when we are officially engaged".

    However it seems like a yellow flag. It's a bit possessive and frankly all about him. Listen to your instincts on this and reflect on your gut reaction to it.
    I thought so too, but knowing him, it's just him being childish over something stupid.
    I thought of it as a rather dramatic gesture for my attention, but talking it out with him frankly surprised and annoyed me as I realised he was being a little too serious about it.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by tbh
    My best friend is a woman.
    He knows perfectly well I don't have any romantic intentions with her, and that I'm straight.
    Which just adds up to the immaturity of it all.
    Nah, actually I said it for fun when we were all hanging out with a group of our close friends. He didn't mind then, but a few days later, he tells me that he's hurt.
    I didn't think he'd take a passing comment seriously.
    Hmmmm.

    Well, I guess it kind of comes down to both your patience and whether this is something you want to exploreómeaning seeing if you can come to see a bit more eye to eye, or if you just need more of the eye-to-eye, on this front, to be in it, to surrender more fully.

    Thing about dynamics like this? Part of it could also be that he is overcompensating, because he senses, on some level, that you're just not quite as "into" it as he is. This happens, in various ways, even among the most mature and enlightened. Gets weird.

    Some people have an endless, unquenchable thirst for "into," meaning they need to know, 24/7, that their partner is super duper into them. I personally label that as immature, unrealistic, and extension of insecurity. But people do make whole marriages out of that, and happy ones. Ultimately, you're the only one who can decide if this works, or doesn't, for you.

    I have found myself in the position, more often than I'd like, of having to be the one who "tempers" the lofty enthusiasm, who keeps the collective four feet of a romantic union on the ground while the heads float into the clouds. Learned that doesn't work for me, since I'm not a robot and want to feel all the sparkly, rosy things alongside someone. For me to go there, however, I need someone with feet on the ground. That's what I'm "into," far more than someone being into me in a looney tunes way.

    Maybe you're learning something similar in yourself, or maybe not. Time, and your gut, will let you know.

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  6. #15
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    Sounds controlling and insecure. It seems that he may be trying to isolate you. Also, a few months in and saying you will be forever is a huge turnoff.

    Does this guy have any friends? How old is he?

  7. #16

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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Thing about dynamics like this? Part of it could also be that he is overcompensating, because he senses, on some level, that you're just not quite as "into" it as he is. This happens, in various ways, even among the most mature and enlightened. Gets weird.

    Some people have an endless, unquenchable thirst for "into," meaning they need to know, 24/7, that their partner is super duper into them. I personally label that as immature, unrealistic, and extension of insecurity. But people do make whole marriages out of that, and happy ones. Ultimately, you're the only one who can decide if this works, or doesn't, for you.

    I have found myself in the position, more often than I'd like, of having to be the one who "tempers" the lofty enthusiasm, who keeps the collective four feet of a romantic union on the ground while the heads float into the clouds. Learned that doesn't work for me, since I'm not a robot and want to feel all the sparkly, rosy things alongside someone. For me to go there, however, I need someone with feet on the ground. That's what I'm "into," far more than someone being into me in a looney tunes way.

    Maybe you're learning something similar in yourself, or maybe not. Time, and your gut, will let you know.
    I really empathize with you, because that's pretty much my position here :))

    But I try to tell him how I feel too, about him getting his hopes up and soaring, and he seems to understand. Some part of me says that this might become an issue, but well, so far, so good except for his being immature and childish

  8. #17

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Sounds controlling and insecure. It seems that he may be trying to isolate you. Also, a few months in and saying you will be forever is a huge turnoff.

    Does this guy have any friends? How old is he?
    He does have friends, and I've known him for a while before we began going out, actually.
    He's just being a little clingy and whiny. Basically a 'big kid' about this whole thing

  9. #18

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    And hey guys, this is my first time asking for advice on eNotAlone and all of the replies feel honest and unbiased altogether
    Thanks a lot for the advice :))

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by tbh
    And hey guys, this is my first time asking for advice on eNotAlone and all of the replies feel honest and unbiased altogether
    Thanks a lot for the advice :))
    Does he want you to stop hanging out with friends? Does he make you feel guilty?

  11. #20

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Does he want you to stop hanging out with friends? Does he make you feel guilty?
    Nahh
    He actually encourages me being with them and stuff and is nice and polite to them too
    This sort of thing has never really happened before

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