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Thread: Is he using his profile picture to send a message to me?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CinnamonGoil
    @tattoobunny LOL thank you for this. This comment made me LOL. I actually am all that and he's really not that great. But he was my first and I keep holding on to that nugget. My ego is very bruised. A bit narcissistic on my end...and I'm not really bent out of shape about the whole thing. Honestly have not shed a tear. I'm just kind of bummed and confused that he doesn't want me considering what a catch I am. Haha.
    But why hang on to that? Is it really a nugget or just part of long ago history that should stay...history.... I mean the whole "my first" thing holds only as much value as you choose to give to it. I have to admit that I've personally never understood giving that one moment in time such deep significance when you are many years and many life experiences down the road from that.

    As for him not wanting you....I mean again....why such negative self talk. To be really frank....neither one of you is a catch right now as you are both going through a divorce and people dealing with that just are all over the place emotionally and so do not make good partners or even good dating material. My point is that this isn't about him rejecting you so much as neither one of you being in a good place to be getting involved in anything serious with anyone at all. He is good for a hook up, he isn't good for anything else. That's where he is at. What I hope you are learning from this is that hookups are not a good idea for you because you will get attached.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. Being in the throes of divorce can put you in a messy up and down place including reconnecting with a "toxic" old flame. It seems you wanted a balm for your divorce with an insta-relationship and decided to lean on him heavily. He is still the same toxic guy

    It would be best to enlist the help of friends family and most of all a good therapist to help navigate through your divorce. Join some clubs and groups that share your interests.
    Originally Posted by CinnamonGoil
    We met in college, and it was a pretty toxic dynamic for 4 years due to immaturity I guess on both of our parts. I eventually left him when I met my husband (the guy I am currently getting a divorce from).

    I poured my heart out to him and he made me feel worthless and crazy. I wasn't really pestering him or begging and pleading - I just told him that I never stopped loving him. He never has stated how he felt about me then or now, and he ended up blocking me for about a week.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    But why hang on to that? Is it really a nugget or just part of long ago history that should stay...history.... I mean the whole "my first" thing holds only as much value as you choose to give to it. I have to admit that I've personally never understood giving that one moment in time such deep significance when you are many years and many life experiences down the road from that.

    As for him not wanting you....I mean again....why such negative self talk. To be really frank....neither one of you is a catch right now as you are both going through a divorce and people dealing with that just are all over the place emotionally and so do not make good partners or even good dating material. My point is that this isn't about him rejecting you so much as neither one of you being in a good place to be getting involved in anything serious with anyone at all. He is good for a hook up, he isn't good for anything else. That's where he is at. What I hope you are learning from this is that hookups are not a good idea for you because you will get attached.
    I hold on to it because he was my first everything. I was hoping 10 years would have changed us both but it didn't. I have no plans to unblock him or reach out to him ever again. I feel kind of bad and guilty about abruptly disappearing. But I had to get out before I got hurt. Right now it's an ego thing - honestly. I do love him, but I realize it's just never going to be. I just want to know how he's taking my silence so that I can boost my bruised ego? If that makes sense.

  4. #14
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    @wiseman Thank you for the feedback. I have moved on from the marriage - we have been separated for quite some time we are just now getting around to finalizing it. It had been over for a long time, so long that I don't believe I need therapy to heal from it.

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  6. #15
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    [QUOTE=CinnamonGoil;7204677]I hold on to it because he was my first everything. I was hoping 10 years would have changed us both but it didn't. /QUOTE]

    While first experiences can really teach us a lot, they are also often far from the best ones. A lot of folks attach much more emotional nostalgia to first loves than they're truly worth. This seems to be one of those cases.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    what it's worth, I have 100% accepted that whatever relationship we had is over, and I am not interested in being friends with him
    Good looking after yourself.

    (at least not right now).
    Lolzzz.

    Your first quote is you accepting what you need to do.
    Your second quote is you not accepting what you need to do and renders the conviction you THINK you made in that first quote, useless.

    He said he just wanted to be single,
    Zero contact will hopefully rehab you enough to accept that you can do better than a guy that just wants to do you. Zero contact means you stop creeping his social media and inventing hopeful scenerios in your head... as well as no texting, phone calls, emailing, skype, snail mail, or notes attached to carrier pigeons.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I just want to know how he's taking my silence so that I can boost my bruised ego? If that makes sense. He's not going to soothe your bruised ego. You will have to rely on yourself alone, with time and distance away from him and the failed attempt of returning to a newer version of your past.

    Attempt to achieve a mindset of what he thinks or feels is no longer your concern. I did OLD for several years. To some men, I was their cup of tea, and to others, I was not. It had nothing to do with my worth. Sometimes guys will mask what they really want from you and put on a good show until they get what they want and then they leave. I've been duped, myself, or wanted more from someone when they didn't share my dating goals. It's not fun, so I can relate.

    You'll start feeling better when you tear the rear-view mirror off and book it on down a new road. Good luck.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    You said you had a toxic relationship from the get go. Then you met your soon to be ex husband & he, his soon to be ex wife.

    Do you think you have misplaced feelings of love in this guy? romanticizing the past with him? Assuming he matured, but you never really talked, it was more physical?

    You said he was mean when you professed your feelings. That's not mature or caring at all.

    Be glad this guy is gone. He's told you flat out what he wants- to be single. Any interactions you have with him from that moment on is a signal that you accept a FWB situation.

    But he's not even a friend enough to let you down easy or to show care when discussing your feelings.

    Don't be controlled by your ego. Participatong in little high school chasing games, as an adult, is not acting mature either.

    Work on yourself & heal your ego (which is to basically check your ego). Once you do, you'll naturally raise your standards and recognize this guy for what he is... immature and emotionally inept.

    And no one has time for that....

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Good looking after yourself.

    Lolzzz.

    Your first quote is you accepting what you need to do.
    Your second quote is you not accepting what you need to do and renders the conviction you THINK you made in that first quote, useless.



    Zero contact will hopefully rehab you enough to accept that you can do better than a guy that just wants to do you. Zero contact means you stop creeping his social media and inventing hopeful scenerios in your head... as well as no texting, phone calls, emailing, skype, snail mail, or notes attached to carrier pigeons.
    Huh? There's no reason to be rude. I'm asking if this could be taken as a sign. And honestly, with him being a narcissist, I do believe this is him trying to regain control of his supply (me). I'm genuinely curious, and genuinely NOT heartbroken about this guy. It was fleeting. A fling. I have no plans whatsoever in the foreseeable future to contact him. He's blocked everywhere. I don't know what the future holds as far as any type of relationship with him, but yes right now it's a no go.

    I don't know how the wires got crossed for you. Maybe trolling people who are genuinely seeking advice on a relationship forum is not a conducive hobby for you.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CinnamonGoil
    Huh? There's no reason to be rude.
    No my intention. You contradicting yourself just made me chuckle.

    I'm asking if this could be taken as a sign. And honestly, with him being a narcissist, I do believe this is him trying to regain control of his supply (me).
    Has he been formerly diagnosed as being a narcissist? If not, then diagnosing him yourself, I realize is a bit of salve to your ego (afterall diagnosing someone makes it on them, not you for your own bad choices) but it really does nothing to help you to self reflect on why you would spend any time with such a jerk.

    I'm genuinely curious, and genuinely NOT heartbroken about this guy. It was fleeting. A fling. I have no plans whatsoever in the foreseeable future to contact him.
    Well, that's a little more like closing the door than your first declaration. Even though you've still left it open a crack with that "foreseeable future" bit.

    He's blocked everywhere.
    Yes but you have been known to unblock him in the past, no?

    I don't know what the future holds as far as any type of relationship with him,
    Whoops there you go again. Do you really want to even wonder what a future would hold. Are you actually going to ponder that when you think he's a "narcissist." People with good self worth, self esteem and solid personal boundaries in place would not ever consider opening the door again to someone they thought was a narc.
    but yes right now it's a no go.
    Thank about that statement. Don't you think it should read
    "it's a no go ever?"

    I don't know how the wires got crossed for you.
    Well, I've explained again up above.
    Maybe trolling people who are genuinely seeking advice on a relationship forum is not a conducive hobby for you.
    Were you looking for advice and unbiased opinions or just what you wanted to hear? (serious question).

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