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Thread: Is bad drunk/high behavior a fair judge of character?

  1. #1
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    Is bad drunk/high behavior a fair judge of character?

    I met a girl at school (12th grade highschool) who was very studious and seemed a little shy. She was really cute and I was really into her. I got to know her a lot, so I asked her out. unfortunately I got rejected, she said that she didnt want anything serious due to school (we graduate in a few months) so I understood, and moved on. Moving on at first was hard, but it all changed one night when I went to a small party.

    It was one of my friends parties, ~25 people, lights on, nothing crazy. She was there, but didnt talk to me or even greet me. About halfway through the party I was pretty drunk and was sitting on a couch next to one of my friends. She walked over, and straddles my friend beside me mid conversation. She was clearly drunk/high, she started saying that she wants to have sex with him, and talked about the last time they had sex. This made me feel disgusted, and made moving on way easier. How is it that the most innocent looking girls can act like this while drunk/high? Is it unfair of me to pity her, and to completely ignore and avoid her? After that happened she stared at me in all my classes, sometimes for 5-6 seconds (not exaggerating) while I totally ignore her.

    I am asking this to help me learn how to be aware of this in the future. Is it normal for girls my age (18) to act like this? Is alcohol/drugs an excuse ? Or is it fair to say that this is unusual behavior and that she is evil. If so, what are some signs I can look for so I dont fall for people like this who just leave me disappointed.

    I notice this in a lot of girls my age, and it seriously makes me question having children in the future.

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    To be honest I feel like you're just feeling bitter and annoyed towards that girl because she rejected you. Yes in my experience getting drunk (not necessarily high but that too) is normal for teenagers. If she's 18 then that's even the legal age of drinking and buying cigarettes in a lot of countries. Here in Australia you are a fully legal adult at 18. You can legally smoke, drink, vote, have sex, you name it.

    Really it's not your place to care who that girl is having sex with or what she's doing at the party. You never even dated and it's not really any of your business if she's having sex with another guy. She's an adult at 18 so she can do whatever she wants and it's not your concern. Sounds like all this is coming from the fact that she rejected you. Not being interested in you romantically doesn't make someone evil.

    If you're against drinking, getting high and sex then that's your choice. But most people are fine at least with sex and drinking and it doesn't make someone bad. Besides, this is at a party. I sometimes get drunk and very occasionally high at parties. But I never get high outside of that. So it's also the kind of environment where people do those things. It's very normal for young people to try to have a good time at parties. If you don't like it then don't go to parties. Besides, you were really drunk yourself so it's not like you were a saint...

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    She sounds immature and so are you. Boys can act equally "badly", yet I don't see you complaining about their "innocence". You were drunk too and your friend has had sex with her, yet she is the only one to get criticized for absence of "innocence"? Double standards much?

    Basically, you are feeling hurt that she liked your friend over you. Yet, that doesn't make her evil. Getting drunk in a party is not unusual. However, it can get dangerous if done to the point of losing control. Getting high like that sounds dangerous too plus it is illegal. If your value system is different then you should indeed avoid people who choose to be dumb like that. Disclosing her sex life in public was also dumb but alcohol abuse combined with immaturity do lead to dumb behavior for girls and boys alike.

    Yes, her behavior doesn't sound very bright at this point in her life, so you are probably not missing out on someone special. The same would apply if it had been a guy behaving like that. You need to get off your high horse. Branding people as "evil" because they don't behave to your liking and standards is immature and if taken to extremes it can lead you to sexism, racism and all kinds of other evil ####-isms. Life is not black and white and most behaviors lie on a spectrum. Most people also evolve as they grow up.

    She is not evil. She is just immature, same as you, and not into you which you now know so you can move on. In a way, what happened was good because you can now stop wasting your time crushing on someone who is not into you nor right for you. You got your answer and that's good. Time to get to know new girls and learn to be more lenient with people.

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    She wasnít interested in you, rejected you which she is entitled to do for her own reasons. Whether the reason she gave you was true or not. It is irrelevant. Itís not personal to you.
    What is relevant is that you have judged her for getting drunk , but so were you.

    The only learning experience you should want to gain from this has nothing to do with her and all to do with you.
    Why are you taking rejection so personally and magnified? Itís not even about you!?

    And why pretend you got over her rejection when you clearly didnít? So much so that you needed to post about the first social encounter since then?

    You donít need to learn anything about others , you need to learn about yourself. Reasonable expectations and understand that rejection is much more frequent than acceptance and thatís ok !

    When you reject someone , they will be ok too! Thatís life!

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    OP, she isn't evil. That is a real stretch, but I know it's coming from a place of hurt.

    She's immature and lacks boundaries while under influence. If memory serves, many people around that age are similar when they've had one too many. Girls and guys, with the latter often engaging in equally risky or even dangerous behaviour. I can't tell you how many times I saw young kids do crazy things you'd never imagine them doing when they were in their right mind. Is it wise? Well, no, of course not. Is it unusual? Not by a long shot.

    To leap from this one incident and some immature drunken behavior to question having children is also a complete overreaction on your part, which emphasizes your own lack of maturity as well. You're not yet able to untangle logic from emotion, and zoom out to see the bigger picture. You will, as you get older and have more experiences under your own belt too.

    For now, maybe limit how much you go to parties. It's perfectly okay if you don't like drinking or taking drugs, but it might be better for you not to be around people who are using because it's evidently a significant emotional trigger for you. You don't need to create undue stress for yourself.

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    If you hadn't have gone to that party you would likely still think her cute and innocent. A high percentage of young people will go to parties and get drunk, have sex etc. They will do all sorts of other things that people tend to grow out of as they mature and find other priorities in life. It doesn't make them evil and whenever you meet someone you can't know that they have not done these things. If you aren't happy with the antics of partying girls then don't go to parties and judge their behaviour. Some girls aren't into partying and you might be better matched (although if they apply the same standard to you that you have applied to that girl then you'll be deemed evil too).

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    Originally Posted by poorlittlefish
    If you hadn't have gone to that party you would likely still think her cute and innocent. A high percentage of young people will go to parties and get drunk, have sex etc. They will do all sorts of other things that people tend to grow out of as they mature and find other priorities in life. It doesn't make them evil and whenever you meet someone you can't know that they have not done these things. If you aren't happy with the antics of partying girls then don't go to parties and judge their behaviour. Some girls aren't into partying and you might be better matched (although if they apply the same standard to you that you have applied to that girl then you'll be deemed evil too).
    Also I'm not sure if anyone has missed this, but OP has said this: "About halfway through the party I was pretty drunk and was sitting on a couch next to one of my friends." So HE was pretty drunk! That doesn't really give him the right to judge the behaviour of someone who's also drunk. Also I don't even see what the girl did wrong or displayed bad character. She just sat on the lap of a guy she's hooking up with, who is OP's friend. They both mentioned they've had sex before, so obviously the guy was acting consensual about it. From that perspective she did nothing wrong or acted inappropriate because she's having sex with this guy. She's a single girl who is a legal adult and she's allowed to have sex with whoever she wants. OK, so maybe she's not shy and innocent like OP thought she was, but she doesn't have to be what he wants her to be. She's her own person and she can do as she likes.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You have a right to your opinion and if you lose respect because she acted like a drunken ass, that's fine. Why not date girls who you get to know, like and respect?
    Originally Posted by hide
    She walked over, and straddles my friend beside me mid conversation. She was clearly drunk/high, she started saying that she wants to have sex with him, and talked about the last time they had sex. This made me feel disgusted, and made moving on way easier. .

  10. #9
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    A lot of teenagers irregardless of gender act like this at some point.

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    Dude don't ever let this incident reflect what all women are like or going to be like this as a whole for the rest of your life. TBH high school parties, college parties are going to be like this because it's just a right of passage. It's good that they are exploring their sexuality, their independence and figuring out life. It's what kids like yourself do at this age. What you should take away from this is that, at 18 no one is mature enough to have a committed relationship that leads to marriage and children a few years down the road. You, her, your friend, classmates need to go sow your wild oats. Enjoy your youth. By the age of 25, everyone has stopped developing mentally and will have put all those wild days behind them as they focus on their future. Priorities change, people grow up.
    My perspective: she doesn't want a BF or date anyone and she was very honest about that. I think she pulled that stunt to make sure you forgot about you. Why she is looking at you? Probably she can tell you have so much contempt for her that she is wondering why. Go ahead on be turned off by her, you dodged a bullet, but don't let this get under your skin. You shouldn't even have a second thought about her, and just move on.
    How to manage this in the furture? That's what dating is all anbout. You go out on dates, hangout, party, and see how they treat you, behave, and get to know them. If there are things you don't like, you simply stop seeing them, move onto the next. That is the process of finding your future wife. And along the way learn things about yourself. Is it going to suck? Oh sure there will be times like that, but it's not the end of the world for %^&*# sakes. It is what it is. Just enjoy the journey.....be happy, love yourself, and life.

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