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Thread: Is he using his profile picture to send a message to me?

  1. #1
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    Is he using his profile picture to send a message to me?

    Hi all, not sure where to start but I'll try to give a quick recap.

    I recently connected with my first love after having been apart for more than 10 years. We are both going through divorces. We met in college, and it was a pretty toxic dynamic for 4 years due to immaturity I guess on both of our parts. I eventually left him when I met my husband (the guy I am currently getting a divorce from).

    My first love and I reconnected via Facebook in September and for lack of a better term, began hooking up. We never talked about the past, never talked about any feelings we had. We literally just hooked up a handful of times, but then I got attached.

    After 5 months of hooking up, I told him how I felt about him, how I always felt about him. I told him I loved him, that he was my first love, my first everything. I said I wanted more - all in or nothing. He said he just wanted to be single, he was hurt from his wife, and that he wanted me to remain in his life as a good friend. He was very mean in this exchange (we were texting via Facebook messenger) and I suspect he had several other girls in rotation. Essentially I poured my heart out to him and he made me feel worthless and crazy. I wasn't really pestering him or begging and pleading - I just told him that I never stopped loving him. He never has stated how he felt about me then or now, and he ended up blocking me for about a week.

    A week goes by, and I noticed he unblocked me. I was so hurt by our last exchange that I felt I had no choice but to block him back to prevent any further communication.

    It's been a month since we last spoke. I have had him blocked for almost 4 weeks now. Curiosity got the best of me, and I decided to log into a dummy Facebook account the other night and snoop on his profile. I noticed he changed his profile picture (he never changes it) to him standing next to a sign at a ski slope that says "Experts Only". The thing with this sign though, is it has a skull and crossbones.

    I am a heavy metal freak and I am obsessed with skulls. I have a skull grill plate for my Wrangler. I wear skulls on my socks, on my shirts, on my purses. When I say I am skull obsessed I mean I own literally anything with a skull on it. When we were hooking up, he ended up getting a skull tattoo on his forearm, and he started playing guitar (I have been playing for 20 years). He was never into skulls or guitars until we reconnected.

    I guess my question is this: Is he using his profile picture with the skull to somehow send a message to me or is this just me being crazy and hopeful? For what it's worth, I have 100% accepted that whatever relationship we had is over, and I am not interested in being friends with him (at least not right now).

    Thank you for reading.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CinnamonGoil
    I guess my question is this: Is he using his profile picture with the skull to somehow send a message to me or is this just me being crazy and hopeful? For what it's worth, I have 100% accepted that whatever relationship we had is over, and I am not interested in being friends with him (at least not right now).
    I get you are disappointed and when these things happen we tend to reach for signs and try to find meaning between the tea leaves.

    This one is a stretch, but for arguments sake, lets say it's a sign. Given everything that has been clearly laid on the table between you two, anything less than him standing on your door step wanting to talk to you about where to two go forward from here is just noise.

    And no, you aren't 100% over it, or you wouldn't have snooped, you wouldn't be looking for signs and you wouldn't be here asking us. It's ok. Just be honest with yourself.
    Hang in there.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CinnamonGoil
    I guess my question is this: Is he using his profile picture with the skull to somehow send a message to me or is this just me being crazy and hopeful? For what it's worth, I have 100% accepted that whatever relationship we had is over, and I am not interested in being friends with him (at least not right now).
    Well, I guess my answer is: Does it matter? If you have "100% accepted" that what you had is over, what is the difference in this being a subliminal sign from him or a sign that you remain "crazy" hopeful?

    I know this is a hard moment, so I don't mean to jab, just giving you an honest answer. More honesty? You are an adult, still reeling from a divorce, and while I get that this high school reunion offered a dash of comfort from that, I'd take a moment right now to ask yourself who do you want to be, moving forward.

    Is it a woman who is logging onto a dummy Facebook account, looking at a photo like this, and trying to see...well, what? All the things you're looking for (sign from him, sign that you're crazy) are not exactly nourishment. You just ended a marriage, so you now have ample experience in knowing what works and what doesn't in romance. Do you think what you're devoting your romantic energy to right now is the path to salvation or more of the same? If the answer is more of the same, then you know which way to move your feet: away from all this, into the future rather than back into past toxicity.

    In your shoes, I would see this whole chapter—reaching out to a toxic love from adolescence, hooking up, trying to jump into a relationship while the embers of two marriages are still dying out—as a sign that it's time to sit still for a minute. I've had some of those moments myself, on the heels of similar dramatics, so do know I'm not judging. Feel what you need to feel, mourn what you need to mourn, thrash on the guitar and bang the head around in some mosh pits. Take care of the divorce. Inhale, exhale. Then, when all that smoke as cleared—and it will, if you allow it—you will find yourself in a state of mind and heart where you are open and ready for the sort of connections you have sought but, perhaps, have yet to experience.

    That's solid gold on the horizon, right there. I say walk toward it.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I think you are really reaching pretty far trying to read something into this.

    Are you crazy? No. However, I think you do need to take a moment to acknowledge that you are trying to plug a hole the divorce is causing and it's causing you to make some really poor choices, like hooking up with a toxic ex from the past and then developing an attachment to him and pouring those feelings out to him. Definitely do yourself a huge favor and just take a huge step back - deal with the divorce, deal with those feelings, face them head on and walk away knowing that you are strong enough to handle your life on your own. That you don't need some guy to prop you up. That's something that will give you a lot of power and set you up for a better future and healthier relationships.

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    You're reading too much into it, OP.

    He's been clear he doesn't have the same feelings for you. That's all that matters. Unless he comes to you and says he wants to be with you, the rest is meaningless.

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I get you are disappointed and when these things happen we tend to reach for signs and try to find meaning between the tea leaves.

    This one is a stretch, but for arguments sake, lets say it's a sign. Given everything that has been clearly laid on the table between you two, anything less than him standing on your door step wanting to talk to you about where to two go forward from here is just noise.

    And no, you aren't 100% over it, or you wouldn't have snooped, you wouldn't be looking for signs and you wouldn't be here asking us. It's ok. Just be honest with yourself.
    Hang in there.
    Thank you for your response - I am not 100% over it, I 100% recognize there is no way that we will be together.

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    Originally Posted by CinnamonGoil
    He said he just wanted to be single, he was hurt from his wife
    What he said is what he means. It doesn't matter if he misses his booty call. You are all that, and a bag of chips, and shouldn't settle for scraps. He knows where you live, and can get in touch. Keep blocking him. 4 years of a crappy relationship doesn't suddenly become great even with maturity.

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    Social media is a digitally generated illusion. It can be easy to get wrapped up in if you look at or think about it too much. The picture your ex posted is just that. It has no special significance. Any meaning you assign to it is strictly a product of your own perception. I think you should take it as a sign however of the things you need to let go of.

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    @tattoobunny LOL thank you for this. This comment made me LOL. I actually am all that and he's really not that great. But he was my first and I keep holding on to that nugget. My ego is very bruised. A bit narcissistic on my end...and I'm not really bent out of shape about the whole thing. Honestly have not shed a tear. I'm just kind of bummed and confused that he doesn't want me considering what a catch I am. Haha.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CinnamonGoil
    I'm just kind of bummed and confused that he doesn't want me considering what a catch I am. Haha.
    Good for you. Just know all those messy feelings are normal.
    And then. . . . . . they pass.

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