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Thread: Nervous and not sure what to do next

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Pick up the phone and call him, lyndsey.

    Something like this should not be communicated by texting. Use your words with your own voice, even if it feels intimidating.
    Ok I just spoke to him briefly. That was not easy to say but he was so sweet about it and said he was flattered about what I said too.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It would be better to go out on dates with men for a while and get to know each other rather than show up for random hookups. Are you a virgin or inexperienced? Either way it's not working. Something creeped you out so do not follow up.

    Next time get to know someone better and have the exclusive talk before sex.Date men in your own age range and life stage. Let it go. You apologized and explained why you're incompatible so don't pursue it.
    Originally Posted by lyndsey24sc
    We got together and have hung out a few times casually and then things progressed to the next stage earlier this week. as we were fooling around I took his pants off and completely freaked out over how big he was and totally froze up and basically told him I couldnít do this and left a short time after.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Age gap relationships of 20 years have a 95 percent failure rate. If you haven't thought of all the cons that go along with this, then you're not mentally well prepared and living in a youthful state of sunshiny lack of life experience.

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    As I mentioned we have been out a bunch of times before this so we had been seeing each other before hooking up. So this wasnít just a physical thing and I have thought quite a bit about the age difference and we have talked about that quite a bit over the past couple of months

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I'm glad you called him, for your own growth, but being totally frank I can't help but wonder about the sort of dynamic you're creating here. Of course he was "flattered" by a young woman telling him she got a little freaked out by his endowment. That's basically a bag of candy for his ego to snack on.

    In your shoes I'd have a real think about whether this is the sort of things you want, as you're casting yourself in the role of the jittery, embarrassed one, with those very jitters now soothing him, giving him a sense of power. Very hard to see a scale with equal weights on both sides in that sort of dynamic.

    I'm not saying age gap relationships like this can't work, but they really only work between two people who want inequality. Is that something that interests you or something that has come up during your talks about the gap?

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I'm glad you called him, for your own growth, but being totally frank I can't help but wonder about the sort of dynamic you're creating here. Of course he was "flattered" by a young woman telling him she got a little freaked out by his endowment. That's basically a bag of candy for his ego to snack on.

    In your shoes I'd have a real think about whether this is the sort of things you want, as you're casting yourself in the role of the jittery, embarrassed one, with those very jitters now soothing him, giving him a sense of power. Very hard to see a scale with equal weights on both sides in that sort of dynamic.

    I'm not saying age gap relationships like this can't work, but they really only work between two people who want inequality. Is that something that interests you or something that has come up during your talks about the gap?
    Inequality is definitely not something either of us want in this relationship. Now Iíll admit sexually I tend to be a little bit more submissive I guess in a sense that I am not a leader in that sense, I like to be led.

    In calling him I did feel a sense of strength in myself though that I had not felt in sometime so the advice to call him helped me and my psyche quite a bit
    Last edited by lyndsey24sc; 03-13-2020 at 11:15 AM. Reason: Spelling error

  8. #17
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Part of being a match sexually is that your private bits need to fit. Sometimes they don't - too big, too small, too long, too short, etc. These are sexual realities and unfortunately, things we cannot change about our bodies, not to mention that you don't find out until the clothes come off. It's a vulnerable moment to say the least and can be disappointing at times when the bits don't align properly if you will. My point is that if this isn't something you can deal with and enjoy sex without being in pain, don't feel bad about calling it not a match and walking away. Understand also that if he really is that big, then it's not the first time in his life that a woman said no to that.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I'm glad you called him, for your own growth, but being totally frank I can't help but wonder about the sort of dynamic you're creating here. Of course he was "flattered" by a young woman telling him she got a little freaked out by his endowment. That's basically a bag of candy for his ego to snack on.

    In your shoes I'd have a real think about whether this is the sort of things you want, as you're casting yourself in the role of the jittery, embarrassed one, with those very jitters now soothing him, giving him a sense of power. Very hard to see a scale with equal weights on both sides in that sort of dynamic.

    I'm not saying age gap relationships like this can't work, but they really only work between two people who want inequality. Is that something that interests you or something that has come up during your talks about the gap?
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Part of being a match sexually is that your private bits need to fit. Sometimes they don't - too big, too small, too long, too short, etc. These are sexual realities and unfortunately, things we cannot change about our bodies, not to mention that you don't find out until the clothes come off. It's a vulnerable moment to say the least and can be disappointing at times when the bits don't align properly if you will. My point is that if this isn't something you can deal with and enjoy sex without being in pain, don't feel bad about calling it not a match and walking away. Understand also that if he really is that big, then it's not the first time in his life that a woman said no to that.
    Thatís true too and I guess I just never considered that there could ever be someone so big that it would give me this reaction, yet here I am lol...ugh. I donít know if it was just the initial shock or am I really scared or do I really want to know what it might be like? I donít know

  10. #19
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lyndsey24sc
    Thatís true too and I guess I just never considered that there could ever be someone so big that it would give me this reaction, yet here I am lol...ugh. I donít know if it was just the initial shock or am I really scared or do I really want to know what it might be like? I donít know
    For some, there really is such a thing as too big. But you won't know unless you try.
    He appears to have taken all this in stride and was gracious when you reached out to explain. I doubt he was surprised.

    So is this done or open for reconsideration?

    I dated someone like him. I can safely guess this isn't the first time he's had a similar reaction. My experience, I was warned right before we crossed that point. I thought he was joking initially. Apparently, it had been a problem in previous relationships. And ultimately, for myself I couldn't see a lifetime of that.

    That's not what ended the relationship. It was a combination of other things. If we had a lot going for us in other areas I would have worked around it.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I'm glad you called him, for your own growth, but being totally frank I can't help but wonder about the sort of dynamic you're creating here. Of course he was "flattered" by a young woman telling him she got a little freaked out by his endowment. That's basically a bag of candy for his ego to snack on.

    In your shoes I'd have a real think about whether this is the sort of things you want, as you're casting yourself in the role of the jittery, embarrassed one, with those very jitters now soothing him, giving him a sense of power. Very hard to see a scale with equal weights on both sides in that sort of dynamic.

    I'm not saying age gap relationships like this can't work, but they really only work between two people who want inequality. Is that something that interests you or something that has come up during your talks about the gap?
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    For some, there really is such a thing as too big. But you won't know unless you try.
    He appears to have taken all this in stride and was gracious when you reached out to explain. I doubt he was surprised.

    So is this done or open for reconsideration?

    I dated someone like him. I can safely guess this isn't the first time he's had a similar reaction. My experience, I was warned right before we crossed that point. I thought he was joking initially. Apparently, it had been a problem in previous relationships. And ultimately, for myself I couldn't see a lifetime of that.

    That's not what ended the relationship. It was a combination of other things. If we had a lot going for us in other areas I would have worked around it.
    Youíre probably right, Iím sure he has gotten a similar reaction before. Itís definitely not done, I told him that I am really eager to know what it feels like to be with someone so big but that it may take a little bit of time. His response to that about made me melt.

    Iím still nervous but feel a little bit better about things since we spoke and have texted a little since. I think I might have felt a little better if warned beforehand, that is really cute that you said the guy you were with did that. What did he say if you donít mind me asking?

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