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Thread: Iím having a hard time knowing my boyfriend had sex with someone else

  1. #21
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    No one is worth losing yourself to be with them. You say a part of you hates him for being able to be intimate with someone else when you couldn't. I get that, as I'm not the type to bounce easily between intimacy with several people. He either was not as commited or he is wired differently. Both of those things are a problem as far as long term commitment with you.
    It doesn't really matter as far as technicalities, and there's no award for trying to force something that isn't right for you. Leave before you really hate him. He's just being who he is, and you have to accept that.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Sooo....ugh....how long is someone supposed to stay celibate after a break up? What's the appropriate amount of time for one person to remain alone, single, and in mourning, for their ex to feel sufficiently honored and validated?

    I mean the sheer arrogance of someone post break up feeling like they still own the person they used to date and are somehow entitled to exclusivity is mind boggling to me. All I've got to say is get over yourself. Your ex is free to date, sleep with and have outright orgies the second after you broke up. Don't like that, find a virgin. Then you won't have to think about who else they've been with because...no one.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I personally don't think it's about ego, arrogance or ownership.

    Though I could choose to rationalize it for what it's worth and know that compartmentalizing it is a choice. I also get that the knowledge of someone you've are involved with has gotten naked with someone else in the interim is a little uncomfortable to imagine. I don't think she needs to be beat up over it. It's an honest emotion and she needs work through it.

    Maybe if a year had gone by, then it would be silly to even consider. But in the window of 3 months, I think the knowledge of what transpired during that time would cause most people to be uncomfortable, even if it's for a moment.

    But. .there's not much you can about it. You either get over it or you don't.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    It's been five months since they got back together and she "can't seem to get over it." How much fun you having in this relationship, Op?

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  6. #25
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    I was in the OP's situation once. Broke up with a long term GF for 2 months, in that period she slept with somebody after 4 weeks and we got back together 4 weeks after that.

    Never once entered my head that she cheated on me in that period when we were single becasue WE WERE SINGLE. We eventually broke up due to other issues but that guy in the middle never came up once again.

    If she had not told me i would never have known so I had to make a decision and be an adult about it. Someone can't cheat on you when they are not your partner.

  7. #26
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    If you havent recovered from what he did by now, you probably wont. Even though you were broken up, I understand that those "images" of him with another woman intimately still linger in your mind. Just break up and move on, because things will never be the same again. You may still care for him deeply, but you will never ever see him the way that you did before. Cut your losses, take time to heal, and move forward.

  8. #27
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    You cannot control what someone does after a breakup

    1) If he broke up with you and the immediately started dating this woman, I understand completely -- you would be uneasy wondering if he dumped you to be with her and then she rejected him and that's the only reason he is back.

    2) however, if YOu broke up with HIM, i think the problem is you want to think he was sitting there wasting away and unable to breathe out of grief and was just waiting for you to come back and the fact that he slept with someone shatters that for you. If you dumped him,he was free to do what he pleased -- date someone, make a bad decision on who he slept with, etc.

    3) I do think you should be honest with your feelings for your own sake

  9. #28
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    Why did you break up?

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